Friendship query

This must be very hurtful.and annoying for you. I think all you can do is to occupy the higher ground and tell yourself that you were a lovely and loyal friend and she has proved to be the opposite. Maybe her new insight into her ADHD has changed her personality! I would move on with my life if i were you, don't try to contact her in any way. I suppose I sound a bit hard but it's not how I think she should treat a good friend. Good luck.

Having ADHD doesn't mean you ditch your friends. I can understand how you feel.

However your friend is coming to terms with a life changing diagnosis so I can also understand how she might like to spend time with new people and gain some insight.

It seems a shame you have stopped meeting up though I can see how you may not take to her new friends so much. I think a bit of effort here may stand you in good stead especially if your friend realises she needs you more than she thought, which is possible.

Otherwise I would focus on any other friends you may have, or look up some old ones you have lost touch with, or even get involved with something new and who knows, maybe make new friends of your own?

Ahh but if you d never taken her you d have never know what a flakey friend she was at least you know now
Look for some new friends yourself it hurts for a bit but you ll be ok
I had a best friend once we spent hours supporting each other and it was a good friendship for years and then she let me down big time I was so sad at the time but I didn’t look back and it’s just a memory now I have some really good friends now

Hi, I think it would be hard not to feel how you are feeling at present.

Perhaps tho, these new acquaintances of your friend bring a feeling of maybe resemblance where she sees she has behaviours/attitudes in common? I’m not putting this very well, I hope in my clumsy way I’m making sense!

This new friendship group may or may not have duration. You may very well hear from her in the future when she realises and values your friendship.

I can only imagine how you feel. I wonder if you have helped her find other people experiencing coming to understand their shared diagnosis and how it affects them. This might be overwhelming for her at the moment.

She’s obviously found her tribe
Most girls/ women mask the condition. It’s exhausting for them.
With her tribe she can be herself and just relax. Don’t take it personally, it’s not you.

It’s a shame but maybe she is just enjoying being with people who ‘get’ what she has been going through. It must be exhausting putting on a front for others. However, I imagine it won’t be long before she realises what a good friend you are and how you supported her in finding out more about her condition. Just be patient and let her be the one to suggest meeting up.
Take care 🌺

That’s life I think. Friends come and go, family lasts forever.

I think I would speak to her and tell her how you feel. There is nothing to lose, and good friends are worth hanging onto.

I wouldn’t rush to get in touch but if she does get in touch with you suggest a meet up coffee etc. If you are met with an excuse just move on she obviously has but don’t take it personal it’s not you.

I think she will come back and renew your friendship. Just now she has finally met people who feel as she does and no doubt she finds that liberating and a great relief. In your shoes I would keep in contact, no pressure on her and watch and wait.
I fully understand how you feel sidelined by her . If in the unlikely situation that she does not want to pick up her friendship with you , pat yourself on the back for introducing her to the ADHD event. I wish you well.

Good post Shelflife just the advice I d give

Unfortunately, I have found that, often, if you are very helpful to someone, they become resentful and drop you out of guilt for not knowing how to react to your assistance. Perhaps that is what this lady is experiencing.
Don’t forget that you “have friends for a day, for a season nd for life”. This lady may be the second category.

The new friends might be a bit of a novelty, which could wear off after a while.

If so, you could review how you feel about your friend,

I don't think her adhd is any excuse. Let her get on with it, with like minded friends. She will be back, they will all exhaust each other. Just remember she's flakey. Don't worry about things you can't change, I think most people have a friend who dropped them when you introduced them to another friend. I did when I was on holiday but when it fizzled out I couldn't trust her again.

Bloody labels. Who needs them. So divisive and unnecessary. We are all just people with our various quirks.

Luckygirl3

Bloody labels. Who needs them. So divisive and unnecessary. We are all just people with our various quirks.

This.

I've ADD, no problems that impact others, I merely need quiet to concentrate. I do know the hyper in ADHD can impact others, hopefully her new insights are helping her and she will be amenable to meet ups again.

Perhaps write one note explaining that you're sad to lose her?

What a bitch

I dont understand how she can use her diagnoses as an excuse, she is still the same person as she has been for the decades you have been friends.

I know somebody that has had a late diagnoses and that is all she talks about, it can become very boring.

You have been a very supportive, understanding friend and you have been dropped because she has discovered that she now has a diagnosis and new friends that she can explore this with.. she is being very selfish and shortsighted.. I would find people who appreciate your kindness and have a bit more integrity within a friendship..

I understand that you find this situation hurtful, but please try not to stress about it, it will drag you down. Leave the door open for her to contact you if she wants to in the future. Maybe you could take up a new interest to take your mind off this?

Some good thoughts here and I hope some of them are helpful to you. I advise not going down the road of resentment - it is never a happy road to go down. You could calmly and without blame tell her how you feel - that might help her and you. Also you have the self knowledge that you are very shy, which is a great start to a new worthwhile road for yourself. I suggest you search on line for groups who are socially shy but want contact with other people - not sure which words you'd use but I guess you can try a few times and see what comes up. In other words, take action on your own behalf - you are someone who knows about kindness and there are people out there who would value knowing you.

She’s enjoying her ADHD diagnosis, and the new friends it’s revealed! Maybe that’s the only reason for an ADHD
diagnosis in later life, I can’t see any other. Unless it allows her to skive at work?
As with so much - let it go.

I had been friends with someone for decades and she became very ill, She has never cooked properly so for 12 months I took her and her husband a casserole every week. At Christmas I made a Christmas cake for them. At the end of January the husband knocked on my back and said "Here is the plate back which you put the Christmas cake on" No thank you and not once had they ever said the casseroles were enjoyed by them. For me that was the last straw, I haven't been there since.