strengthening my connection with grandaughter

Children the age of your grandchild often appear to like one grown-up relation less than the others, or may even show dislike of the person.

This is usually a phase that the child grows out of quite naturally.

You, and the child's mother, need to make as little of this as possible. The more fuss you make, the more the child will react by carrying on with her present behaviour.

Relax, be yourself, and chat to your step-daughter rather than to the child when you visit. Don't ignore her, but don't try too hard. Small children are like cats - if you show a friendly interest when greeting them, then leave them to do as they want, they will be all over you in two shakes of a lamb's tail.

Buy her stuff…
Might sound cynical but trust me…….

Around children I don’t know I usually just sit on the floor and play house or something similar with a few dolls or teddies. Young children tend to watch for a bit and then join in. She may just grab her toys off you. In which case you could try asking if there is anything you could play with. You really have to let her make the first moves but do something that will peek her interest. Apologies if you have already tried this.

OldHag has the perfect answer. Just ignore her. Don’t beat yourself because of a toddler. She’ll change as she gets older.

But really it's up to her who she wants to be pally with.
Trying to manipulate anyone to like us or act in a certain way sounds off to me.

Mabon1 - that was unkind and really not helpful.
I would second the advice given by others - produce something interesting from your bag and play with it. Little ones are naturally curious and she may well take an interest. Could you find out before you visit what she really likes - my wee grand daughter loves any sort of toy animal (was fascinated by a wind up penguin that I gave her today) - and try something connected with her interests. My wee grand daughter is very affectionate and smothers me in kisses but at other times I get a very casual wave and that is it.
I don't think the fact you are a step grandma will even mean anything to her as she won't understand the difference between that and grandma at three years.

Thanks all. What I'm taking from these comments is that its kind of normal for a 3 year old to do this and I'm over reacting.
Ill try not to let it get to me.
I have bought her a lot of things and I can see that you cant buy love. I do read stories online and send them to her which I will continue. We live interstate. This might sound dramatic, but I wont give up as I know it would upset my husband and my GD mum.

The thing that stands out to me is that you say your step daughter is lovely.
It is great that you get on well with the Step D. The relationship with the GD will improve _ just give it time and try not to be concerned.

Young children are cleverer than you think, they will sense your nervousness and play to it. When you visit say hello and ask if she is well or has had a good day and leave it at that. Get in to normal conversation with her mother or anyone else that is there and kind of ignore her, but keep an eye so if she does something good just say well done. She will come round if you are more confident when visiting.

I tried to get closer to my Grandaughter when she had her first child, we were 4 Generations of women, but she would'nt have it. There seems to be a thing about women does'nt there.

Why is this upsetting anybody - and i mean the adults?

I think it is making it worse and burdening the poor child, who is not born with the job of making adults happy

If you all relaxed and let it happen naturally, it may be better

Let the child be a child. They are not Xanax

Earthmother9

I tried to get closer to my Grandaughter when she had her first child, we were 4 Generations of women, but she would'nt have it. There seems to be a thing about women does'nt there.

Nothing particularly odd about that. Whati find odd is the way people think that there is anything special about women together.

As a new mother it was quite a relief to live 60 miles from my own very DM and equally DMiL I didn't want lots of older wome trying to second guess my child rearing style and compare it with theirs.

Ditto M0nica

Just read that you live interstate, so wondered how often you see your granddaughter?

Hithere

What do you mean by strengthtening the connection? What are your expectations?

She is just a toddler and you are the adult

How many grandchildren do you have?

Most of my GC lived at some distance from me and when I went to visit their families, I didn't make any special efforts but just became part of the furniture of their homes. I behaved with them like I behaved with their parents - one of the family, even if not always there. I now have excellent relationships with them as young adults.

LOUISA1523

Hithere

What do you mean by strengthtening the connection? What are your expectations?

She is just a toddler and you are the adult

How many grandchildren do you have?

That is a very aggressive response to a simplestatement of facts that ahve been said considerably more bluntly elsewhere on the thrad.

I don't agree that that was an aggressive response M0nica, it's just question.

I wouldn't make a thing of it now. Wait until she's older and she may develop interests that you can really help her with. Children do like adults who can get involved with their passions. My husband didn't really like small children and found his grandsons very difficult, If he was alive now he would be having a wonderful time helping them with their computers, especially the boy who wants to build one, because Grandad could do that with his eyes shut.