Wedding photos

I always hate my photos but never in my wildest dreams would I insist I wasn't in my children's wedding photos. One day I won't be around and I would hate them to look at their wedding day pictures and remember I couldn't do this one little thing for them.
I used to avoid photos but I read an article where a woman had terminal cancer and she'd spent her life avoiding being photographed in family situations. Knowing she was dying and there was no way she could go back and be in the photos made her really sad. I decided to stop being so anal about being photographed.

Having a photo taken is painless. You don't have to look at them afterwards if it's a problem for you.

Diplomat

Having a photo taken is painless. You don't have to look at them afterwards if it's a problem for you.

Again with the dismissive remarks...

Well, I'm sorry, ViceVersa but it is not dismissive to point out that the mother of the groom is not the most important person at the wedding and, by making her feelings felt about photographs the OP is upsetting her future DIL and possibly future family relationships.

No-one will really be looking at the mother of the groom anyway.

I hate to see photos of myself but that's the face we present to the world every day.
Oh, would some Power the gift give us
To see ourselves as others see us!

I have repeatedly said on this thread that I know it is all about the bride and groom and no-one else, but that doesn't mean the OP's feelings on having her photo taken are valid. That's all I meant.
And don't tell me that some people don't look at wedding photos (I mean ones of the entire wedding party/family) and think 'god, what a state she looks/what on earth is she wearing etc.

ViceVersa, just because you are judgemental when you look at photos, it doesn't mean everyone is. I certainly don't think that when I look at whole family wedding photos. The only person I look at like that is myself! However, if I have a photo of me and I can flip it on the computer, hey presto, I don't look as bad!

Well, only if they're judgemental and therefore their opinion is not worth consideration.

Did you read my earlier post about my hat?
I can laugh now but thought at the time I must have been looking ancient.

That reply was to ViceVersa

The wedding pictures are a piece of family history, so it would be sad if the parents weren’t in one. The only ‘ official ‘ ones that DH and I are in are one with DD and S in L, and one of the main party ie bride, groom, attendants and both sets of parents. Hopefully, this would be manageable.

Allira

Well, only if they're judgemental and therefore their opinion is not worth consideration.

Did you read my earlier post about my hat?
I can laugh now but thought at the time I must have been looking ancient.

Yes, but those judgemental comments can really hurt.

The remark about my hat wasn't meant to be unkind, at least that's not how I took it. I think she meant I looked very smart and Royal 😂 👸

Yes, but those judgemental comments can really hurt
I really think you shouldn't take such judgemental comments so seriously because they're unkind and say more about the person making them than about you and your photographs.

Allira

The remark about my hat wasn't meant to be unkind, at least that's not how I took it. I think she meant I looked very smart and Royal 😂 👸

Yes, but those judgemental comments can really hurt
I really think you shouldn't take such judgemental comments so seriously because they're unkind and say more about the person making them than about you and your photographs.

That may be so, but some of us are just more sensitive about these things than others. Comes from a lifetime of being told you're never good enough in one way or another.

Well, I think I look just dreadful in photos, if it's any consolation.

If I worried about it, I'd never go out.

* ViceVersa* I do understand why you may feel that way and I used to suffer in the same why. However, letting someone steal my self-esteem for the rest of my life makes them the winner. I have forced myself to over-ride the narrative in my head and although it was really hard at first, it does get easier. I'd be a liar if I said it was completely gone but the thought of somebody's thoughtlessness or viciousness making my life a misery makes me determined.

ok, so splash out on a fab outfit and new make up to boost your confidence then find out the best way to pose to make you look your best. Apparently standing slightly sideways with one foot forward and standing tall with your head up is good (my daughter did some wedding photography)
Just make the best of yourself and go for it.

As others have said, it’s more for your son’s special occasion that you should be in his wedding photos. He will want to show them to his children and maybe his grandchildren one day. Try standing side on to the camera. It can make a more flattering picture. Try NOT to look at the camera - gaze at something in the distance over the photographer’s shoulder. A good photographer will understand your dilemma and suggest some alternative poses. Try to relax and keep a happy relaxed frame of mind. Casual shots will look better too. Have a lovely day .

Lathyrus3

Hmm I knew someone who didn’t go to her sons wedding because there was something she didn’t like in the arrangements, that made her uncomfortable.

It was the start of a rift that was never healed.

I didn't go to my son's wedding as it was abroad, long haul, and I chose not to go. Never caused a problem.

I think long-haul is a good "excuse" though!

theworriedwell

Lathyrus3

Hmm I knew someone who didn’t go to her sons wedding because there was something she didn’t like in the arrangements, that made her uncomfortable.

It was the start of a rift that was never healed.

I didn't go to my son's wedding as it was abroad, long haul, and I chose not to go. Never caused a problem.

I’m sure they understood the difficulties in long haul and why you couldn’t make it.

It’s a bit different to not going because you don’t want to be in their photos. That’s really hurtful somehow.

Have you talked to your son about this Lizziethelab? Apologies if you've said you have and I've missed it.

You could say that you'll limit the number of photos you appear on for example one with the groom and his parents, one with the bride and groom and both sets of parents and one group photo.

I agree with other posters. You're making the day all about you when it should be about your son and his new bride. It's causing unnecessary drama and upset which will undoubtedly damage your future relationship with them. I also find it hard to believe that you aren't usually an anxious person if you're prepared to make a scene about this one issue. I look sub human on photos but I wouldn't upset my son and his future wife over it. I'm wondering whether there's more to this. Do you resent his fiancee? Are you playing some sort of power game with her? If you are, I can assure you that you will be the one to lose.

Flappergirl, I don’t know about ‘making a scene’, but the taking of photos is time-consuming enough without having to cajole someone into being in the photos, or having to talk them out of the bathroom! ( An exaggeration, obviously)
Can I suggest just a quiet word with your son, and ask him if all the photos you have to be in are done first, then at least you’re off the hook quickly, and nobody need be any the wiser?

The mother of the groom won't be in many photos, just family groups then a large group shot.

Wedding photography has changed immensely over the years since we got married and there were about 20 posed shots to choose from. In black and white!

Smileless2012 Have you talked to your son about this Lizziethelab? Apologies if you've said you have and I've missed it.

I couldn't work out if your son cares. Perhaps ask him?

Are wedding photos ever viewed after the wedding?

I think photographs take up less time with families than they used to. I have been surprised at more recent weddings how little the parents feature in them. I know I look lousy in a photograph but it's not just they are trying to avoid photographing me, I've noticed it at weddings where I am not the mother!!! 🤣🤣