How would you deal with this…..

i would not go to his wedding under those circumstances

So according to the original post the wedding is TOMORROW
what did you decide Meow are you going to come back and tell us or was this just a ‘pull em in and leave ‘em wondering’ type of thread

where are you MeowWow

He is wrong not to tell them. He and his new partner should have included them in the ceremony, making them ‘bestmen’. I feel his decision not to tell them will go against him and his new wife in the future. They are not children they are teenagers and old enough to understand.

Wow I really feel for you in this dilemma.

What I can't figure is you say your GC have met this woman and they now 'accept' her whatever that means.

I have a few questions:

Does this woman have childrent too?
Doe she presently live with your son?
If not then is she planning to move in after the wedding, this will impact on the GC too.
Are they planning to live apart? If so why are they getting married?
There is so much here I don't get.
One thing is for sure- I would not attend the wedding even though the consequences for you could be quite serious.
Sometimes those boundaries have to be upheld- your son is using you and I would have nothing to do with it.

Thank you all, for your replies. I have told my son that not telling his two children that he’s marrying is wrong and I don’t want to lie to my grandchildren. He understands and I am now not going to the ceremony. I also asked him how his fiancé feels about him saying nothing to his children and his reply was “she’s leaving it up to him to decide”. As I can’t do or say anything to change my son’s mind I just have to accept his decision and let him get on with his life. There’s a lot more to this saga but I can’t go into it right now. I’m just very thankful to all of you for taking the time to share your views.

That is a wise choice Meow. Thanks for coming back to us.

very wise Meow.. thank goodness your GC have you in their lives..

Wise and brave Meow
I hope you can explain one day to the grandchildren and the fiancée the pickle you had been put in

Is it a big wedding or just a quiet do ?
How very sad all round

I am sorry for your ex daughter in law. She's hardly even 'ex' when she shares parenting with your son!

His responsibility is to the children and their mother, not to the new love. He ought not to be remarrying. He simply could have an affair as so many others do. He already has plenty of people to be responsible for.
No wonder if he feels too guilty to tell his children.

Good decision Meow. I hope things are ok

Thank you for getting back to us, Meow. So many OPs leave us hanging. Glad you're not going to the wedding. The kids are lucky to have you around to bring a bit of normality to their lives.

FWIW I think you made the right decision Meow. I hope when the time comes your GC are OK with what's happened and I'm sure that having you for a GM will help.

MeowWow

My son is recently divorced (separated for 18 months). When he moved into his own place his two children (15 and 13) had a difficult time adjusting- he shares parenting 50/50 with his ex. My son has met another woman and they are madly in love and want to marry. Just as the children started to get used to their new living arrangements my son told them he had met someone else. They were not happy about it but having met her they sort of now accept it. He has not told them he is engaged. The dilemma I am facing now is that my son will be marrying his new fiancé in a weeks time and he’s not telling his children because he knows they will be devastated. He’s invited me to the ceremony and wants me to say nothing to my grandchildren either. I can’t bear the thought of keeping something like this from my grandchildren. I don’t understand the rush to get married or why he feels it’s right to not tell his two children. How would you handle this situation?

Your grandchildren might feel betrayed that their own grandmother kept this from them

I haven’t seen my only grandchild for six months. Will he remember me . Thank you .

Oh dear what a situation to be in . I’m sorry but your DS really has no backbone if he is willing to hide this fact .
How does he think they will respond when they do find out !
Lots of questions here , hiding the wedding / marriage is awful .
Do you think you should maybe say that you will not attend ,aren’t happy to attend in this particular situation ?
Also what message does it send to the children .
And where does the new woman come in on this ? Surely if she had morals she would insist that they tell the children especially due to the fact that they have taken a while to adjust to the divorce etc .
Has she children ?
Why like others have said the hurry ?
Is she pregnant ?
It’s all very bizzare indeed .

Caleo

I am sorry for your ex daughter in law. She's hardly even 'ex' when she shares parenting with your son!

His responsibility is to the children and their mother, not to the new love. He ought not to be remarrying. He simply could have an affair as so many others do. He already has plenty of people to be responsible for.
No wonder if he feels too guilty to tell his children.

Caleo,

It is hardly an affair if he is divorced & the other person is single . Just saying .