Wedding photos

That's a good idea, Elowen not to look at the photos.

I'm quite surprised that having one's photo taken, even in a crowd, (I presume it's a bit of a crowd if it's a standard wedding) is such an issue for some people. I don't particularly like having mine taken but it's not an "issue". I just googled the question as to why it is an issue for some and that was quite interesting, also sad. The suggestion of vanity was wrong so I'm sorry about that.

LOUISA1523

Honestly just suck it up...you not going to have any of the photos displayed in your home....its not worth falling out over .....this wedding is about them and its not too much to ask for the mother of the groom to be in the photos...its hardly bridezilla stuff....if you stay home then be prepared for the fallout ....don't do something you may regret .... I'm not you ...I don't know your history....but as an outsider I would think it very petty that the grooms mother was not in attendance over a photo disagreement...honestly it the young couples day ....just do it

Why all the …….. instead of normal punctuation? Not criticising, just really curious.

I hate being photographed too but I think you will regret it later if you are not in the wedding photos of your DS. Photographers these days are very skilled in helping people feel at ease.

Its what I do....when I whats app...when I text...🤷‍♀️🤣

Go to the wedding, smile and pose when asked and just get on with it! I dislike having my photo taken too but rarely look at the resulting photos.

Reminds me of my Gran at my wedding. She was in a wheel chair and didn't want her photo taken , I insisted ( she wasn't
long for this world) Get me a glass of sherry then , she snapped
after the photo she said ' now take the filthy stuff away at least
I might look like I was enjoying myself'
I still have the photo and the fond memory of her.

I think what a lot of posters are saying is that it isn't all about you. It is their wedding not yours so just do as they want on their special day.

I don't think it is usually vanity that makes people hate being photographed I think it is the opposite.

Indigo8

I think what a lot of posters are saying is that it isn't all about you. It is their wedding not yours so just do as they want on their special day.

I don't think it is usually vanity that makes people hate being photographed I think it is the opposite.

We understand that it's about the bride and groom and not about us, which is why I did 'suck it up' and be in the photos (as few as I could get away with), but that doesn't make it any more comfortable for those of us who hate getting our photo taken. And no, it's nothing to do with vanity.

I do understand exactly how you feel. I cringe every time I am shown photos of DS’s and DD’s weddings. I look so awful compared with everyone else and feel I have spoiled the photos. However, it was their day and it was expected that I should be in the photos so I never questioned it. I am sure they would have rather had me in them than not so I just had to put up with it.

It does rather sound as though the OP is making the day all about herself and it’s a shame to spoil the happy couple’s day in this way.

I think the OP might be fretting about very little anyway, as in the recent weddings I’ve been to, the photographer has been almost invisible and has taken gorgeous informal photos without us even noticing she was there. She just kind of melted into the background, very clever stuff.

Just crack on and accept this isn’t ’your Day’, it’s theirs. As others have said, wedding photography is often less formal. I’m going to be mob for the 2nd time soon. It’s not a role id have chosen and finding an outfit that looks like me, not the lady mayoress of Weatherfield is always a challenge.

Given that you have already spoken about this I'd say "I'm happy to be in a photo with you, one with our immediate family and one group - but I'dlike the photographer to not take casual photosof me".
This is straightforward and should be achievable without too much disruption.

You must go. Suck up (say) 3 photos and then it's over.
It is very petty otherwise.

Good luck.
Xx

The issue for you seems to be seeing pictures of yourself, so why not go along with their wishes, because they want to include you, and have pictures of you on the day for their memories of their wedding. Just ask the happy couple to never show you any of the photographs of you.

An uncle of mine who was a professional photographer used to say “Always remember that others see you differently to what you see” - in other words they’re probably less critical.

Please attend the wedding for your son and DIL and lift the corners of your mouth for the photos. Professional photographers know how to get the best out of people - you might even be pleasantly surprised at the result!

That is truly lovely halfpint1
I know you will always look st that photo fondly. 💖

I don’t think many of us normal folk, if I may say that, actively like having our photos taken. I’m not at all photogenic, but when I remarked to a colleague that some people always looked good in photos, his reply was “Yes, Maggie, they’re the good-looking people”.

Of course the mother of the groom needs to be in a photo or two, for the benefit of future generations if nothing else. Not attending isn’t an option. You could end up with a family rift like the one in my family - the one that means I have never seen a photo of my maternal grandparents. It’s sad that I’ll never know what they looked like.

Obviously this is causing you distress.......... but your DS and DIL want you on their wedding photos - of course they do! Please try and do that for them , as for considering not going to the wedding???? If it really is that bad please see you GP and see if he can give you something to help you relax. Remember when the photograph is being taken you are not all that matters, detach your mind , think of your favourite peaceful place ' go there ' smile and relax. Think how pleased you will be after the event! I sincerely wish you good luck , enjoy the wedding and you can do this !!!

Thank you everyone who has commented. You are all very kind to take the time to leave a comment. Given me some food for thought.
Best wishes everyone.

I think you are being unreasonable.

Other people have to look at you all the time except if you walk around with a bag on your head.

If you don't want to see the photos don't look a them but I do think you are making a big thing of something very small.

When my niece got married I was bald from the chemo but love looking at the photos of myself- when my DD got married my hair had grown back a little but not enough for my usual style.

Weddings should be happy and joyous occasions and the focus should be on your son and his bride. How lovely it will be- if you really don't want to go I'd happily stand in as your surrogate.

I find wedding photos are helped along by a glass of something fizzy beforehand!

Go looking fab, put on your brave face and just enjoy the day.

It really isn't all about you, sorry.

LOUISA1523

Its what I do....when I whats app...when I text...🤷‍♀️🤣

I can see that! I just wondered why you are making extra work for yourself. It’s certainly unusual.

In not a bit photogenic and really dislike having my photo taken.

However, a good professional photographer should be able to put everyone at their ease and catch them when they're looked relaxed and happy.

Forget about yourself, think about the happy couple, relax and you might be surprised (and pleased) to find you don't ruin the wedding photos after all.

I'm not a bit photogenic ....

Have a look at the Estrangement forum on here. So many GN's would love to be invited to their son's wedding. Put your big girl pants on, have your photo taken and celebrate his special day. It isn't all about you.

DD had no formal group pictures, just a random set of “snaps” which, though good, means that she doesn’t have one with her father and really regrets that. I do, too.

Some tips:
Stand slightly sideways, not absolutely face-on
Don't try to pose, you'll just look stiff
Don't smile broadly, just gently
Think of what a lovely day it is and how happy they are
Deep breath, then relax

Photographers these days take dozens of shots to choose just one because it's mostly digital now. They can also edit the photos afterwards.