Paying for alcohol detox

valdavi

I would do it in her shoes, unless it's obvious her daughter's not fully committed.
A house is bricks and mortar, a chance to save a young life is beyond price.
We lost a family member, young woman, to this. She was amazing, will always miss her.
The fact her mum's re-mortgaging her house might give her just that extra wee bit of motivation to stay on the programme that tips the balance.

And then what happens, god forbid that mum defaults on the mortgage.
Don’t rescue to the point where you have to be rescued.
Obviously you have never lived with an addict.
I remember a psychiatrist explaining to me how selfish addicts are.
That fix, that drink, that bet on a horse is all that matters.

I would have thought you have to want to seriously stop drinking for any detox to work.

Her mother should not consider taking money out of her property to provide a detox.

Save your money. Abide by everything the previous posters have said. It is sound advice. Been there, done that Former husband went into several detox clinics. When he was in one of them, the doctor there telephoned me. Mr D told them that his drinking was all my fault! Er, um --- I did not lift the glass to his mouth!!

A friend of mine was an alcoholic for 30 years before he finally accepted he needed to change, and that was only after he fell and split his head open one night. It broke up his marriage and he lost touch with his son. He came close to losing his job many times and it was eventually his boss who insisted he went to a rehab centre. He was apparently totally against it initially and was there over a month before he finally started to make some headway. He's now been sober for nearly 20 years.

Addictions are hard - whether it's drinking, smoking, gambling, porn - there's a chemical response involved, not just someone wanting to do something. It took me about 15 attempts to give up smoking. But then my boss did it in one go, so it depends also on will power.

Two things:

1. I agree that the person with the alcohol problem needs to be the one to make the decision. You can't force someone to accept help they aren't ready to accept.

2. Detox is a great start, but for many people it's not enough. Addiction is something people start for a reason - as my nursing student said, nobody wakes up one day and thinks, "Wow, today would be a great day to start a meth addiction" (substitute whatever addiction is at issue). Unless and until they're prepared to address whatever caused them to drink or use drugs in the first place, and to learn better coping mechanisms, there is a substantial risk of relapse. Note I am NOT saying that detox is no good. Detox, IMO, is fantastic for getting the substance out of people's systems and putting them in a place where they can think more clearly. The issue is that detox is the start of an ongoing process, it's not the be-all and end-all.

A relative of mine is a recovering alcoholic, only stopped drinking when serious liver problems were discovered. As previous posters have said,the desire to stop drinking has to come from the drinker.

Valdavi, I’m afraid you’re mistaken. OP, please take the sound advice you’ve had here. I’ve met enough recovering alcoholics to know that the decision to stop has to come from the individual (me included.)
Sadly a dear young friend died of multiple organ failure recently, despite her parents stumping up yet again for rehab. She didn’t want to stop. I hope and pray that your niece decides that she can’t go on like she is anymore.
Maybe a first step would be to call the AA telephone helpline (I volunteer on this) but again, she has to be willing to do this. Please encourage your sister to attend Al-Anon and you could go too.
You might learn there that family members absolutely have to stop enabling the alcoholic. Your niece no doubt feels that she can always turn to her family to deal with her mess but it doesn’t work.

There is good evidence that a community detox is better then a residential one. Community ones are usually supervised by a local Drug and Alcohol team and a community psychiatric nurse would see the patient daily to begin with and a reducing dose of chlordiazepoxide would be prescribed. Follow up would continue for several months

I agree with Humbertbear and everyone else. It is a heartbreaking situation.
My ex husband went into rehab a number of times but is still drinking to day (aged 74). He could not give up for his wife, children and grandchildren. He was supported throughout by his family and his colleagues for many years but to no avail and he still does not appreciate how his choices have caused so much upset in the family.

valdavi

I would do it in her shoes, unless it's obvious her daughter's not fully committed.
A house is bricks and mortar, a chance to save a young life is beyond price.
We lost a family member, young woman, to this. She was amazing, will always miss her.
The fact her mum's re-mortgaging her house might give her just that extra wee bit of motivation to stay on the programme that tips the balance.

Alcoholics don’t think like that. She won’t care that her DM has taken out a mortgage to fund her treatment. Unless she is committed to it, there will be no long lasting effect. As has already been mentioned, an alcoholic has to reach rock bottom before they even consider going into in rehab and rock bottom is far lower than most people can imagine.

I would do it in her shoes, unless it's obvious her daughter's not fully committed.
A house is bricks and mortar, a chance to save a young life is beyond price.
We lost a family member, young woman, to this. She was amazing, will always miss her.
The fact her mum's re-mortgaging her house might give her just that extra wee bit of motivation to stay on the programme that tips the balance.

Hello Madwoman. My dear friend's son is an alcoholic. He lost his marriage and daughters due to his drinking and at one time was suicidal.

His cousin offered to pay for him to go to a private clinic (no idea how much it cost) nearly two years ago and he remains sober. The success rate is low and maybe having reached rock bottom was the incentive he needed.

He had never tried rehab before or even attended AA. He goes through his daily mantra every morning and attends two to three meetings a week, some of which are online when he's working away from home.

We are immensely proud of what he has achieved and he is now putting his life back together though so far, without his daughters. He is very aware of his vulnerability with alcohol so refuses non alcoholic wine, beer and larger substitutes.

Retread is right, there is always hope but it will be a waste of time and money if your niece is not ready to undertake the difficult and life long journey to live as a recovering alcoholic.

Your sister should save her money. Niece will just find some new feeble excuse to leave rehab, and it will always be the fault of someone else. £30,000 straight down the drain.

Niece is ruining her own life. That's bad enough.

Don't let her ruin her mother.

Well done Rosie and LaC.

We have a family member who has been sober for 35 years, initially with help from AA and then she simply got on with her life.

There's always hope.

For an alcoholic every day is a new commitment to sobriety. Every day they have to say no to alcohol. Every hour of every day. Every minute of every hour. And only the alcoholic can make that commitment.

I don’t think your niece is anywhere near ready to do that. She still wants to drink. Another detox will be as pointless as the first two.

It’s heartbreaking.

I have a relative who is an alcoholic though she says she isn’t! Every year at huge expense which is paid for by her husband she goes to a clinic to dry out and stop the drinking. She goes in for a month and has never done more than two weeks! This has gone on for over 12 years. She is very unhappy about her life and I can see she drinks to blank things out. So unless the person really wants to stop and can handle stopping then a fortune will be spent with no improvement. Going into debt will just add to the problem in my view.

Very hard for your sister and I understand why she would consider this. However, she would be wasting her money, as others have said.

A GP would be able to oversee a home detox, if the drinker was ready and motivated to give up alcohol.

Your sister could contact a family practitioner on this list of accredited counsellors and ask for their professional advice:

addictionprofessionals.org.uk/directory/practitioner-directory?p=1

Best of luck.

Madwoman, I feel for you and your family in this sad situation.
Please listen to the advice you've been given here from those who have real knowledge to offer, and spend your money on you and your sister's wellbeing.
If/ when your niece is ready to stop drinking, she will need your support, so be ready and willing then.. not before.
Wishing you good luck.

Your poor sister, it must be awful to watch your child destroying herself like that. I think that if her daughter was genuinely desperate to stop drinking, she would be able to access further help from the NHS. If I was in your sister’s position, I think I might be willing to pay for outpatient counselling if she really wanted help, in the hope that would get her to the point of determination needed, but I wouldn’t pay for residential counselling, which as others have said would be money down the drain if she isn’t 100% committed.

A waste of money. This unfortunate alcoholic has not yet reached the point where she wants to give up.

Speaking from very painful experience with an alcoholic ex-husband, save your money.
The only person who can stop drinking is the drinker, plain and simple. Nobody can do it for them. Unless she acknowledges she has a problem and really wants to get sober, nothing will work. Be there for her, by all means, for support along the way but I wouldn't be paying for it.

It’s a no from me, for all the reasons already mentioned.

Thanks Rosie and LaCrepescule for first hand experience
I’m lucky I can enjoy a glass but don’t continue. My experience is loved ones and work

Sorry meant to say even if she is physically dependent she can get free help.

Does she have a desire to stop drinking? Because if she doesn’t, it’s money down the drain. Is she physically dependent? If she isn’t and is ready to stop, AA is by far and away her best bet. It saved my life and I’m two years sober now.
Even if she isn’t physically dependent she can get free help from drug and alcohol services to detox.
But I can’t stress enough that if this isn’t what she wants, it absolutely won’t work.
If she is, she needs to continue getting support in AA after rehab (which is why rehabs encourage their users to attend meetings whilst they’re receiving treatment.) Stopping is one thing but staying stopped is another.