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Grandchildren in charge

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Ohmother Thu 28-Nov-24 00:13:57

My son has two children 3 and 8 who just seem to run rings around their parents. The 8 year old kicks the parent and growls if he can’t have his own way and the 3 year old copies the actions. The 3 year old doesn’t sleep the night through so they get taken downstairs to watch tv at 3am.

I’ve tried talking to my son about having boundaries with the kids as they tried it on with us this weekend and won to some extent. Me and my other half were exhausted and didn’t enjoy the experience. I gave them cuddles when they got jealous of each other and cried or I distracted them onto another task if one was trying to wind the other up but I have to say it was blooming hard work for us and the parents are always saying they’re exhausted.

The parents have spoken to agencies and seem to think the 8 year old has oppositional behaviour traits and the 3 year old may have a sleep condition due to snoring when asleep, I’m thinking sleep apnea (sp?)

I don’t know why I’m writing this except to say we had friends who always made excuses of a medical kind for their two sons and their sons led them a life of hell as teenagers with no actual written medical diagnosis. There are no complaints from school or nursery about behaviours whilst there. So why does this only happen outside these confines? Is it, as I suspect, lack of respect, boundaries and clear rules at home?

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NotSpaghetti Fri 29-Nov-24 14:53:16

Yes, my son thinks parenting is "hard work".
🤣
He says when you're weary it's hard to be firm and then harder still to follow through with the consequences.
He's right, of course.
You need to stay with the plan!

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Ktsmum Fri 29-Nov-24 14:56:21

I was an older parent, my Dd born when I was 42. I told her from being maube 7 or 8 that I would be far too old for teenage tantrums, so not to bother. I was so scared of being judged for having a 'naughty' child that I was probably a bit too strict, but it didn't do any harm. She would never have dared behave like this, and she has turned into a lovely successful young woman. I think some parents are too afraid of their children not liking them 🙄

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icanhandthemback Fri 29-Nov-24 17:26:27

I think if your grandchildren have spoken to agencies who think they have ODD traits, then that means that you are expecting something of those children they can't manage. There is another condition known as PDA which is a form of Autism and that is extremely hard on parents. With either of these conditions parents are judged by others and have a really hard time. The two conditions are managed entirely differently so it is important to know which one you are dealing with.
It is rare for agencies to (particularly Social Services) to even consider either of these disorders so I think you have to listen to what the parents are telling you. Research it and see if you can understand the condition better.

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Cid24 Fri 29-Nov-24 19:25:22

I think Gentle Parenting” has a lot to answer for!

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Chardy Fri 29-Nov-24 21:52:22

My honest opinion is that a bit of 'Granny's house, Granny's rules', away from parents, might break the cycle of 8yo getting his own way by kicking, and 3yo watching 3am TV

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PaperMonster Fri 29-Nov-24 22:17:14

Cid24 Gentle Parenting is not permissive parenting.

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