Friendship query

Stop texting her and drop her like a hot potato. I’m sure you don’t deserve this treatment so why put up with it? Try joining some other groups yourself.

That's sad for you , it's not your fault though . I had it done to me, then saw things posted on media sites ,and it hurt big time . Just look. On the brighter side and remember that you are the stronger one ,, .big hugs xxx

Thank you all for the very kind and insightful responses to my query post.

Apology for lashing out, deleted comment was unacceptable.

I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 65, 2 years ago. It explained so much of my life! Thank you to the friends who have put up with me over the years, it's not always easy! And I really don't know how I would cope without my bestie, so much more perceptive and understanding than my husband.

Good grief ^tictacnana* - where did this come from?
What is your excuse for such an unacceptable comment?

Message deleted by Gransnet as it quoted a deleted post.

Message deleted by Gransnet as it quoted a deleted post.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

If she's lived all these years not putting a name to what she has and still being your friend then I'm afraid her head has been turned by new friends. She's not suddenly devoted a fear of socialising. You have done nothing wrong, find a new friend. As the saying goes , There's nowt so queen as folk.

What a lovely kind friend you have been,try not to feel hurt you have made a difference in someone’s life.Look around & see if there is something you can do you have always wanted to do and look forward not backwards,hope 2025 is a good year for you

I had this type of thing a few years ago when a friend with Autistic problems suddenly found a man friend with manic depression at 70 yrs old and always ever since too busy to meet for even a coffee and I made sure I met up with her every week for 30 plus years , she would ring me with her problems a lot . My husband said we would never have met if she had found lurve years ago ! Was if a real friendship of what I wonder now ? She plans to move to a care home round the corner from me if he died before her so good ole me can be of support again ! Grr 😠

Doodledog

I think I would speak to her and tell her how you feel. There is nothing to lose, and good friends are worth hanging onto.

I agree.

Also you may suggest that you'd enjoy being included in some of her activities with her new friends.

Then you can decide whether you want to continue with this friendship. ..... Good luck~~

I just bet that in the future she will want you to be friends again. However seeing this side of her I would be careful as she might quite easily do this again

buffyfly9, I agree totally. I have a friend who does this on a regular basis. I never know whether I'm "in" or "out" with her. It began when she was diagnosed as bi-polar, so now she has the idea that she only needs to keep up with friends when she wants something. Giving of herself to other people is not a principle that exists for her any more (when DH answers her calls, he takes the sting out for me by saying, "Gird your loins, it's P** again, I'll make you a G&T"). I try not to take it too personally, thinking of her as unable to appreciate that friendship cuts both ways - and I feel sorry for her, to be honest. Easy to say, hard to do though. Good luck with this.

Luckygirl
Bloody labels. Who needs them. So divisive and unnecessary. We are all just people with our various quirks.
I’m glad for you that your life hasn’t been impacted by any of your close family or friends having a condition with a ‘label’.
‘Labels’ as you derisively describe them, aka a diagnosis, can be very helpful in enabling parents, carers and teachers to access appropriate support and information to help a young person manage their condition in such a way that they can live an independent life to their full potential.
Neurodiversity is a spectrum and some people, young and older, are quite seriously disabled by their condition.
Would you be so flippant about someone with a physical disability?

Totally agree

I searched on line and there are several groups for people who are socially shy - e.g. www.meetup.com/topics/shy/gb/
and www.scienceofpeople.com/social-hobbies/
And there are others - I hope this is helpful to the OP or others. The first step is often the hardest - and I know people, including me, who are so glad they took that first step. I wish you well.

When the odds are hopeless, when all seems to be lost , then is the time to be calm. I’m very sad about the situation you’ve found yourself in but hope these words help.

As a fellow adhder with combined type (both hyperactive and inattentive) I can completely understand where this friend is coming from. I was diagnosed last year at the age of 53, after realising 2 years previously that I had ADHD.

I, too, found my tribe. I know several other people with the condition and it’s so freeing to talk to them, interrupt each other, get really excitable etc - in fact it’s been life changing.

Like others have said, you may find that once the novelty of these new friends wears off then she may be back, and it’s up to you whether you welcome her or not. I’m not excusing her behaviour of dropping you like that, merely offering an explanation of why it’s happened.

This must be quite hurtful for you, NinjaNan. I think, in your position, I might message the (ex)friend, say that you've always valued her friendship and that you'd be glad to hear from her eventually.

I had been friends with someone for decades and she became very ill, She has never cooked properly so for 12 months I took her and her husband a casserole every week. At Christmas I made a Christmas cake for them. At the end of January the husband knocked on my back and said "Here is the plate back which you put the Christmas cake on" No thank you and not once had they ever said the casseroles were enjoyed by them. For me that was the last straw, I haven't been there since.

She’s enjoying her ADHD diagnosis, and the new friends it’s revealed! Maybe that’s the only reason for an ADHD
diagnosis in later life, I can’t see any other. Unless it allows her to skive at work?
As with so much - let it go.

Some good thoughts here and I hope some of them are helpful to you. I advise not going down the road of resentment - it is never a happy road to go down. You could calmly and without blame tell her how you feel - that might help her and you. Also you have the self knowledge that you are very shy, which is a great start to a new worthwhile road for yourself. I suggest you search on line for groups who are socially shy but want contact with other people - not sure which words you'd use but I guess you can try a few times and see what comes up. In other words, take action on your own behalf - you are someone who knows about kindness and there are people out there who would value knowing you.

I understand that you find this situation hurtful, but please try not to stress about it, it will drag you down. Leave the door open for her to contact you if she wants to in the future. Maybe you could take up a new interest to take your mind off this?