When or where to draw a line on Birthdays 🎈

fancythat
I can hear the dilemma that you have , also I understand the less is more mantra .
If you are happy to spend the £25 per GC & £50per adult why not then buy Panto tickets ?
The family who have less money would perhaps appreciate that & with £25 in the kitty per child you could also perhaps stretch to a gift within that budget or ice cream in the interval . Same with adults & the other family will not be overloaded with “ things” they feel the children do not need .
Not only but also you are creating memories, whether that is one Panto trip or two separate ones . If you do local Theatres that’s surely within budget & everyone should be catered for 🤩
Just a thought .

I stop when they are earning their own money and could remember my birthday, but don't!

Christmas we still buy for our own grandchildren ( and I am pretty indulgent with parent's permission) but not the great neices and nephews. It has to stop somewhere. We still buy for siblings, a small token gift usually.

I work on the rule that if I see any of my great nephews and nieces in person I'll give them a bit of pocket money. Also if I am invited to a birthday celebration I will take a gift. Otherwise, that's it.

Suggest doing a Secret Santa… that’s what my DiL’s parents do. It seems to work for them.

I have a lot to buy for as well‐ so i'm looking at 3 for 2 gifts on Boots online etc, things they would need really, like shower gel gift sets etc, and ive discovered Temu, which although it has some stuff thats naff, it does have a Lot that is ok stuff for a small gift, not overpriced, especially dolls& doll clothes or soft toys for younger ones, or kitch little household stuff, i got youngest son quite a few stuff on there for his new uni (shared) house- at a fraction of the cost in shops-things young ones 'forget' you need like the kitchen stuff etc, the clothes on there are usually good too- anything not ok they refund you.(i use clearpay or paypal to keep my bank details safe and can spread cost also)Theres some great cards on there as well- Or maybe you can make something for them if you knit, sew, or crochet? We all got something crocheted last year from my eldest daughter as they were a bit strapped for cash, and she had just learnt to crochet! Or as others suggested, bake a cake if bakings your thing.Theres a few things alternative, as costs can rise when you buy for everyone, i gave all the couples a gift between them last xmas- towel bale for one son & partner as they were just moved house, very useful, and they said were very good & just what they needed.! Sometimes you have to think outside the box.Or just tell them all you can only buy for the younger children this year.I'm sure they will understand.

We give money and experiences.

I think NanaTuesday's idea is an excellant one, maybe even with 2 or 3 of the families going together, if they live close to each other? Or gift them cinema tickets as a family, if thats more their thing? Or an ice- skating trip? But surely it saves a few pounds to gift them as a family than so much each? For christmas anyway. I have a grown up nephew who gifts a tub of chocolates to family members at christmas, and we are happy with that, and it saves us from having to ourselves them.😄

I usually get a gift card for son-in- laws birthday for his favourite coffee shop- put in a birthday card. He appreciates i've remembered and its saving him money as well.

I am planning to cut down this year although feel guilty about it but living on your own doesn't come cheap and it isn't good for the savings balance you have for a rainy day.

I was surprised by amount some of you are spending (folk usually spend more on the kids, but less on the adults) But it does tot up over the year and i'm guessing that family would rather know that their Nans/grandads have enough to get by on and keep themselves warm this winter- what with all the gov't cutbacks etc- why not invite them all round &cook a nice meal one evening instead?(one family at a time if you prefer?) Or get a takeaway in &some nice chocs if you cant cook? That might be just as, if not more appreciated, or start a new tradition.🤔

We made a rule after the children all were adult, that we only give presents to those we actually eat Christmas dinner with,

In my husband's family presents were only given to those under 18. I have never been in favour of this, for how are children to learn to give presents, if they do not give thier adult relatives anything.

A friend and her adult sons and daughters-in-law have come up with a to me sensible variation. The names and wishes of every member of the family, children and adults alike are put in a bag and each adult pulls out a name and only gives that person a present. This gets rid of all the gimmicky stuff that no-one really wants, as if you only buy one present you can afford to give something more expensive that you know the recipient wants.

Dickens- i am surprised one of my sons hasnt thought of that idea as he is an avid Lego collector!😂

I asked my eldest DD what her youngest needs/wants for her 11th birthday next week & she said 'a dressing gown'- so ive got that.Not sure how the child will feel about it, but still...😁

I guess if you are all happy with what you give and can more than afford to it doesnt matter a jot- but if not then have a rethink.If youre ok, then have a lovely christmas doing what you do as usual.😊

Shein do less expensive stuff too, but quite ok things.Even our drs clinical practitioner said her 'nice dress' was from Shein😅

We have two children with partners and 6 grandchildren ranging from 11- 24.Each of them gets £30 on birthdays. I do go a bit silly at Christmas time and the grandchildren get £100 each and two small pressies -just for them to have something to open. My dad gives me £200 and i have to share that out between us all, so hubby & I never take our share. A work colleague and all her family spend a set amount of £60 and do a secret Santa, so everyone only has to buy one gift.

I'm surprised no one mentioned 'alternative gift' for the adults eg plant a tree ( TreeAid.org) or buy a goat -there's masses of choice with various charities (Good gifts is another one) and it solves a few problems of not adding to landfill!!!

My DH and I have 17 nieces and nephews between us. We send a birthday and Xmas greetings on their Instagram or Facebook accounts and stopped giving them a gift when they left education whether that be 16, 18 or 21. I do occasionally buy one or other of them a meal out if they attend. I did help out 2 nieces with a standing order gift every month during their University years because I knew my younger siblings had very limited funds and I could afford to help them out. I gift generously to my 3 DC, foster child, their partners and to my 2 DGC for both birthdays and Xmas. If I was struggling financially I would cut back.

I give money to grandchildren (6) on birthdays, and don’t know when, or if, I’ll stop. I also give to my children and in law children on birthdays, so 12 in all.
Christmas is cash and a token gift for grandchildren only. I don’t think I will stop giving to any of these, unless I live so long that my grandchildren marry and have loads of children!
I’d say if you are going to call a halt to giving, then make the announcement far enough away from Christmas or birthdays, in case anybody’s counting on it!

I used to be quite indulgent when GC were small. Now I live a plane journey away. When they were younger I bought books and then when I visited took them on a day out. Now they are teenagers/young adults they don't seem to acknowledge family birthdays so now I just take them for meals, theatre etc when I see them.
My daughter still sends very thoughtful presents, so I do the same. My son hasn't sent cards or presents for years, some years I'll get a text.

3 children 9GC and 8 GGC (so far) plus various partners. Now after chatting with them I now only buy for the GGC all under 10 and 2 youngest GC it was becoming impossible to afford and choose gifts for so many. Its a relief and although I feel bad but no one minds.

I buy for very few now as our family always stopped at 18 for nieces and nephews etc. so it's just DD, DS, DiL and 2 GC plus a neice and a nephew who both live abroad so it has to be something easy to post. My brother suggested stopping a few years ago as we were simply exchanging cheques!
DiL's family do a family secret santa at christmas as there are a lot of them and they are a very close family, but mine have never been as close so it has just been cards for a long time now. I'm not sorry to not have the panic buying on Christmas eve! I consult DiL for what to get for the GC and just bought a gift for 4 year old GS jointly with DD as there was something a bit more expensive she wanted for him. I see no benefit in buying stuff that may be duplicated or just not appreciated. I guess it will be monetary gifts when they get older. I still love seeing them enjoying the things I've bought, such as my little GD pushing her doll in the buggy I got her for her birthday, as well as sitting in it herself!

Gingerrice

I'm surprised no one mentioned 'alternative gift' for the adults eg plant a tree ( TreeAid.org) or buy a goat -there's masses of choice with various charities (Good gifts is another one) and it solves a few problems of not adding to landfill!!!

I did this for my mum after she moved into a sheltered bedsit. I didn't know what to get her as she had as many plants as she could fit in the room and didn't need any 'stuff'. I told her what I was doing, and intended giving her a small homemade edible gift, but in the end she was admitted to hospital and never came out. After she died we had to decide what to do with the un-opened presents, most of which were unlabelled so couldn't be returned to the giver! I was really glad I'd given a charity gift to one of her favourite charities.

Cut out the adults and depending on ages of the GC, GGC reduce them too eg over 18. Just send a card to those not receiving a gift. At least that way, you are acknowledging the special day.

We don’t buy for any adults or ‘children’ once they leave full time education. The only exception is one adult with SEN who is sadly still a child.
Very liberating. We do spend time together though, usually for a meal out or family BBQ , birthday tea etc.

crazyH

I have always been generous and I don’t intend to stop now. What do we need money for, at our age? I am not rich but I have enough. I am divorced. I have some savings.
I spend about £200 (by way of cash or gifts) - per Birthday and Xmas, a total of about £4400 a year for 5 Adults and 6 GC. My needs are less as I get older. Food and heat are my main expenses. I don’t go for big holidays unless my children invite me to join them.

Some of us are on a very tight budget- apart from one niece, who is very kind with her time,bother's to pick up the phone, to send cards, I’ll always help her out. The nephews never pick up the phone, I never receive a thanks for gifts or money sent, I am afraid they can all just get on with it 😣