How ‘independent’ are you?

We have always been very independent until Mr J started having health problems a few years ago. I looked after him then and still do what I can. Mr J does not like asking for help but there are times when assistance is greatly appreciated when your health deteriorates. As a non driver have always been grateful to friends who will take us to hospital appointments or get a few bits of shopping for us. In the past we have helped elderly neighbours and it is good to know that there are people around who are wiling and able to help. So if it is offered we graciously accept.

Very independent here I go to hosp once month 4 buses but no way do I want anyone to take me. I would never ask for help.. I’ve always been the same like to do things myself fiercely independent, but I would help anyone who needed it

I am usually very independent and do everything myself but a few months ago I had a fall and hurt myself badly. I was so grateful to my son who stayed with me for a few days and my neighbours who offered help.
You are independent until suddenly you aren't.

I am independent because there is no alternative. There isn't anyone to help unfortunately. At the moment most things are doable but when I had a procedure in hospital this year I had to stay overnight ( on a trolley in a corridor ) because I had to be sedated and there was no-one to watch me at home. Understandable really.
My friends with cars have either given up driving or died so I use taxis a lot if going home at night .It gets expensive and limits my going to social events.

There are things that I can't manage without help, some I pay for, cleaner, gardener etc but my sister who is older than me comes to change my bed linen every week and for the help I get from her I am eternally grateful. When I was going through chemo weekly for 3 months I could not have managed without her. My extremely busy eldest daughter offered to help too but it would have cost her as she's self employed. What ever I can manage I do for myself quite happily.

I do appreciate being dropped off for hospital appointments as I've got a bit of a thing about not being late and buses are not always reliable. But I'm happy to get myself home as the time doesn't matter then.

Ditto..totally understand.

I Totally understand as I hate asking for help, though I have people I could ask on occasions if I needed to. Once a year I have to have a diabetic retinopathy test, after which I can't drive. A friend of mine has the same condition and the last three years we have booked our appointments a week apart so we can take each other and reciprocate. I can deal with that as I don't feel like I'm putting someone out. She has been told she now has to go only every other year whereas I'm still on the annual visit. She says she'll still take me but I'm now wondering if there's an alternative as I hate not being able to do the same for her. I hate being dependant on anyone but I guess I need to accept help occasionally. I often get asked to help others or offer to help if I see a need so I shouldn't really feel bad but I guess asking for help feels like the start of a slippery slope. I just hope if I ever really need help I can get over myself and ask.

After being divorced for 30 years, and bringing up 3 children on my own, I have learned to be extremely independent. I remarried a year ago aged 75 and still find it difficult to accept help with anything, much to my DH's annoyance! I dread the day when I become "needy"!

Generally I’m fairly independent, still driving, do my own shopping etc. But parking at our local hospitals is dreadful, so I do ask my daughters if they can take me & drop me off there. They come back for me when I’ve finished my appointment. At the moment I’m staying at one of my daughter’s houses as I’ve just had a hip replacement and need help. I’ll go back home after 5-6 weeks, when I’m able to do my own cooking etc.

My DH insists in accompanying me to hospital appointments which I think stems for a pre-natal appointment he missed during which I was given some bad news. The doctor phoned me when I got home to make sure I got home okay, as he noticed me driving on my own when he popped out to go to the hospital canteen and said he wouldn’t have given me the bad news if he’d known I was going to drive home alone.

As a couple we are very independent but very dependent on one another.

I think the key here is health.Suffering bad health saps your confidence for going on journeys unaccompanied, that you would not have thought twice about at one time.I try to be quite independent, but the down side to that is, people think you NEVER need help !!!

I am 80 and consider myself independent.DS2 lives with me but he has a full time job.I do have some health issues but try to not let them get in the way.
I have my son and grandchildren who will provide me with help if I need it but I intend to stay independent for as long as possible.
I am lucky I have all my marbles still.My mother, at my age had dementia, and needed 24 hour care until she died at 88.
I think I could cope with a physical disability but not a mental one.After seeing what dementia did to my mother I would rather be put into a wooden box.

Like you I detest being beholden to others, or having to ask for help.

When I have to, I pay the petrol, if taken somewhere in someone's car, or do them a favour in return.

I do have to sort myself out as family don't live near me. I did though get help when I had a cataract removed. Not wantibg to wait 15 mobths I went private and had the op in the city nearest to a son. I drove to him, he took me to hospital and when I was ready for discharge later in the day DIL collected me and I stayed overnight as recommended not to drive for 24 hours. I am sure if I needed hospitalisation I would be asking to be transferred to be near family as it would be much easier than having to travel to my area. If realky had to sons would help out but need to stay at my place.

Apologies for the mistakes, sure you got the meaning inspite of them.

I think sometimes people want to help and feel hurt when their assistance is rejected. We like to help others where we can but also accept it at times. It's a two way street.

I really dislike asking for help and even after my hip replacement I managed at home alone as soon as I got out of hospital ( even though I would have preferred a few more days in the hospital as I really didn't feel confident about going home). However I am having some old farm barns converted into a house for me to move into (started this week - held up for over a year!) - and the builder, architect, planner, etc all seem to bypass me and go straight to my son. To be honest, I am relieved as the hold ups have been so stressful I just want to step back and pretend it has nothing to do with me!

I am so independent and will not ask for help. I have always been like this and dread to think what a cross old boot I will turn into if I become dependent on others to help me.

Yes - very independent - as a result, no one offers to help me 😂

Sodapop I agree. I’m not as independent as I would like to be as have problems with my sight and hearing as well as arthritis. I found it difficult to ask at first but realised that many people like being able to help. I now accept help whenever it’s offered.

Although I am completely independent at the moment. I have decided that when and if I do become dependent I will accept it gracefully.

Individually we have little control over whether we will become more dependent with age and if it does come, why make it worse for yourself and those who help you by hating it, trying to do things that you cannot and risking what dependence you have.

Although I am independent, DH is less able to do things, so before each child visits I ask them to help me with one or two tasks when they with us. Last week DD and I got all the Christmas things out of the loft. It is a 2 person job, and DH cannot do it. Similarly when DS comes down at Christmas, he will be cutting some wood left by the tree surgeon that previously DH would do routinely. This year he can't. So it will be 45 minutes in the garden with a small chain saw for DS.

Both children are happy to do these small jobs and are relieved that I know that will ask for help if it is needed. It stops them worrying about us needing help and not asking for it.

I lost my independence overnight after a fall in which I broke my right shoulder. I was in a sling 6 weeks, unable to drive for 12 and experienced grim pain for several months. I’m lucky in having two daughters living nearby. They were fantastic, helping with shopping, and making me laugh. It was a reminder that I’m getting older. I needed a gardener to mow the lawns and a cleaner to sweep and mop the floors. I’m very fortunate in having a decent pension and I’ve kept them on. My shoulder is good but not strong as it was.
Independence is important to all of us. My mum refused gardeners or cleaners which left her daughters doing these things as well as working and children. I’m trying to minimise any pressure on my children but recent events nudged me into accepting things may change in a heart beat

I'm very independent but also happy to accept help if it's offered, I'll also offer help to others and it makes me happy when they accept. So, rightly or wrongly I assume if I accept help from someone it's good for the other person too. Don't we all want to feel valued in some way? I had help from a complete stranger getting a suitcase up stairs on the Paris metro, someone else helped me at the airport I really appreciated the help. People are kind and like to help others.