Think about death

At 75, I do think about it. From a purely selfish POV I’d like to go first - quickly and painlessly! - but it’s unlikely. My greatest fear is dementia, going on for ever with it, like my mother.

IMO dh (77) would manage pretty well without me - he doesn’t cook but could manage some simple things - plus ready meals!
Dds are both roughly 60 miles away.

If on my own I’d certainly sell this house and probably find a flat (not a retirement one!) with at least a balcony, close to shops and buses etc., in dds’ general area - not because I’d want or expect any help, but IMO they’d be less inclined to worry if I were a short drive away.

SillyNanny321

Think about dying when in the middle of the night after waking for the loo, I cannot get back to sleep! Many things race through my mind keeping me awake but the thought of dying before I have seen my DGC grow up a bit more does trouble me! Also worry about my newly adopted cat who needed a home & I needed company! After losing my much loved little girl cat I was not going to have another but Cookie is so dear & company. I worry that I may die before him & he has to be rehomed again. This is his third home. So my main worries & yes I do think about dying as now live alone even though family 10 mins away, who would know?

A lot of people have those middle of the night death fears. My ex husband always had them and, talking to other family members they do too. It isn’t something that people tend not to talk about but I think is really common. It’s one reason why I tend to play podcasts throughout the night or have catchup tv on. Otherwise my mind races.

I ve put all my paperwork in a fireproof case in my bedroom My daughter knows where it is
I have organised and paid for a simple cremation

2 children and five grandchildren live overseas I have one daughter living nearby her two children are working and living in other parts of uk
I m divorced and live alone but my daughter who lives here texts or we call each other every morning to make sure I m up and alive 🤣 so I wouldn’t be there very long without contact I always keep my phone with me and if I get more immobile when I get older I will have an alarm system
I hate the thought of not being around for them and said such a stupid thing the other day I said but I ll be so bored without hearing anyone’s news !!!

IamMaz 💐 so sorry, this is a bereavement for you.

Interestingly. it is my wish to die alone (and hopefully quickly). Can't cope with bedside vigils and mega sympathetic caring and fuss irrespective of how close and loving the carers are. I've had this conversation with children, family members and friends. They started off disagreeing but now see things from my point of view. Of course, my actual demise will be completely out of my hands so.....fingers crossed......

DH died 2 years ago and since tgen tgere seems to be something tgat needs fixing in the house. He would do all jobs (apart from carpet laying and plastering) so I now have to seek a professional to sort out the problem. Yes, I think if him everyday along with my DD who died 5 years ago. Seems like yesterday.
I would miss my two sons and their family. They don't live nearby bug when they visit or I go to them I love it. Makes me feel secure. Even my son in law who has moved on yet keeps in touch with an occasional visit. I'd miss them all.

I don’t really think about it and am not scared of dying.

A man who lived alone near us died recently. He lived in a block of 4 flats. The weather was hot and neighbours noticed a nasty smell on the stairs, then they realised they had not seen him for a while. He never had visitors and didn’t go out much even though he was only about 50.

The Police broke in and he was dead on the bed, very decomposed.

Yes of course, DH and I are both 81 and have been together for 60 years and married for 59 years. I am the practical one, I have always looked after our finances and I have recently put together a file of things to do when one of us passes away with details of our finances, copies of our house deeds and wills, last wishes etc. I found it very reassuring when I completed this, the family know where it is and we are currently decluttering, DH finds this harder than me but he has made a start by selling some of his tools as he gave up DIY this year, he has a way to go with his personal possessions but he is open to doing it albeit slowly. This year we simplified our finances by merging our two savings accounts into a joint account, we have had a joint current account for all of our married life. The only thing we have to do next is to complete Powers Of Attorney for our health, since we have joint accounts I don’t think we need one for finances but I will look into it. We will carry on the decluttering process as well as we want things to be as easy as possible for one of us when the other passes away and for our family when we are both gone.

I worry about being bereaved but not about dying. I bought a Do Not Resuscitate bracelet

I recently read an article about a man whose wife died suddenly and wanted to some photos she’d stored on her phone but didn’t know her PIN number to access her account. He said Apple told him his wife hadn’t set him up as her legacy contact, which made me find out how to do it as I have loads of photos of our ACs and DgD he doesn’t have so set it up and printed off the qr code he’ll need if I die before him.

We're attempting to de-clutter, have our practical matters in order, live moments from our children - from there on God is in charge.

I have a very practical attitude to death since I am a born planner. Im not religious in the conventional sense. I just believe all things come to an end.

Its good to set your affairs in order, which I am in process of doing.

Our science had now reached the point where it can prolong life but not necessarily good health. My grandmother prayed for the Lord to take her peacefully in her sleep. That seems a good way to end it. I have an incurable liver condition and will probably take my own life with barbiturates when I am no longer able to look after myself. There is no point in lingering on if you are miserable and in pain.

I'm ready anytime . Paperwork sorted and family know where it is . Instructions left to call the undertaker for a quick cremation ( no funeral) I do hope I don't lie or sit here for days , and I'm so locked in with bolts and keys if the police come they will have to use the big red key . I don't want a really long life I've already seen the tv dramas and programmes repeated too many times . My eyes are already a problem and I would hate to lose my sight or not be able to read or watch telly . So I enjoy each day and wait happily for my next big adventure ☺️

I am widowed, but have an AC with learning difficulties still at home. I worry about him being left after I die. I'm slowly trying to increase his independence and prepare him as best I can. Since his dad died, he worries about the same happening to me, which of course is inevitable. I also worry about him finding me very ill or dead. I asked him one day what he’d do if he couldn’t get me to wake some morning. He said, “ I’d let you
have a longer sleep. “ !! It might be a very long sleep!! I gently explained that he’d have to call 999, as I’d have to go to hospital. Like others, I also feel sad that I won’t be around to see how my GC get on in adult life. I try to look at the ‘ bigger picture ‘ - we’re born, live our lives, and die, and are minuscule in the greater scheme. Also sad is that after the grandchildren, and maybe great grandchildren, for some, no one alive will know, or remember us. We have to live in the present.

Yes, OP, I think about my death often, and like Kim I don't want a lot of people round my deathbed. I think it often happens that death occurs at a moment when others are out of the room. But at other times I'm sure that I'll be run over by a bus. My DD know where to find what they need. I don't bother too much about decluttering - let them just hire a skip.

Yes I think about death mostly due to fact I had cancer last year and wondered if I'd get through it. I think mostly about how my family will be and I try to spend as much time as I can with my husband and grandchildren doing happy fun things I know will be good memories.

They will all be fine without me but I sometimes think I hope its not drawn out and painful, then feel guilty.

sharonarnott

No not really. Probably because my number might be up anytime soon and I would rather spend what is left of my valuable time being upbeat and enjoying life as much as is possible. Being maudeling would just be wasting what is left of my precious life when I could be doing or thinking about something nice 🙃

Wonderful outlook 😍
I had to think about it a while ago when one daughter put her name on a piece in my bungalow.
It got me thinking of my late mother in law who asked if there was anything we wanted when she departed this mortal coil.
She asked the whole family and put labels on the wanted items.

This is such a sad subject that I cannot understand any one who would even think of correcting someone's else grammar .Absolutely appalling. I too worry a lot about death. May all of us find some peace in sharing.

Yes Mrs I.
I had a stroke in 2019 and it’s like being half dead. Just the left half. I cannot play in the garden with my grandkids or pick up the baby. This breaks my heart ❤️ sometimes I am thankful to see them growing and other times wish it had finished me off! As I cannot interact with them as I would like. It’s so frustrating. Husband and daughters do as much as they can but it’s no way to live.

I'm just relieved and feel better I'm not the only one! Try not to overthink it, but unfortunately my brain keeps taking me there without my permission!! 🤣

I have started to think about death more recently as the husbands of two close friends died about 4 months ago . One very suddenly from an aneurysm and the other after a 6 month battle with cancer . It’s got me thinking how would I cope if DH died first . We have wills sorted and I’ve always done my DH books and accounts . We retired 2 years ago and sorted out our pensions and finances. Financially I’d be ok and we plan on downsizing soon .
I’m very practical and do my bit with DIY, cars and the garden and my DH does household chores and cooking .
Since we retired we’ve tried not to have pink and blue jobs .
Obviously I’d miss him dreadfully and you can’t prepare for grief.
Sending virtual hugs for those who’ve been widowed .

Allsorts

They will all be fine without me but I sometimes think I hope its not drawn out and painful, then feel guilty.

Why would you feel guilty? None of us wants a long, drawn out death.

Having watched my lovely Dad die slowly with Parkinsons + other illnesses and a brother die slowly over 5 years of cancer I most definitely would like it to be quick and painless. FinL also died very slowly and in misery with Alzheimers.

My MiL died at 65. One minute she was eating her dinner and the next she was dead. Quick and painless. She had already been resuscitated twice in the two years before that. We used to joke that she never liked to be thwarted.

My neighbour over the road looks out for us and rings if anything is different . The other day she rang because our car was not parked where it usually is . DH looks out for her curtains opening each morning. Works fine but my neighbour is over 90 now but might outlast us as she is still so fit .

Whiff

Die or dieing if you die.
Dye or dying is if you dye fabric ,wool etc.

That’s not right, just sayin’😃