Think about death

SillyNanny321

Think about dying when in the middle of the night after waking for the loo, I cannot get back to sleep! Many things race through my mind keeping me awake but the thought of dying before I have seen my DGC grow up a bit more does trouble me! Also worry about my newly adopted cat who needed a home & I needed company! After losing my much loved little girl cat I was not going to have another but Cookie is so dear & company. I worry that I may die before him & he has to be rehomed again. This is his third home. So my main worries & yes I do think about dying as now live alone even though family 10 mins away, who would know?

A lot of people have those middle of the night death fears. My ex husband always had them and, talking to other family members they do too. It isn’t something that people tend not to talk about but I think is really common. It’s one reason why I tend to play podcasts throughout the night or have catchup tv on. Otherwise my mind races.

At 75, I do think about it. From a purely selfish POV I’d like to go first - quickly and painlessly! - but it’s unlikely. My greatest fear is dementia, going on for ever with it, like my mother.

IMO dh (77) would manage pretty well without me - he doesn’t cook but could manage some simple things - plus ready meals!
Dds are both roughly 60 miles away.

If on my own I’d certainly sell this house and probably find a flat (not a retirement one!) with at least a balcony, close to shops and buses etc., in dds’ general area - not because I’d want or expect any help, but IMO they’d be less inclined to worry if I were a short drive away.

I was very surprised when my brother in law and my friend's husband died, both after long illnesses. Neither couple had discussed finances, neither widow had any idea what their income would be, whether their husband's pension would pay them. Neither had sorted out passwords, bank details or basic household maintenance. One husband had given the bulk of their savings as a gift to their children, leaving the window with no reserves. Surely it is common sense to prepare these things? I have just prepared a file full of useful information for my children if we die suddenly, and have worked out our incomes should one of us be widowed. Decluttering is another matter!

I am pretty sure that my heart will carry me off - it has already had a good try! I am hoping that it might be quick!

IamMaz - sorry to hear that. What a shock.

No not really. Probably because my number might be up anytime soon and I would rather spend what is left of my valuable time being upbeat and enjoying life as much as is possible. Being maudeling would just be wasting what is left of my precious life when I could be doing or thinking about something nice 🙃

My OH died 4 years ago - I had been looking after him for several years and had always been the one doing the finances so that has not been a problem.

I do feel sad that I will miss seeing the GC get married and have their own families - but that is life.

I too worry about my DC finding a dead body in the house unexpectedly and reason that it would be better for it to be a fairly newly deceased body! We are in constant touch on WhatsApp, and the agreement is that if I have no reason to be in touch with them for a day I will send a joke! No message or joke, then Mum has probably departed this life!

My.thoughts are mostly about what will it be like? Will I float up to the ceiling? What will I die of and who will be around? Who will.be in my house of 50+ years after us? Will I be able to haunt?

IamMaz, 💐.

Since my sister died at age 62 I've wondered about how I'll manage if OH dies. My main concern is if I find him collapsed and unresponsive as I don't think I would be able to do CPR due to a lung condition and not very strong. Running the home I could manage well as he worked away for a large part of our married life. But financially could I afford this house and all the bills I don't know. I think about him dieing very frequently so I know I have a problem and need to stop but it is how it is.
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Don't worry about dying anymore since DH passed away over 2 yrs ago. The worst has already happened so really don't worry about the end. I am however concerned about being in hospital without any friends and only DS to bring me whatever I need etc when he's not working away.

Yes - thinking about it a lot at the moment. Just had to redraft my Will due to husband if 34 years deciding to divorce me - exactly 2 weeks after us actively pursuing getting a visa to enable us to live in Spain for 5 years.
So, instead of sharing a life with my husband in Spain I now face an uncertain future alone…
And after typing this I am now blubbing again. I seem to be doing that quite a lot lately.

Delia are you the spelling police?

Whiff I to was widowed young my husband died aged 37 I was 34 thank goodness we met when young I was married at 18 we had 2 daughters together. I still miss him so much 35 years later and often wonder what we would be like now. Life is so empty daughters are married and have their own busy lives. Xx

Think about dying when in the middle of the night after waking for the loo, I cannot get back to sleep! Many things race through my mind keeping me awake but the thought of dying before I have seen my DGC grow up a bit more does trouble me! Also worry about my newly adopted cat who needed a home & I needed company! After losing my much loved little girl cat I was not going to have another but Cookie is so dear & company. I worry that I may die before him & he has to be rehomed again. This is his third home. So my main worries & yes I do think about dying as now live alone even though family 10 mins away, who would know?

I have an irrational fear about being pronounced dead when I’m not!! Sure funeral directors check but still have this fear

Me too, I hope my dogs go before me. I worry about what would happen to them if I was to go in the night

V3ra thank you for caring my daughter lives less than 10 mins away so I always have help at hand . If they are away I can call on her in laws who also live close by. And my health conditions are under control if I am worried any time first thing I do is unlock my front door and then ask for help.
I had my home adapted to make it safer for me . I even have my mobile phone outside the shower door even though I shower sitting down . Just in case .
Been on my own for 20.5 years so very safety conscious. When I go into the garden always open my gate and hook it back . I don't even go to the outside bins without my mobile phone or stick.

Whiff

Die or dieing if you die.
Dye or dying is if you dye fabric ,wool etc.

For what it’s worth (and this is not Pedants’ Corner) but to avoid further argument
Dying from to die
Dyeing from to dye.

You can make the necessary preparations for the practical side of things, I was eternally grateful to my father who said in his last year that all I needed was in the “top drawer of the sideboard” - house deeds, building society book, insurance policy and copy of his will which was held by his solicitors.
I can’t make the same promise of simplicity to my children and like Maybee do worry about Rosie.
But nobody can prepare you for bereavement , no amount of thinking about it can prepare you for the emotional consequences- you can’t rehearse loss.

Since DH died in 2021 I have rewritten my will and got LPA in place.
I do worry sometimes because DD lives in Brussels and DS is a 45 minute drive away.
We had a discussion on Friday when my sister went to the hospital with me. She lives about twenty minutes from me so in an emergency could reach me first plus she is ten years younger than me. I gave her a set of keys because one of my fears is having a fall and lying until the next family visit.
My neighbour opposite has keys to my house and I have hers too but you can't always count on neighbours being home, she has lengthy holidays.

Whiff there are keysafes with the "Secured by Design" police approved rating.

Bear in mind that the alternative, if you needed help and no-one could let themselves into your property, is that the Police would have to break in.
My son has had to do that as a response officer.

I don`t worry about dying, we get the return ticket when we are born. It is always good to be prepared, from the point of view of thinking about other people

I’m so well organised now

Since my DH passed a couple of years ago I’ve put my paperwork in order so when it’s my time, my family will not need to sort out my things as I’ve given them clear instructions about how to manage including private letters to each of my loved ones,