Think about death

When I moved here there was a safe key on the wall but never intended to use it. I had a new composite door and frame fitted. And the guy fitting it said do you use that when I said no he said good . He refuses to fit them and showed me why. He got a screwdriver and with a flick of his wrist it was off the wall and open. So think carefully about having a key safe on the wall.

www.careline.co.uk/

For anyone living alone and feeling vulnerable, do consider getting an alarm system like one of these.

You can press the button on your pendant or wrist strap and talk to the operator.

It can sense if you have a fall and the operator will send help if you need it or they can't contact you.

They include a key safe so you will never be stranded.

Peace of mind 😊

I just hope it’s quick and painless I think it’s what most people hope for other than that I would like to be remembered with affection.

We are financially sound and organised regarding wills etc. My concern is all the possessions we have my DH thinks we will live forever and will not declutter. It appears to be a family trait that they are invincible as I have learnt from past experience.

Our DS is very busy running his own business our DD does not live close I don’t want to give them too much to do. I had the total responsibility of sorting out three close relatives finances properties and belongings etc. While my DH ran our family business without me each time. We were their only family to all three of them it was time consuming and stressful.

Bab3 and eggplant thank you for responding.

Similar to Boheminan I have younger neighbours who are not interested in me and have their own families.

I do not have any relatives and am estranged from my DD.

Since my DH went into the care home I have found friends are few and far between, in fact most of them dropped me like a ton of bricks.

It can be very lonely and although I try to keep busy decluttering it is often hard to fill my time.

Die or dieing if you die.
Dye or dying is if you dye fabric ,wool etc.

I think about it a lot. It's always a struggle to think about it but I can't help it.
I am younger than my DH (77 and 71) and I worry about how either of us will cope without the other.

Plus, our DD is really struggling with her husband's terminal cancer, and I really worry about her having to cope with the loss of a parent on top of all that.

Life can be so very hard. Sympathy to all those who have lost a partner.

Georgesgran

Same as grannybags.
Of course I miss DH terribly - he died in 2021, but as I always did ‘everything’ (well almost) I manage very well on my own.
He wasn’t particularly practical in many ways, so I’ve always had a list of Tradespeople to hand and knew our Financial Advisor.
I did find it challenging to buy a new car without his input, but it is what it is.
I am beyond sorry that I probably won’t live to see either of my DGSs achieve most things. DGS1 told me he’s going to learn to drive next year - sadly he’s not, as he’s only just 7!

Maybe an idea for his birthday? I bought my GSs a one hour driving course. They are in specially adapted cars and obviously off road. The boys loved them. I have a dim memory that 8 was the youngest they would take. I can't remember the company but I'm sure you could google it.

FindingNemo15

I think about this all the time. I worry who or if anyone will find me should I die here on my own.

Last Boxing Day I took to my bed with the 'flu and for 9 days I never spoke to or heard from anyone.

I am trying to declutter and get my things in order, but it is a lot to organise.

That's a worry. Do you have any sort of network of friends/acquaintances/ family?

Yes we both do Nana which is why we've moved to somewhere much smaller and in the process must have got rid of 90% of what we own.

We were both worried about how which ever one of us was left would manage having to make the move alone.

FindingNemo15

I think about this all the time. I worry who or if anyone will find me should I die here on my own.

Last Boxing Day I took to my bed with the 'flu and for 9 days I never spoke to or heard from anyone.

I am trying to declutter and get my things in order, but it is a lot to organise.

I have a friend older than me who is alone, never married or had children, and worries about dying or being taken very ill and not being found, she would ask neighbours to check in on her but doesn't get along with them, she also lives too far away from us to check in on her frequently. So we make a point of whatsapping good morning to each other every day. Have said that if she doesn't do this for more than a couple of days we will drive over. She has trusted us with a key.
Is there anyone you can do this with?

I've only 2 DD both in their 40's and no children. I am still with DH but slowly trying to declutter. I have got rid of a lot of jewellery and bits I know they don't want. One of the girls is going to do a car boot with me as we both have loads of books, cd's etc to get rid of. I wouldn't like the thought of them having loads of stuff to sort out. I don't want a big funeral. Although I have nephews and a niece and he had half sisters and a half brother no-one ever rings us to see if we are ok. I have told them I only want a simple cremation and want my ashes spread in the sea opposite where I live.

I too worry about dying on my own. My young neighbours both sides are disinterested in me and my children are quite a way off, and we don't keep in regular contact. I fear the first anyone knows of my demise will be one of the neighbours remarking 'what's that horrible smell coming from next door'!

A close friend who lives fairly near has the same fears, so we've arranged every night and morning to leave an email to each other just saying 'good morning' and 'good night' and if there's no response during that day, to go and check they're okay. It's comforting.

Does it matter D22 on a sensitive subject?
It’s not Pedants Corner.

I think about this all the time. I worry who or if anyone will find me should I die here on my own.

Last Boxing Day I took to my bed with the 'flu and for 9 days I never spoke to or heard from anyone.

I am trying to declutter and get my things in order, but it is a lot to organise.

Surely it's not dieing but DYING!Or am I wrong??

My husband died in October 2022, after an unexpected and short period of illness. I still miss him so very much and this 2nd anniversary is inevitably raising many practical and emotional thoughts
I’m fortunate to be fairly ok financially. I have lovely daughters and grandchildren nearby. I have good friends. A tough year health wise had me completing LPA health and finance. I’m looking into DNR . My will is updated. Documents in decent order . I’ve declutterred - well started that
I’ve ’got Staff’ that is someone to mow the lawn and do odd jobs.
MayBee- I have a huge young lab. He was my 12th dog and the first my husband really wanted. He loved a Big Dog - we would never have got him had we realised how quickly and irrevocably life would change, mr i’s parents lived into 90’s. Anyway - I have an agreement with a lab breeder/trainer we’ve been training with. If anything happens to me, she adopts him. My little spaniel will go to one of my daughters or sisters, whoever has least dogs at the time
My big fear is an awful event like a stroke that leaves me incapacitated but not quite dead. I wouldn’t want that for me or my children

Your grandson Georgesgran. That did make me laugh.

Same as grannybags.
Of course I miss DH terribly - he died in 2021, but as I always did ‘everything’ (well almost) I manage very well on my own.
He wasn’t particularly practical in many ways, so I’ve always had a list of Tradespeople to hand and knew our Financial Advisor.
I did find it challenging to buy a new car without his input, but it is what it is.
I am beyond sorry that I probably won’t live to see either of my DGSs achieve most things. DGS1 told me he’s going to learn to drive next year - sadly he’s not, as he’s only just 7!

No I don't worry about death as I thought I would die first. As I was born disabled and have a good in the side of my heart. But it was my fit healthy husband who got cancer and died in 2004 aged 47. I was 45. Until this year I have had nothing be money worries.

So I never worry about dieing as my husband wanted me to live the best life I can . My daughter has told me I have to leave 20 years to see my grandsons grow up .

I am 66 and l am living my life to the full for my husband. I am grateful for every morning I wake up.

I have had my brush with death and should have died in 2017 . But I am to bloody minded and stubborn to give in to the grim reaper yet.

I don't live what ifs or if onlies otherwise you miss the now.

My grief for my husband gets worse as the years go by . But my love for him is as strong today as it ever was. I use the rage and anger of him dieing to young too get me through everyday and do all the things I want to do. I live my life for use both .

I worry about my dog. Can’t bear the thought of being without her but, at the same time hoping that she goes before I do. I do think about it a lot.

We think about it more now. But mainly from the angle of getting everything organised for the family when we go.
I don’t really want to linger on the thought that one of us will go before the other. But is inevitable. I sometimes think I’d want to go first because I would hate having to go through all that grief and loneliness, my OH feels the same way. But what happens happens. Nobody knows when their number will be up and that goes for people of every age sadly.

Best to ask the neighbors to look out for closed curtains, more than two days in a row. Lady nearby, found by the window cleaner , only came once a month 😩
I would have looked out if she lived near to me.
I ring my mum same time, twice a day, apart from a catch-up, if I am honest, to make sure she is still breathing

Whilst not being morbid, it is actually a good thing to be prepared for the inevitable, eg to have made a will, gathered documents and important information together, let family know your wishes. And preferably, not leave too much chaos for the family to deal with. Declutter a bit.
Also for both spouses to be able to take up the reins of the household, as it is likely that one will die first.
I have quite a thing about this actually. I was once asked to help an elderly lady with finances after her husband died. She hadn’t a clue where to start. Her husband had always felt it was his role to deal with household bills.

Once things are in place, it is good to make the most of each day we have.
I would love to know my grandchildren are settled and happy, but beyond that, no I don’t worry about what I will miss.

And yes, I hope the family will continue to have get-togethers. I worry that once I have gone, they will see less of each other.
And as Grannybags says, the thought that I will miss all those important days in my GC’s lives really make me sad 😢

All the time Nana56.
I am divorced. I live on my own. My biggest fear is that I will ‘go’ in my sleep and no one will know. If my family ring me, and don’t get answer, they won’t think anything of it.
Solution : I have given my children’s numbers to my lovely young friend across the road, and asked her to ring them in case they notice no household activity in the house, curtains closed , car not moved etc. Sounds morbid, but it’s a fact of life.