Church & wisdom dilemma

There seem to be 2 issues here: whether to move house or move church. If you move house I’m sure you will fine another church that meets your needs. You can check it out once you have chosen an area in which to live. I still feel a bit confused though.

You could, like Gideon, put out a fleece.

Perhaps the thoroughly unsettled feeling s a message to move?

I would explore places not too far from each of your loved ones but not on the doorstep either.

Maybe try some local churches in the areas you think you might like?
You might get chatting to people with good ideas about the area too.
🤞

Where-ever you live you are likely to have irritations. Perfect neighbours (if there are such people) can move away to be replaced by ones you don’t like as much.
This is something only you can decide, not a bunch of strangers on G’net, so I’m afraid you’re on your own with this one.

If it was me I'd stay a few days including Sundays in areas nearer to the families. Try out the churches in your preferred denomination. If and when you feel comfortable in a particular church then look around at possible locations/houses.
I'm about to move and I'm in my 80's. As a proactive person by nature I have no worries about making new friends, although I am sad to be leaving my lovely circle of friends here. Best wishes for whatever you decide.

If you are thinking seriously about moving from the area, there doesn’t seem much to be gained by changing churches before then.
Moving nearer, but not too near, to relatives is not a bad idea, though they too may move un the future.
Be very sure you choose the right location in terms of transport etc. A house can always be modified to your taste, but the location matters.

Aldom

If it was me I'd stay a few days including Sundays in areas nearer to the families. Try out the churches in your preferred denomination. If and when you feel comfortable in a particular church then look around at possible locations/houses.
I'm about to move and I'm in my 80's. As a proactive person by nature I have no worries about making new friends, although I am sad to be leaving my lovely circle of friends here. Best wishes for whatever you decide.

This. When you move you want a church that has the kind of community that best meets your own needs -it's not too much about denomination, is it? But remember that churches change their vicars/priests.
However, a strong and well run community within a church is to going to chose or allow an appointment that goes against its wellbeing. I'd put up with what you have now and focus on what is next. But you dont say, for example, whether you are a catholic but like an open approach, or like the singing evangelical sort, or the sort who definitely like women vicars or you prefer a man old style, or the Methodist and Unitarian options.

It depends on how much you feel that you need a priest or vicar to intervene between you and God, or you have a direct relationship with Him (or Her if you are of liberal bent), or a relationship with the "Spirit" rather than "God as Person".

Two distinct problems, so deal with them apart.

Am I right in thinking you are in the US where people seem to choose a church because it is nearby and the neighbours go there, rather than because they have found the denomination that suits them`?

If both you and your husband feel that the denomination you belong to, does not really suit you - then start looking hard at why, and which church would suit you better.

But please, do base your choice on finding the most satisfying way of worshipping Our Saviour and not on how conveniently it is placed in relation to your home.

If you move, no doubt you will find the same denomination, unless you have finished up in a very small one.

I'm at the other end of the spectrum AuntieE as a Quaker:

(the Spirit, the Light of Love rather than "God" depending on the individual)

But agree. Its what is closest to your heart that matters

I chose between a little local MfW (Meeting for Worship) over the big city centre one, as it suits my character (we are closely connected in every way of course, but those choosing the small meeting prefer the more meditative approach, even when younger I did, over the one with lots of people and groups and so on)

But the big meeting has Zoom, and there are Zoom as well as RL groups which allow very elderly or people with disabilities or are carers, to join in.

I would choose family over all else. You can’t change family but you can your church.

Thanks for your comments. We arent in a rush to move its just on my mind that this area is more for families not retired people like us., but I realise due to elderly parents and growing grandkids that we cant leave it too long. Weve explored all the churches nearby and so the one that isnt quite our cup of tea is the best of the rest.
Maybe as one of you said there isnt much point in moving churches if we think we may be moving area even though we dont know when that would be.

We are not in a USA situation of travelling far. We have a church in mind that we would join if we moved near our son but the time to move doesnt seem right yet. Sorry if Im confusing anyone. I guess writing all this down has helped me answer my own question. If we arent going to stay here why bother changing churches thus ending up leaving 2! Its not as if we lothe where we attend its just that we dont feel well fed and the other church has better preaching. Like I said I just feel guilty that Im opting for community and serving over better preaching. I guess you can feed yourself but you cant manufacture community.

You can read collections of sermons.
I'd be wary of going somewhere for the preaching. Some of the most successful and popular preachers have turned out to be some of the worst abusers.
All that cult of the personality and having a following.
Where you are at the moment sounds more healthy and having Christian spirit of fellowship and community.
Who cares about denomination.

OP I'm sure you probably already know this but many churches now have a YouTube channel where you can watch their services and listen to their sermons. You can often get a good 'feel' for the kind of community it is.

Some churches publish a weekly newsletter on their website with a calendar of events and various group meetings which gives a good idea of how lively a parish is (or isn't!).

You can always visit the other church maybe once a month if it’s the good preaching you appreciate. If you are unsettled I wouldn’t make any big decisions…..give it time and things will become clear. We nearly moved a couple of years ago, but were unsure. 2 years on I’m very glad we didn’t. That doesn’t mean we won’t move if circumstances change, but if you are already in turmoil then personally I’d wait. No church community is perfect, but if you have good friends there and your integrity isn’t being compromised, again I’d hold on for a while. And perhaps talk it over with family members….especially the younger ones you are planning to move closer too.

JoyBloggs

OP I'm sure you probably already know this but many churches now have a YouTube channel where you can watch their services and listen to their sermons. You can often get a good 'feel' for the kind of community it is.

Some churches publish a weekly newsletter on their website with a calendar of events and various group meetings which gives a good idea of how lively a parish is (or isn't!).

Very good point.

My parents were Christians but didn't.believe you need to go too church to worship god . As according to the bible god is everything.

I am an atheist have been since I was 14 I read the bible and my parents left it up to believe or not . I have been told by so called Christians I will burn in the fires of hell . Pointed out I don't believe in god and heaven so why would I believe in the devil and hell. Pointed I will burn when cremated.

Unfortunately through out my life I have meet so called Christians who only did things for other church goers . If that's Christian behaviour you can keep it.

If you are a true believer in god and want to go too church to worship then you can worship in any church. As surly it's the act of worship is what you go to do . Place doesn't matter.

Well said Whiff

The way a community of people in a faith group relate to each other, and the ideas they have about relating to God/Gods/or the Spirit....does however matter a great deal.

Just as it matters with any group who have come together with the same purposes. For example, people change gardening associations or arts and crafts groups because there are "people problems" within the group.

Well I go back to my tried and tested ways of dealing with things as you will have read in other posts I have put on here. I suggest that you need two separate things to work on. So on the point of moving nearer family I would get two pieces of paper. On one you write the positives about moving nearer, and on the other the negatives. Each time you write something on the paper fold it over, so that it is not visitble and continue on like this. Do the same for how you feel about the churches. I suggest that you do this individually and dont discuss it between yourselves. Then after a few weeks, or when y ou feel you have put everything down that you think is relevant, then on a miserable day get the coffee and sit at the table with each other and open up the papers.

The first thing you want to do is still work alone, but look at the reasons you have put down and collect them into groups. So you might put, enjoy the group, with like working with others on a project, and am happy to take charge of some aspect together. So this is showing you like working with others etc and would prefer that to working alone. When you have done your own list, swap over and look at the other persons list. You may be surprised by something written theire or disagree with their view of what they like or do. With a bit of luck this will ensure that you have not missed out something of importance to you and possibly point out some snags that you had not thought of. Then you also should look at the family situation. If you move nearer to them now is it likely that they could then move elsewhere later on so that you might have moved for nothing?

Can you afford to spend perhaps even up to a month bed and breakfast in autumn or winter, when the weather cant kid you that it is all lovely there. If you can do that you will find out much more about the actual place, and you can visit the churches and wander around. Then get the local paper while you are then and perhaps get them to post them to you when you get home. This will give you lots of information about what goes on in the area, groups like WI or rotarians or whatever, and over time you will see if there is a particular area, perhaps near a pub that is in the local news for late evening problems or fights etc. All good ideas to let you have an idea which area you might like to live in.

You may be surprised by what the outcome is. Sometimes you discover that what you thought was important is not compared to other things. Friends are very precious and those you have had for years know you as you know them like no other. Keeping in close touch with them would be very important to me. You might end up deciding that you really prefer to stay where you are. So could you look at other ways of keeping in touch with the family where you might aim to visit them perhaps once a month from where you live now, or perhaps you could be finding someone trustworthy in their area who you would be prepared to pay to do small jobs for them and to check that they were ok and let you know, if you all felt happy to do that? Well even if you read this and think, none of this is for me, it will start you thinking of other ideas. Also if you have particular hobbies, gardening, beekeeping, cycling or whatever, if you look around you will find clubs or groups in the new area who you can contact. they will be able to advise you on how things work in their areas etc. I have moved 19 times as an adult and 6 as a child, having all sorts of experiences but keeping good friends is one of the top of my lists and am proud of my oldest friendship as I met my friend at aged 2 and we still are friends at 80 now. We have often not lived near one another but have been a support for each other over the years and make sure that we meet up for lunches etc. The great thing is that whatever comes or goes, she is my friend and I can trust her judgement and she of course knows all about my life as I do hers. Wishing you a good journey of discovery as to where you might go next

Maybe ask yourself what the purpose of the church is for you. Is it religious or social?

Move to where you want to be and research churches and social opportunities when you get there.

I can't understand how God would help you decide and yet he or she can't intervene in Gaza.

Sorry but very grateful for any insights into this.

StripeyGran - I have none.

Being a member of a church is often a combination of the two Luckygirl with the social aspect being of equal importance.

The place can matter Whiff because the act of worship varies according to the church. I still really miss our last church, it was C of E but 'high church' with sung mass which was beautiful and as a member of the choir I sang psalms which I'd never done before and loved.

Thank you for coming back to add more information.
We moved to be nearer family. We tried our parish church and felt very comfortable there. Unfortunately the vicar became too ill and had to retire and the next one made so many drastic changes that over the next 12 months 45 people left. Despite the great community of friends, his decisions meant we could not stay. I now worship in a nearby village church, singing in the choir.
Things can change.