When you got married did you save escape money ?

The notion of “Running away” money was always a bit of lighthearted fun between me and my friends, in the early years of marriage and motherhood. It never really meant actually leaving your husband and marriage. It was more the comforting thought that if you were having a bad day with the kids, or were very tired after sleepless nights, that you had set aside maybe just the price of a cup of tea and a bun in a cafe. A huge treat for me in those days. In later years I maybe had enough for a night away somewhere. Never really needed to use it but it was there if I needed it. 43 happily married years later, my DH and I laugh about it and he completely understands the idea!

JoyBloggs what a good memory you have 23 October 1971 was a special day for us both and our DHs. As you say ‘Early Days’ 😀

Grams2five have you actually read all the posts?

No I didn’t. And I think anyone who starts a marriage believing it’s a good idea is a whole lot more likely to use it. Dh and I went into our marriage with the idea that it was a “for better or worse “ situation without an escape route. We had 32 incredible years and a few that were bumpy. Thank God I didn’t have an easy way out back then I’d have missed out on all the good that followed. We shouldn’t be going about advising people getting married to plan for the marriages end before they’ve even got out the gate. We should be reminding them that it’s easy to stay married when it’s sunshine and rainbows , the part that’s hard, the part that makes it worthwhile is finding a way to muddle thru the hard times together. As my youngest son and daughter in law said in their vows just a few years ago , marriage isn’t just I do. It’s a bow to always choose your spouse. To choose them over anyone else yes. But also to chose them over your own self. A promise that come what May you will always choose the other.

We always had separate bank accounts but joint credit card. Simple reason I had a bank account before my husband did . Came in handy when he was terminal as we opened another one in my name which was to pay all the household bills he put most of his money in his account into and topped up with his salary . My husband always paid the bills and brought furniture etc. But it was my savings which got us our first house . And my money was used for buying presents . Sadly he died aged 47 , will be 21 years ago in February.

My mother told me to keep a “post office” book, just in case. I’ve been married 59 years and haven’t needed it yet!

I did try to save for an escape fund when I realised just how disastrous things had become but I had to escape before there was really enough in there. Fortunately I had a tax rebate just as things went for a Burton so that helped. It has never occurred to me in my current marriage.

I never had one but my mother did, she called it her “skin of the housekeeping”. She never needed to use it!

Nope but always had my own bank account so did my 'ex' as well as a joint account..mum always told me to have my own account as did she but mum and dad were married 62 years...me 8..lol

NanKate I recall from a thread several years ago that you and I were married on the same day in the year xxxx. I have never had an escape fund and fortunately have never had need of one... but as you'll know it's 'early days' !
May I say how long we've each been married?

I'm happily married but we have separate accounts and a joint account for bills. I tried a joint account for everything but OH is hopeless with money and it was constantly being nearly overdrawn despite us both having a good salary. Three times he has asked and been given my savings in the past to pay off his huge credit card bills. The crunch came when he wanted to take a second mortgage on our home and I refused outright. Since then he's been much more careful with money and we have no debts.
He's a very good person, does most of the cooking, helps with cleaning, washing, does all the gardening and was a brilliant father.
I'm glad I had separate savings as we would have gone bankrupt and lost the house. But run away money No definitely didn't save for that.
In hindsight I should have realised much earlier in the marriage that his salary was not matching what he was spending on holiday, cars, the children etc but I thought he earned a great deal more than he actually did.

My running away money consisted of a university education and a well paid job. My Mum said that that was what she wanted for all three of her girl children in order for it to be easy to escape … and it paid off. Thanks, Mum !

Initially mine was not a running-away fund but one for a breast reduction operation once I'd saved enough. DH knew nothing about it as I was too embarrassed to tell him. As the children came along we didn't have enough to save anything at all and by the time I could afford the surgery I was too old to risk the anaesthetic, so it got incorporated into our joint finances.

DH was not useful with money. Not that either of us was at all extravagant, he just wasn't any good at paying bills when they were due or working out whether we had enough from month to month. He was happy to leave the job all to me. Initially we had just a joint account (which I managed till I got fed up of the responsibility, passed the job to him and found us in overdraft within a month!) but when I worked part-time when the children were small I had a separate account. It was needed for my tax return as I was self-employed.

As the years went on we both had self-employed income as well as employed income so three accounts were needed, the joint one for all household expenses.

DH never got to grips with keeping track of money, has not a clue about investing surpluses, and isn't really interested. He is not a big spender (neither am I) in fact he is probably fairly stingy. But he has never objected to any spending that I choose to do cos he knows that I know what I am doing. For example, he was quite happy to live forever with our 40-year-old lounge 3-piece suite and his eyes opened wide when I told him how much the replacement would cost, but he didn't object. I didn't have to ask his permission but I've always given him the chance to object. He never has.

I buy all his clothes, he isn't interested. If I buy him a new sweater he forgets every other sweater he possesses.

I try to keep him informed of our finances, even ask his advice, so in theory he knows what we have in savings, but as he isn't interested he still hasn't got a clue.

If I wanted to run away I could easily take all the money myself, he wouldn't even know where it was.

But I have too many friends and rellies who thought their marriages were secure and found themselves alone and penniless to advise complacency with finances.

My Ma and I called it "knicker money" for a rainy day.

Never thought about it at all and have never needed it thank goodness.
I have two friends who always worked to be able to save their own money in case their marriages fell apart. They never did but they still keep their own money apart. Not particularly happy marriages but have stuck with it.

My mum told me to always have a little stash of money just in case I needed to get away. I obeyed her and always had a few quid in the back of my purse so I never had to ask my husband for every penny. We’ve now been married 55 years and I have the most generous husband so I’ve stopped doing it now.

We kept our separate accounts when we married and only opened a joint savings account when an insurance claim payout came in joint names so it was the easiest way to pay in the cheque. When I found out about his affair and we broke up, one of the first things he did was clear that account out! I didn't have an escape fund but in the end it was him who left. If I'd need money my mum would have helped. She kept offering me money but I told her not to give me anything untl after the divorce so he wouldn't get his hands on it!

Yes I did and we kept all our finances separate , no joint accounts. I have always had my own money and savings. When we moved house after marrying, I found out what a low threshold he had for stress. I kept a packed bag in the boot of my car. I still have it.

We always had joint accounts, didn’t occur to us not to, until I became self employed and needed an independent account. No matter where it is lodged it’s all ‘our’ money, just the way we are.

My Mum advised keeping a cash emergency fund for household emergencies or as she put it a need for new knickers. It’s been useful over the years, we still have a ‘just in case’ amount of cash. Have never needed it for knickers though .

That's the way to do it!

I wish someone had said that to me…but it would have made little difference. My husband had total control of all finances from the word go…and I brought none into the marriage.
I had to note down everything spent in the cheque book I was given, so frequently had to buy my son’s clothing, etc, under the guise of Tesco groceries or similar.
For our first Christmas I saved ‘change’ for over a year. And with that I bought him an expensive sheepskin coat ( all the rage in the 1970s) … I got an indoor plastic watering can and a nylon scarf!
Eventually I started a small business from home and began to earn a little money, but after being hit one too many times, ( not a frequent happening, but happened a few times too many, tho the mental abuse was constant ) gathered my two small sons cowering in the hall and ran out of the house in apron and slippers, face all bloody from a fractured eye/ nose. I lived on the kindness of friends for a few weeks whilst getting a solicitor and …eventually… got back into my home and my husband evicted!
I continued with my small business and am still doing it to this day…it was hard, will never be rich, but at 78 I still love it!
Escape money would have been a great idea had I been able to see what was to happen!

Never considered it.

In the early days once the children came along there weren't even spare pennies, let alone spare pounds to squirrel away. I did have my own bank account though, where my salary was paid. We shared everything anyway. I suppose if I had been unhappy in my marriage it might have been something I would have done.

I didn't exactly have an escape account but I did have a post office account where I saved a little now and again. It came in handy when it became obvious I needed to get a divorce. I also saved the child benefit in a building society account for the 3 children to share when they went to uni, had driving lessons, needed a deposit on a flat. Sadly, their father stole the whole lot after convincing the lady at the building society to give him the money from the account. Luckily, security on accounts is much more secure now. He also forged my signature several times to divert money. I'm happy now with a loving and caring husband. We have a joint account and our own accounts.

A friend of mine is in a loveless marriage and has a bolt fund as she calls it, at one time was touch and go as to whether she would leave him but as time has gone on either she has found him less difficult to live with or is too hooked on the lifestyle she is able to afford with his very generous pension. In any case neither bolt fund nor leaving her husband has been mentioned for years.
I never put money aside, am v lucky in having my best friend as my OH, 45 years and counting.

We had a joint account but he was quite useless with money and, when he told me he was leaving, I went to the bank, took my share and opened an account in my name in the bank across the road. He never complained.