When or where to draw a line on Birthdays 🎈

Shein do less expensive stuff too, but quite ok things.Even our drs clinical practitioner said her 'nice dress' was from Shein😅

I guess if you are all happy with what you give and can more than afford to it doesnt matter a jot- but if not then have a rethink.If youre ok, then have a lovely christmas doing what you do as usual.😊

I asked my eldest DD what her youngest needs/wants for her 11th birthday next week & she said 'a dressing gown'- so ive got that.Not sure how the child will feel about it, but still...😁

Dickens- i am surprised one of my sons hasnt thought of that idea as he is an avid Lego collector!😂

We made a rule after the children all were adult, that we only give presents to those we actually eat Christmas dinner with,

In my husband's family presents were only given to those under 18. I have never been in favour of this, for how are children to learn to give presents, if they do not give thier adult relatives anything.

A friend and her adult sons and daughters-in-law have come up with a to me sensible variation. The names and wishes of every member of the family, children and adults alike are put in a bag and each adult pulls out a name and only gives that person a present. This gets rid of all the gimmicky stuff that no-one really wants, as if you only buy one present you can afford to give something more expensive that you know the recipient wants.

I was surprised by amount some of you are spending (folk usually spend more on the kids, but less on the adults) But it does tot up over the year and i'm guessing that family would rather know that their Nans/grandads have enough to get by on and keep themselves warm this winter- what with all the gov't cutbacks etc- why not invite them all round &cook a nice meal one evening instead?(one family at a time if you prefer?) Or get a takeaway in &some nice chocs if you cant cook? That might be just as, if not more appreciated, or start a new tradition.🤔

I am planning to cut down this year although feel guilty about it but living on your own doesn't come cheap and it isn't good for the savings balance you have for a rainy day.

I usually get a gift card for son-in- laws birthday for his favourite coffee shop- put in a birthday card. He appreciates i've remembered and its saving him money as well.

I think NanaTuesday's idea is an excellant one, maybe even with 2 or 3 of the families going together, if they live close to each other? Or gift them cinema tickets as a family, if thats more their thing? Or an ice- skating trip? But surely it saves a few pounds to gift them as a family than so much each? For christmas anyway. I have a grown up nephew who gifts a tub of chocolates to family members at christmas, and we are happy with that, and it saves us from having to ourselves them.😄

We give money and experiences.

I have a lot to buy for as well‐ so i'm looking at 3 for 2 gifts on Boots online etc, things they would need really, like shower gel gift sets etc, and ive discovered Temu, which although it has some stuff thats naff, it does have a Lot that is ok stuff for a small gift, not overpriced, especially dolls& doll clothes or soft toys for younger ones, or kitch little household stuff, i got youngest son quite a few stuff on there for his new uni (shared) house- at a fraction of the cost in shops-things young ones 'forget' you need like the kitchen stuff etc, the clothes on there are usually good too- anything not ok they refund you.(i use clearpay or paypal to keep my bank details safe and can spread cost also)Theres some great cards on there as well- Or maybe you can make something for them if you knit, sew, or crochet? We all got something crocheted last year from my eldest daughter as they were a bit strapped for cash, and she had just learnt to crochet! Or as others suggested, bake a cake if bakings your thing.Theres a few things alternative, as costs can rise when you buy for everyone, i gave all the couples a gift between them last xmas- towel bale for one son & partner as they were just moved house, very useful, and they said were very good & just what they needed.! Sometimes you have to think outside the box.Or just tell them all you can only buy for the younger children this year.I'm sure they will understand.

Suggest doing a Secret Santa… that’s what my DiL’s parents do. It seems to work for them.

I stop when they are earning their own money and could remember my birthday, but don't!

Christmas we still buy for our own grandchildren ( and I am pretty indulgent with parent's permission) but not the great neices and nephews. It has to stop somewhere. We still buy for siblings, a small token gift usually.

I work on the rule that if I see any of my great nephews and nieces in person I'll give them a bit of pocket money. Also if I am invited to a birthday celebration I will take a gift. Otherwise, that's it.

fancythat
I can hear the dilemma that you have , also I understand the less is more mantra .
If you are happy to spend the £25 per GC & £50per adult why not then buy Panto tickets ?
The family who have less money would perhaps appreciate that & with £25 in the kitty per child you could also perhaps stretch to a gift within that budget or ice cream in the interval . Same with adults & the other family will not be overloaded with “ things” they feel the children do not need .
Not only but also you are creating memories, whether that is one Panto trip or two separate ones . If you do local Theatres that’s surely within budget & everyone should be catered for 🤩
Just a thought .

Allira

Secret Santa for adults at Christmas or just stop giving gifts for over 18s, or 21s if they are still in education?
Or buy a box of posh biscuits, chocolates or wine for each couple and just buy presents for the children.

That sounds a lot to buy presents for!

Allira
Yes, we have done secret Santa that was our thing before the GC came along & started when my DD was at University,she is now 49😘 That worked well enough with a limit of £30 each at the time or if a couple we’d double it up one year DDx1 wanted a set of prints for the home .
The Christmas Eve boxes now take place of SS & include the items you have mentioned . They also used to include homemade Christmas cookie jar mixes with cutters & handwritten Recipes .Christmas PJs or fleece blankets. Christmas Duvet covers,Chris jumpers . Obviously not all of these at the same time ,just an idea of the things I included over the years once GC were of an age , I am sure you get the idea I /we have once or twice been the recipients of a Christmas Eve box & it was lovely.
This year , I have already decided to rein in on these boxes ,the GGC all under 3 years will still get a little something possibly a Christmas book 📕
Yes, TBH is is a lot , which is why at Christmas there are no individual gifts on either side of the family . It takes the stress out of the “ what to buy” also there was a few years where we all would go to a Panto which was my gift to GC - Covid seemed to put paid to that & now the GC are older getting everyone in one place at the same time is sometimes a bit of a faff .

I agree with GG13 that it’s down to individual choice and budget.
However, like crazyH I am generous to those I do buy for.

Babs03

@nanatuesday you are buying a lot, if you have the funds and don’t mind putting in the effort that is fine but if not suggest to your sons and daughters and GCs etc., that from now on only special birthdays will get a present, as the other poster suggested. You can still send a lovely card, perhaps a photo card ordered online, with special wishes inside. Or maybe bake a cake for the special day or just give a bunch of flowers - though these can be expensive.
All the best xx

Babs03,
Thanks for the input , however I do exactly that with my own side of the family, picture birthday cards ,I also do bake a cake as & when if we are meeting etc & always a birthday balloon or flowers .
It sounds like I go all out with gifts adding these to the mix. I do £20 in a card ( well actually it’s more than likely popped in with the sweets etc - so hidden ).
Added to the balloons & wrapped prettily it all looks more than it is .

I (we) buy for all AC, partners, GC also my sister, brother-in-law and nieces.

Christmas, Birthdays and a little something for Easter.

It’s up to the individual and their budgets.

Secret Santa for adults at Christmas or just stop giving gifts for over 18s, or 21s if they are still in education?
Or buy a box of posh biscuits, chocolates or wine for each couple and just buy presents for the children.

That sounds a lot to buy presents for!

Dickens

My two teenage grandsons have money in Trust for when they reach age 18 - I shall add to that this Christmas, and that will give me great pleasure.

I asked the older grandchild what he intended to do with the money - he lives abroad - his intention is to use the money to return to the UK and become an MP .

The younger one intends to build his own house - out of Lego bricks .

Wow ,that’s fantastic , well done to your GS

biglouis

I announced back in the 1970s that I would no longer be buying gifts or cards and did not wish or expect to recieve any. It took a couple of years to get the message fully across because family members tried to "guilt" me but I stuck to my decision. It saves so much hassle and needless expense buying tat.

If you want to cut down why not impose some limit, such as buying only for your own immediate grandchildren under the age of X. Cut out the cousins, nieces and nephews. Adults over 18 should understand that you have a budget.

Big Louis,
Oh I never said I buy for cousins ,nieces & nephews..phew that would be a hefty one I come from a large family & have at least 16 nieces& nephews plus 2 godsons & 8 siblings … not happening !
The most that happens is big birthdays & birth of a baby 🙏

Just buy small token gifts for the kids, a special present for 18 & 21st - cut off at 21. I wouldn’t do the adults who have children.
I have a sibling with 4 grown up sons, now married with kids- it was getting far too stressful for me to buy for them all.
I bit the bullet last & told my sibling I wouldn’t be buying Christmas presents I couldn’t afford it ( they btw are loaded- kids have really jobs).
My aunt stopped buying for me after 18, I don’t love her any the less because of it.

When our children were younger we bought friends with children a family board game, when they got older we bought a box of posher crackers, older still luxury biscuits or shortbread, until the ‘children’ left home and we all stopped.

My two teenage grandsons have money in Trust for when they reach age 18 - I shall add to that this Christmas, and that will give me great pleasure.

I asked the older grandchild what he intended to do with the money - he lives abroad - his intention is to use the money to return to the UK and become an MP .

The younger one intends to build his own house - out of Lego bricks .

Draw the line when they are old enough to say ‘Thank you’ and don’t