Would you expect step grandchild to buy small Christmas gifts.

Absolutely.

I've found that men aren't necessarily good at this sort of thing. How many couples do you know where the wife organises cards and presents for his family as well as hers? So the idea of giving presents may not have crossed his mind.

I'd suggest continuing to give him presents but perhaps drop hints, when others are around as well, about how much you appreciate a bunch of flowers or a box of chocolates on your birthday/Christmas.

My son has two stepsons - now adults - to whom I have always given a small sum of money at Christmas, and on their birthdays. I’ve never expected anything back from them except a thankyou. This year I had a thankyou from the eldest, but nothing from the youngest. I’ve never considered myself, or wished to be, a grandmother to them; have certainly never wished for presents, but I was surprised at how much the lack of a simple “thankyou” has upset me. I rarely see them now and I have wondered recently whether to confine myself to just sending birthday cards now. Difficult isn’t it?

I have a recently acquired step grandson, he’s late teens and although we get on, and we meet up on family occasions, he’ll never really be a grandson, in the same way that the other children are.
I do of course give presents, and he doesn’t, that doesn’t bother me in the slightest, but I do find it awkward, and wish there were some rules I could follow

I wouldn't expect it, simply because children these days are always being bought things, as a matter of course.

To even get a comic or colouring set was a big deal, back in the day, but times have changed.

Now your step grandson is over 21 I would stop buying him gifts or giving him large amounts of money. But it depends on the family present giving etiquette.
Equally, I would not expect a gift from him

I have two grandchildren who are now adults. I still give money for birthdays and Christmas. Don’t expect anything in return, just a hug and a thank you.

I wouldn’t expect a gift from anyone. In future if there is something you want him to spend the cash on then buy it. When I give money as gifts I always say to spend it on something frivolous.

Whatever age the stepchildren get to, it was never their choice to be blended in with people other than their own parents, I'd imagine.

If people feel they are not "real" grandhildren then perhaps don't compare them and expect the same behaviour.

For any older grandchild to realise they are now an adult and can no longer leave present-giving to Mum to deal with is a big jump, whether step or blood relative. Sometimes it doesn’t start until they leave home or get a partner. Sometimes not at all, or only if they see you on the day.
Whether you decide to stop giving presents at 18 or 21 or never is an issue often discussed and I think it depends on your relationship, ie how much you see them and interact with each other.
My step-son stopped giving me presents after his Dad died and that’s fine with me. I sent him money for his daughter, my step-granddaughter, for her birthday which he ( but not she) thanked me for, but I don’t have a regular relationship with her.

I think it’s slightly awkward, we really want to do the right thing, but our step grandson is grown up, if he was younger he would just be absorbed into the family, but it’s never really going to happen

My GSs always buy my husband birthday and Christmas presents. To be fair he's never thought of or referred to them as step anything. When our joint child had their first child someone said, "you're going to be a granddad " and he replied "yes and I've been practicing for 15 years."

I wouldn’t expect anything from a young lad, related or not. Most men have to be prompted to buy presents.

Skydancer I completely agree x

MissAdventure

Whatever age the stepchildren get to, it was never their choice to be blended in with people other than their own parents, I'd imagine.

If people feel they are not "real" grandhildren then perhaps don't compare them and expect the same behaviour.

Agreed.

We've steps, our widowed daughter re-married. My brother also married a widow with GC. However the children didn't make the choice.

We give gifts, expect nothing except polite behaviour.

I don't think the fact that they are "step" is relevant.
If they visit you on your birthday then a card or flowers would be nice, but I don't think I would expect any gift from young adult relatives.
I've noticed that once nieces and nephews are late teens they never send thank yous. I presume their mother makes them do it when younger. I don't expect a hand written note but a simple WhatsApp to say thanks is just good manners.

My rule now is that birthday gifts stop at 21 and Christmas only if we will be getting together.

Thanks a lot for your replies. Things is, his half sister and half brother both buy me presents, so he is fully aware that its the done thing. He buys quite expensive things for them and his mum and stepdad (my son). So really there is no excuse, my daughter and i have treat him so well and would be delighted with just a small token. He rarely visits me although his half brother, my grandson does so regularly. I hate the idea of not giving him anything. He is young for his age; still living with Mum and Dad so its costing him hardly anything to live.
As I said earlier, I saved for his 21st and gave him a good sum, so Ive treat him as my own. If he got his own place, I'm prepared to help him out with furnishings etc, but I can't see that happening.
I will probably just continue as before, as I'd probably feel bad about it if I didn't . Thank you all for your opinions.

Spot on Skydancer, very true!

We are a blended family and whilst my own AC's remember my OH birthday and get him a card plus a small gift at Christmas I would have a very loooonnnnngggg wait for something from any of his side! But we are soon reminded if his neice doesn't receive her birthday money on time! Makes me so angry

No. I don’t even get them off my grandkids.

I'd say that gifts are just that - gifts. They're not barter or trade. Just stop giving your step-children gifts once they're grown-up. Until then, hold your counsel and console yourself that you're not whipping up bad feeling within an already delicate family balance.

Theres no point comparing a school age child who loves buying presents with a teen.

It's almost always mum who sorts it all out for a school child, if we're frank about it.

Never ‘expect’ anything then you won’t be disappointed, just pleasantly surprised if you do receive something. Unlikely but there it is.

Yes, I get all your points, just wondered what others thought.
Thanks, it helps to put things in perspective.
Fried Green Tomatoes, I dont expect anything, that's the point, but I'd be over the moon if the thought was there!
Regarding comparing a school child with a teen, said school child insists on using their own money to buy lovely little gifts, and the comparison is not a teen but in late 20s. still living at home and paying out very little for keep etc.
I know when it comes to the crunch I will probably just carry on as I have been doing, thanks all for your various opinions.