Different standards

On a practical note, these storage tubs are useful for toys, even small children enjoy putting (or throwing) them away in these.

Not overly precise and tidy but at least each child could learn to put their stuff away. You could perhaps buy a set for the toys at your house and see if they like them.

It won't post, I'll try a different one.

We are,all different! My DD says she remembers our home as "chaotic" but I thought I managed it okay, in spite of DH's extreme untidiness. Now, she is married to a man who admits to OCD. I find the house, and particularly the garden, quite dull and soulless. But she seems happy.

You sound like a fantastic gran and are doing loads to help which I am sure they all appreciate. Carry on as you are.

Try not to worry about it too much. Nobody will remember untidy gardens in 20 years time.

Some people thrive on chaotic lives, you are doing everything you can to help and it seems to me that the grandchildren are happy and well balanced. They probably think chaos is normal and as they get older they may follow in their parents footsteps or they may go completely the other way, as long as they are loved I would give up trying to change them. Maybe encourage the children to help in accordance with their ages and set guidelines when they are in your house. Sounds like you are doing a grand job already.

You sound lovely and so do they, I think a lot of what you mention is modern life, the unfinished house alone is highly frustrating without your worries about the children. I think my mum could have written what you have, I can only say 48 years after the last baby arrived we are still here and doing well.
Not much can be done about a diagnosis for dyslexia until your GC has been at school for two or three years I think

My DD2 never seems to have got the hang of household organisation! Although organisational skills at work are spot on! I just don’t think it’s important to her. And money is tight. I have offered to get some cupboards built-in, to her specification of course but she never seems to be able to decide what she wants. And some of her ideas are really just not practical.
Drawers are chaotic, random stuff is shoved into any available space etc etc. She has a cleaner now, so basic standards maintained in kitchen and bathroom at least. But DD2 would be the first person I would call in a crisis - calm and intelligent and would drop everything to help anyone. She has an extensive friendship network and makes new friends where ever she goes. Sadly, she has no children because I think she would have been a great mum.
She doesn’t always like how she lives, and there are some friends that she will not have round. And she always does a bit clear if people are coming - she knows what a tidy house looks like!
I think that some people get it and some don’t.
I think my approach is much like yours.

Sent this before I meant too! It sounds like you are doing a great job - and your input is clearly valued.
I don’t express my concerns - she gets defensive - she can see the problems but struggles to implement solutions. I can’t see that changing.
I would just try to enjoy your days out and not risk spoiling them.

My son and daughter in law struggled to manage the house and keep up with washing and cleaning when the children were small, but now they are older (and live in a larger more organised house) thinks seem to be improving.
My daughter is the opposite, she throws away anything that she and the children are no longer using and keeps on top of the chaos to some extent.
Another son, single with no children, is very tidy, his flat is lovely but sadly souless. Be careful what you wish for!

What a lovely heartfelt post. It’s wonderful what you are doing.
I have felt similar with my family and I’ve just learn to accept the situation as it is but be available to listen or support when I can physically be there. We never stop being a mum but I’ve learnt to stop rescuing her too!
The children will also get older and things always change!
In my limited experience baby number3 will bring its own magic! Take Care and good wishes.

You sound really caring. In your position, the only thing I would say is that I recognise that things will be changing. I would like to help A LITTLE. Do you have a priority that you would like some help with? As my Dad would have said 'a wee bite at a time is good fishing'. I am sure everyone loves you too bits.

And it honestly was not funny sitting staring at a plateful of brussel sprouts until I caved in and ate the wretched things, which I cannot be the only one on Gransnet who had to, as a small child!

One year my children said,
"As it's Christmas, for a special treat, can we have NO sprouts?"

And one Sunday my son "ate" all his hated broad beans first, then the rest of his dinner.
He went upstairs, spat them out and flushed the toilet.
They float and wouldn't flush away 🤣

Your daughter had a breakdown and takes her children out so they don’t have to be in a messy house. And there’s a third child coming to add to the messiness. Please don’t voice ‘your concerns’ , it will sound like criticism to her whether you mean it or not and she really doesn’t need that. Continue to help, it’s a lovely happy house and it will get better as the children get older.And please don’t ask for a half day catch up on top of the very little spare time your hardworking dd has, that’s really putting pressure on. Maybe you need a little more time to yourself so that their life doesn’t get you down?

Would it not be nice for the DD and the family to have a pleasant space ie functioning and clean and tidy? It must be exhausting being out a lot.

A cleaner twice a week for a start and a gardener.

Just back from a few days with DD and DGS’s.
I have been reading your messages and taken all advice on board. I have also learnt a few things whilst being with them.
DD is incredibly patient with the dgs’s. Whilst other Mums were screaming at their kids around us, she is calm, gets to their level and explains things. I felt so proud of her for this.
She expressed her own concern regarding the garden saying that something else needs to be dug to be able to finish the work off, so they can’t do much with it at the moment.
Yes, her bags/stuff in the car were messy and disorganised but I just bit my tongue on this. We are all different and she seemed to know where everything was!
Lots of you said either you, or loved ones lived chaotically and that made me feel better and more able to detach from it.
I am trying not to think of how much chaos DGC number 3 will add to the household, but so be it.
She was constantly encouraging the children to try new foods and I can see the struggle she has, and can see that she is trying.

They have no money for a cleaner or gardener so that’s out of the question. Luckily, they are always grateful for my help, and welcome it, but I will make sure I ‘offer’ in a less pushy/critical way in future.

I think the news of DGC3 caught me off guard and made me panic, but as many of you said, the children will grow up remembering love and fun and that’s really all that matters. Thank you everyone

StripeyGran

Would it not be nice for the DD and the family to have a pleasant space ie functioning and clean and tidy? It must be exhausting being out a lot.

A cleaner twice a week for a start and a gardener.

Do you know how much cleaners and gardeners charge per hour?

Why not suggest to help out, could you afford to pay for a cleaner for them? I paid for one for a couple of months after my DD had both babies,or in lieu of Birthday present for her? That might take a few stress factors away for a while? And get the house back on an even keel?

MayBee70

I think you needed to let off a bit of steam on here and I hope it has helped. I also think that you’re feeling sad that you would love to be elated about the new addition to the family but your worries ( which are perfectly understandable) are putting a damper on that. I’m afraid that, as I’m terribly disorganised myself I can’t really offer any advice. They sound like a lovely family and you are a lovely mum/grandmother.

Agree with all of this Flaxseed. Try to focus on the happiness in their family rather than the chaos, though I know I’d find that difficult too. I know a family whose situation is very different in that devoted parents are having to cope with a child on the spectrum who is abusive, foul mouthed and generally nasty. Day in and day out. They say he is now “beyond their control”. He’s 12. Keep doing what you’re doing Flaxseed, you’re a great Gran!

The way other people choose to live is their business. I loaned £12,000.0 0 all told to one of my boys and his partner, then said that's it no more. have stated in my will that he is to receive £12,000.00 less than the other two from my estate.

I hope that the new baby won’t put too much stress on you added to all you already do for the family. Don’t run yourself into the ground . Also don’t worry if their house isn’t as you would wish.

Any parent trying to force children to eat things is on a hiding to nowhere.

No one of any age should be forced or pressured to eat any particular thing. Ever.
It is abhorrent abuse.

petra

StripeyGran

Would it not be nice for the DD and the family to have a pleasant space ie functioning and clean and tidy? It must be exhausting being out a lot.

A cleaner twice a week for a start and a gardener.

Do you know how much cleaners and gardeners charge per hour?

Yes, Thanks.

welbeck

No one of any age should be forced or pressured to eat any particular thing. Ever.
It is abhorrent abuse.

Oh dear.

My lovely Mum was abhorrently abusive, I was made to eat about three sprouts at Sunday dinner.
I love them now.

I used to give my children two or three sprouts - they all love them now.

StripeyGran

petra

StripeyGran

Would it not be nice for the DD and the family to have a pleasant space ie functioning and clean and tidy? It must be exhausting being out a lot.

A cleaner twice a week for a start and a gardener.

Do you know how much cleaners and gardeners charge per hour?

Yes, Thanks.

Stripeygran

The problem with having a cleaner is that you're obliged to tidy up the house before they come so that they have a clear run.

Allira yes I did that with my own children where appropriate- a small hopefully attractive serving of the “alien” veg would be put onto the plate - my mantra was “if you don’t want it leave it, just don’t stop me from eating mine by making faces and whining etc”
But when I said forced I meant my Mum did actually used to try and spoon the food into my mouth up till about the age of 7!
But hey school dinners at primary school were no picnic either with those pink clad bullying dinner ladies, denying pudding until all the truly disgusting boiled cabbage (cunningly disguised as wet dock leaves) and rubber stew was eaten up.

We got over it though…and the puddings were delicious