Small appetite in restaurants

I am going out this week with my neighbours for a set meal which is three courses. Last year, at the same venue, there was a choice of two or three courses. This year, three only. I don’t care for dessert so never order it. I don’t like to be faced with paying for food I don’t want to eat, but as it’s not so much about the food as the occasion I shall grin and bear it.

I wouldn't stress too much about eating different portions. The main enjoyment is the company of good friends rather than what is eaten.
I have anaphylaxis to wheat and nuts. My friends and family know that I rarely eat in restaurants unless the chef can guarantee a safe meal. If not then I will sit at the table just with lots of tea or coffee and not eat. It's fine,I don't need to take the risk of a serious allergic reaction but also don't want to miss out on socialising.

One of my dearest friends often orders a child portion as she simply cannot eat larger portions for medical reasons. We eat out fairly regularly with them, we couldn’t care less if she, or her lovely husband, have one small course, or ten large portions! Likewise drinks!

I’m quite happy 🐽🐽🐷🐷 through my own trough of delicious grub!

Both DH and I used to love going out for a three course meal, but have noticed in the last few years we can’t eat the same amount, even at home our portion sized has halved almost, so when we go for a meal it’s usually either a starter and main or just a main course we order. The only exception to this was recently when we were using a gift card we were given last Christmas and the restaurant had Crannachan on the menu and I had that as well, but felt bloated for hours, so won’t do that again.

I often order a starter, maybe with a portion of chips, for my main course. I find it difficult to finish a ‘proper’ main course. I usually feel very uncomfortable if I force myself to eat. Stick to your guns!

I don't know why you don't say ''Please don't say that. You say it each time, and it makes me anxious.'' She deserves it.

I never eat 3 courses I think lots of people don't now. And I have a family member without an oesophagus and he eats very very small meals but can still go out to eat. I wouldn't be bothered just ignore the comments...her issue not yours

I know someone who doesn't drink alcohol and when people put pressure on her with a "Go on, have a glass of wine" or similar, she says "I'm on strong antibiotics" (or "I'm an alcoholic" if it's strangers) and they leave her alone immediately. A polite refusal from her doesn't usually work, so this is her second line of defence.

My daughter who often socialises with younger colleagues is surprised at how many "at least half" are at the bar ordering 0% alcohol beer and wine.

I meant to add - she isn't an alcoholic and her friends and family would know this, so the second excuse only works with strangers!

I digress now, but I have a friend who - when she is asked at a dinner party what her job is and she replies "Lactation Consultant" - it also stops further questions!

I can't eat large meals or drink alcohol - both for medical reasons. Thankfully, I've never found it a problem when eating out. I'm happy to ask for smaller portions and none of my family or friends would ever dream of making an issue out of either my small appetite or not drinking alcohol. A real friend wouldn't make anyone feel anxious or embarrassed about something like that.

Why not ask if you could have two starters, one as a starter and one as a main? My cousin and I do this, or a starter each and share a main. She has been known to order a starter and a pudding 😀

Because the portions are so big we ordered two child-sized Scottish breakfasts recently in a cafe in Perth, which was fine. When it came to the table the waiter (blushing) said he was to ask us if we had done this before in their cafe. We said yes, as we had. We were then told that he was new and the chefs had said in no uncertain terms that we should never do that again, as children's sized meals were only for children! We felt like bad school kids!

Sounds like this has been going on for a long while.

Time to 'exhale' and just laugh off their comments... but I do understand how it might become an irritant over time.

GO OUT ... IGNORE AND ENJOY!!!

I dont eat much if/when i go out. I ignore any bullying comments which is what it is. I WILL NOT BE BULLIED and will say exactly that out loud.

She’s a bully! You could equally comment in her gluttony but you don’t. You are nicer than I am as I’d be tempted to say something rude.

I often go out for lunch and we all consider it perfectly acceptable to eat either a starter as a main course, or just to have one course. Usually we share a dessert, just ask for 2 plates or 2 spoons. We certainly wouldn't mind finishing off someone's uneaten dessert either. We wouldn't dream of trying to persuade our friends to eat more than they need.
I don't drink on an empty stomach, but would just ask for a soft drink or alcohol free GandT. It's more often the men that seem to find this worth commenting on, never my lady friends. I just tell them that I can't drink on an empty stomach.
So yes it would annoy me, but it's not really something I encounter.
I do object to splitting the bill in those circumstances though, and would ask for separate bills

I generally order two starters. One for a starter and the other for a main. That way I keep pace with my husband or friend but don’t waste food or leave the table feeling over full.
As for wine, I still drink it but order a 125ml. Works for me.

Well I also find a main course increasingly too much for me so wouldn’t opt for anything else…and maybe a glass of wine if I feel like it. BUt each to their own. I have friends who eat and drink very differently to me and we just tolerate each other. Given she is an old friend, if she’s like this again, I think I’d suggest very nicely, that next time, you meet for tea, coffee, or perhaps a brunch somewhere. You don’t need to put up with her comments and I assume she makes them really, because it makes her feel like she’s over indulging.

I don't see why your friend has a problem with your choice of meal. I only have a main course unless there is a good choice of starter and dessert, in which case, I skip the main and ask for my starter at the same time as the mains come out.
When DH and I go out for a meal we often share a meal. Some restaurants will even give you a much smaller meal if you ask. Worth checking this out before you go.

Stoker48

I have a friend who I occasionally go out for a meal with.
My appetite is small so I generally only go for main course. They like 2 or 3 plus a glass of wine. I occasionally have a glass but not always.
No problem with me. I just chat in a relaxed manner whether I’m eating or not. There’s no time restraints.
However, they make really pointed comments such as “ I feel uncomfortable… why don’t you have another course, a glass of wine etc etc.”
I often go out for meals. Sometimes one to one, sometimes in groups but this is the only person who makes an issue of it.
I ve tried to raise the point gently but they get very defensive and sharp tongued.
Going out with them for lunch shortly and I’m already feeling anxious. What should be a happy occasion is fraught and I tense up which makes me have even less of an appetite!!
Just made the decision that, if this happens again, I will only go out with them in a group.
Out of interest, would you get annoyed with fellow diner? We have known each other for many years….
Thank you

I would be inclined to have a couple of starters instead. or a starter and a dessert It is not nice eating on your own, so I sort of understand where your friend is coming from, other than that eat really slowly and tell the waitress to go ahead and bring your friends' next course, whilst you are still eating your main course. I would never get annoyed with a friend over something like that, just talk it through when you order. Each to their own.

Your friend is rude.

Nevertheless, if you want to keep meeting her for meals you could order two successive starters, one for each course. Or have a starter and a dessert.

My brother always orders two starters rather than a main. Smaller portions which they bring up at the same time. A good idea I think.

When I go out for a meal with friends we generally only have mains with drinks, I have GERD so can’t eat too much and another member of the group is trying hard to lose weight all the time due to health problems.
I think is rude to put pressure on someone e to eat, just say jokingly before you sit down to eat that ‘no’ you are not having multiple courses but ‘yes’ you will enjoy a main in good company and would like to leave it at that.
All the best 🌺🙏🏾

No, it wouldn't bother me at all. They are not very friendly if they make you feel uncomfortable are they?

Many restaurants do small plates these days. Otherwise if I didn’t want three courses plus alcohol I would not go and tell my friend why. If she’s a close friend she will understand.