When or where to draw a line on Birthdays 🎈

Whatever you feel comfortable giving for your immediate family for birthdays as they don’t usually come all at once. I would leave out cousins nephews nieces it is too much expense. They have their own immediate families to receive gifts from.

For each family sons daughters etc I would make a Christmas hamper up you get gift baskets from B&M etc. It will be an end for you laying out lots of cash and you might just enjoy making up the hampers. Christmas Eve box I suggest that you tell your family it is too much I am sure they will understand.

You could do a big shop to buy tinned ham salmon jars of chutney jams etc packs of crackers mince pies (all well dated). Include usual goodies nuts and chocolate selection packs or treats all identical. You can even buy gluten free and dried vegan food in packs now the choice is endless. I made up a hamper for a friend who is coeliac she was delighted I had made an effort to suit her diet.

Our friend buys us a little hamper at Christmas and it is most welcome in the miserable weeks after the holiday. It covers everything and it’s a lovely gift to share for families as these extra additions at Christmas do run up the bills.

...On the same subject Christmas time I do a Christmas Eve box for each family x

When did Christmas Eve presents become a thing?

Will we eventually be buying a 'box' to be opened on the day before Christmas Eve?

A percentage of all these gifts will end up at the back of a cupboard or in landfill.

I'm not one of the "we-were-happy-with-an-orange-in-a-stocking-on-Christmas-day" brigade, but I do think maybe we need less stuff. Gifting an item that you know someone really wants or needs is one thing, but adding more and more things to the 'stocking' for the sake of - well, what?

I could fill a fairly large box with items that I've been gifted over the years by well-meaning friends and family; ornaments that are 'cute', scarves which I never wear - a book which the person who gave it to me enjoyed so much which bored me after 3 pages, 'useful' kitchen tools which turned out to be anything but and now sit at the back of the cupboard...

I've told my family not to buy me anything at all, and to earmark that money for their own children or spouses, which would give me more pleasure. I'm fortunate to be able to buy what I want or need (within reason) and am becoming panicky at the amount of stuff in my house that I know - now that I'm in my 80s - someone else will have to get rid of if I don't one day.

I have always been generous and I don’t intend to stop now. What do we need money for, at our age? I am not rich but I have enough. I am divorced. I have some savings.
I spend about £200 (by way of cash or gifts) - per Birthday and Xmas, a total of about £4400 a year for 5 Adults and 6 GC. My needs are less as I get older. Food and heat are my main expenses. I don’t go for big holidays unless my children invite me to join them.

Adult children receive a birthday card only, unless it's a significant birthday, ie a 40th.
Grandchildren, we decided, receive a card and a gift until they are 18, after this just a card.
This was all agreed years ago when adult children left to get married.

I have 8 grandchildren and I too understand the birthday/Christmas dilemma. One family has more money than the other family so I'm whittling things down these days. Books are my 'go to' presents and perhaps a small amount of money for the piggybank.
The other family doesn't have so much. These grandchildren range from 11, the teens and 20 so they like to receive money - the eldest is getting married next year so that needs to be taken into consideration!!!!
I want them to have something to open but overall I find Christmas presents quite difficult

This year having spent a great deal on gifts before I'm reducing the amount considerably .
My children are receiving smaller gifts .
And so are my friends . I'm not explaining why .
I buy my neighbour a really expensive gift , her husband wine and each of their three girls presents .
The daughters don't even thank me .
One year, I had a Bayliss and Harding hand-wash from them .
I make jewellery occasionally and the ladies might be getting something .
To be honest , I'm fed up with the whole event .
The shops are crammed full of Christmas gifts earlier and earlier .
I vowed to serve meals to the homeless .
Now I'm having too much back and knee pain to do it , but I can help in other ways .

I’ve stopped birthday money/gifts for all family now except for significant birthdays of close family members. We also no longer buy Xmas gifts for the majority, having come to an agreement about it some years ago. It’s become far too expensive, family continues to expand so it’s necessary to draw a line, plus, many of these family members are not seen from one year to the next (not due to falling out, by the way, just circumstances). It saves a lot of worry and expense for all concerned.

We set a limit on £25 per grandchild (7 of them) at Christmas. I think over 18 too old to give money to, so it's often a book each or kitchen utensil for the ones in student flats etc. Make a bit more of an effort for their birthdays. £25 also for sons-in-law but only cards for their birthdays 😢. A bit more for own DDs but not ostentatiously so. We've never gone in for Christmas Eve boxes thank goodness, tho when the DDs were children I used to get them new pyjamas to wear on C Eve and I think they so the same with the DGCs.

I know the feeling.
Though essentially have half of all that.

I do a £15 budget for everyone, for birthdays.
Everyone seems happy with that.

Christmas is trickier.
I have been doing about £25 for kids and £50 for adults.
Two of the families have asked me[and others] to cut down on Christmas.
They say their kids have plenty. And if they have less, they appreciate it more. Fair enough.

I like to be fair in what I share out.
One of the families, is struggling more than the others.
Have not quite worked out how I am going to deal with that.

I announced back in the 1970s that I would no longer be buying gifts or cards and did not wish or expect to recieve any. It took a couple of years to get the message fully across because family members tried to "guilt" me but I stuck to my decision. It saves so much hassle and needless expense buying tat.

If you want to cut down why not impose some limit, such as buying only for your own immediate grandchildren under the age of X. Cut out the cousins, nieces and nephews. Adults over 18 should understand that you have a budget.

You could suggest each family does a secret Santa where you only need to buy one present, although I like your Christmas box idea. I think you have a large number to buy for outwith that, so cutting it to big birthdays sounds fine. One of my aunts stopped buying any presents once the recipient turned 16. Noone went in a huff, it was understood.

@nanatuesday you are buying a lot, if you have the funds and don’t mind putting in the effort that is fine but if not suggest to your sons and daughters and GCs etc., that from now on only special birthdays will get a present, as the other poster suggested. You can still send a lovely card, perhaps a photo card ordered online, with special wishes inside. Or maybe bake a cake for the special day or just give a bunch of flowers - though these can be expensive.
All the best xx

Do what you can afford and what you like to do.

Many stop at 18 or 21, we have 5 AC and still buy for them and their partners and just the one grandchild.