Help I’m becoming obsessed after bad event

Cariadagain, Leagues and Clubs have to be sanctioned by the Governing body at the start of each season. They are not allowed to play otherwise and will not get anyone to insure them. You would need many clubs to all break away together and it just won’t happen. The FA and other Sports Governing organisations have now had to disallow trans women from playing in women’s football following the Supreme Court ruling.

Surely the National Governing Body would soon have to reverse decisions like that if women (ie real women) wholesale abandoned the present institutions and started up their own instead (ie following normal rules etc before all this "wokeness" started)??

Good evening Avalon 🙂

Yes, sometimes there is no way to achieve justice or even to have your voice heard. This is what happened to me, when
my attempt to bring what they did not want to hear was silenced and buried.

I know I cannot do anything in regard to the “management” but can at least be a thorn in their side by still being there😬

I did not sleep well after my meeting but am hoping for a better night tonight. I hope you sleep well too🙂

Clearly most do not understand the situation with Sports Clubs. Sports Clubs have their own officials but they all have to follow the rules of their National Governing body. If they do not that governing body can be banned from taking part in their sport. Their rules are not necessary the same as law and do not adhere to free speech. A participant is charged. A disciplinary committee is called and if they decide the charge is proven they will take action suspending that person for a certain length of time. The participants can appeal but it will be to a higher echelon equally woke and they may even increase the punishment. Let me give you an example: last year you may remember a young 17year old girl footballer who was Autistic asked a trans woman player on the other team if they were a man because they had a beard. She was suspended for 6 matches for that because The FA decided it was insulting and transphobic.

With the mention of sports - I wouldnt be surprised if OP has fallen foul of men trying to take part in womens sports that there seems to be a lot of these days - all this "a man who self-identifies as a woman" stuff that's going on.

I loathe sports personally - havent got the slightest interest in taking part in or even watching it. But I do sympathise with women getting shoved aside by men in their own "womens sports" that seems to be happening noticeably often these days. It's obvious to me/to most of us that women have less physical strength than men. I could well envisage that, if I were actually interested in sport, and I had come first in a race or something - but a man grabbed my position off me by pretending to be a woman there would be "consequences". I would certainly let the whole world know he'd stolen my position if I apparently came second and he'd apparently come first in a womans sport activity. No-one would gag me from saying "I'm the rightful winner actually" and I'd be livid at my position being stolen off me.

So I don't know if that is what has happened here - ie men trying to grab womens positions....and I don't know just how much longer that stupid attitude will continue before we're back to "That's for women and that over there is for men - so stick to your lane so to say" in these contexts.

I'm afraid - if that's what is happening here - that I see it as being a few years yet before that sort of thing gets put right. I'm so glad I'm not interested in sport - as I know I'd be livid and withdraw until things got back to normal and then men would be competing only against other men (whichever sex they personally wanted to say they were).

eazybee

It is no good complaining about unfair treatment and doing nothing; you have a responsibility to others as well as yourself. If you do not challenge these things they will happen again.

Ask for the Constitution and the procedure that was followed to lead to your suspension.
Any warning given ?
Any discussion to hear your point of view?
If not, why not?
Assemble your evidence and, request a hearing, and take another adult with you, who takes notes.

There may well be a cluase somewhere which is a catch all. There is in what I know.

If I am merely projecting, and am wide of the mark, please excuse me.

Woke has become like a "morality" of it's own.
Only wokeness, in reality, is no such thing.

25Avalon

Cariad I don’t want to be identified as that could get me into more trouble but you have pretty well summed it up. The governing body don’t have to follow the laws of the land just their own rules where the woke rule. I’ve searched and others have been treated similarly to myself for nothing really. My club are not the bad guys here and they do deserve my help. Everything else you say resonates. Just got to get through this best I can. Maybe I should treat it like a panic attack - it will pass and I will still be alive.

So sorry to hear about your bad experiences. I guess it’s life and these thing’s happened but not nice at the time.

I fidn this a strange post.

Why dont they have to follow the rules of the land?

I know a couple of ones that dont, but they are religious ones. And have to follow some.

Never heard it said about a sports club before.

eazybee

It is no good complaining about unfair treatment and doing nothing; you have a responsibility to others as well as yourself. If you do not challenge these things they will happen again.

Ask for the Constitution and the procedure that was followed to lead to your suspension.
Any warning given ?
Any discussion to hear your point of view?
If not, why not?
Assemble your evidence and, request a hearing, and take another adult with you, who takes notes.

Good thinking Macduff...

It is no good complaining about unfair treatment and doing nothing; you have a responsibility to others as well as yourself. If you do not challenge these things they will happen again.

Ask for the Constitution and the procedure that was followed to lead to your suspension.
Any warning given ?
Any discussion to hear your point of view?
If not, why not?
Assemble your evidence and, request a hearing, and take another adult with you, who takes notes.

Whiff

Avalon why are those people you have told written or emailed the governing body complaining about your treatment. If you where my friend it's what I would do. And it's what I have done if I know a friend or even just someone who has told me what has happened. I have fought on their behalf. Or are they afraid?

Surely they can't just ban you for 6 weeks normally there is a written warning threatening to ban you . Before actually doing it . That way you have chance to fight the banning . Governing bodies have set of guidelines they have to follow. Can you get a copy and read it .

I've had similar - in one of the two voluntary work things I've done since moving to Wales. There WAS no rule saying "Be careful about what you talk about with anyone else - in case someone is in the next room steaming under the collar about the perfectly normal/perfectly legal/perfectly everything in fact thing you said in a conversation they were not in and that was none of his business". Reason being in case the troublemaker emerges from elsewhere and creates mayhem about the perfectly normal/okay/FACTUAL thing you said and put in an official complaint!!!!!!!!!!! - just because their personal opinion is that they personally don't like it and do feel entitled to eavesdrop and then stir trouble.

Yep....I got an official verbal rocket about "the conversation that troublemaker was NOT in - saying a factual (not opinion) comment". The clue to what it was is this is Wales and all the previous voluntary work I had done was in England...where I had had no trouble whatsoever ....

So - I didn't know it (obviously) but it had been decided in one or two personal little minds that I'd had "a strike for bad behaviour" (for my perfectly normal nothing wrong with it behaviour - ie making a provably factual comment) and when Lockdown came along - because of this pre-emptive strike for having done nothing wrong (other than having a troublemaker take offence for a conversation he should not have been eavesdropping on in the first place and no personal opinions had been given) then I got thrown straight out - in case I broke Lockdown rules and so they launched a pre-emptive strike on me and "unfairly dismissed" me in advance.

So - be aware that - though you've done nothing wrong (at least by the standards of Normal Times) someone somewhere might decide that you are "in probation" so to say after that time period is up and not even bother to tell you that's how they're thinking and turn round with an "......and that's another thing - shut the door behind you as you leave" and "unfairly dismiss" you permanently from the group action.
Sometimes there are people who will make decisions for "political" reasons - rather than "justified/accurate" reasons and they can't quote "Well you broke rule no xyz, paragraph a on page dot" - precisely because it was a "political" decision, rather than a "justified - and here's the evidence to prove it" decision.

It ain't fair....it ain't on....and people like that aren't looking for a rule you've broken/something you've visibly done wrong. They are looking at the "current political climate and protecting their own personal little backsides" and they might come heading "out of left field" with "some other offence you've apparently committed - even though you havent" and open the exit door so to say.

So be prepared for the fact that the end of this "time out period" may not be the end of it in the mind of some little troublemaker making decisions based on "political" reasons - rather than "logical/objective/give us the evidence for that" type reasons.

I've seen "political" decisions taken on other people - rather than "logical/objective" decisions. A friend of mine in a totally different location got chucked out of her long-term voluntary job for no reason - except that someone else had decided it suited them to grab her position for themselves...as part of a "ladder to climb" for themselves personally.

So - message being = watch your back - even when you're back.

What has happened is horrible and you have my every sympathy.
It's not surprising that the scenario replays in your head .
It's not rare ,believe me.
We think that we are doing something wonderful and someone comes along and bursts our bubble.
A similar thing happened to my mother over her charity work .
She was absolutely devastated over it .
Within days the charity were on the phone asking her to return .
She found another charity .
I suggest to you that you find another club which is worthy of your hard work .
At Easter I was unable to do my usual volunteering at church due to a wedding .
This seems to have set off a lot of gossip,resentment and speculation.
If I could find another church near my house - I'd attend it.

Avalon why are those people you have told written or emailed the governing body complaining about your treatment. If you where my friend it's what I would do. And it's what I have done if I know a friend or even just someone who has told me what has happened. I have fought on their behalf. Or are they afraid?

Surely they can't just ban you for 6 weeks normally there is a written warning threatening to ban you . Before actually doing it . That way you have chance to fight the banning . Governing bodies have set of guidelines they have to follow. Can you get a copy and read it .

This club should still have a constitution. Write and request one, and answers to your queries about who took the decision to suspend you and why, and do not be fobbed off.
You should also visit your doctor, tell him how you are feeling, sleepless nights, distress etc. He may or may not prescribe something, but he will record your concerns, and you may need evidence in future, for example when you return, and they say you over-reacted, it was just a storm in a teacup.
Do something productive with your anger and don't give up.

Meanwhile - back at the ranch so to say - and I'm guessing it's only about 3 weeks left of this. Could be time to catch up on other things that have got "put to one side" - whether personal projects or house projects and be all "set and in order" once the ban is over. That way you will have at least used the time constructively.

If we were not affiliated we would not be allowed to participate in any organised sport, and we’d have no insurance. They have you by the short and curlies.

Does the Club have to be affiliated to the Governing Body? Would it be possible for the Club to run just as a Club of like-minded people who do/enjoy whatever it is you do?
You said in one of your posts that the GB “really don’t care if the Club folds. Their rules”.
How/why would the Club/members suffer if you were not affiliated?

It's cleansing, 25Avalon, as long as it's not sent.

"I think you are a 🤬!"

(The Chair, not you 😀)

Allira

You could write a letter to the governing body telling them how you feel and exactly what you think of them. Don't hold back!
It might make you fed better.

But don't post it!!

Then you can shred it when you are reinstated.

I like it Allira. I actually have email and mobile number for chair of disciplinary Committee so must be careful not to be tempted to actually send or I will be banned for ever!

Flutterby345

Are.you in.a position to go and stay somewhere at least a couple of hundred miles away for a few days? The distance somehow lends perspective.

Good idea.

Is what happened this time, likely to keep happening?

You are experiencing the sensation of a loss of control, in the same way we do when someone important to us passes away. Unfortunately some decisions are out of our hands even if they are not the best decisions. To help you to cope, you will need to practice acceptance. I am not religious but when things are difficult and when terrible things happen, I try to follow the teachings of Taoism which teaches us to accept things we are unable to control like the bumps in the road of life, problems, other people’s thoughts, their words and actions, ageing, trials and tribulations etc. I hope this idea helps you 💐

Are.you in.a position to go and stay somewhere at least a couple of hundred miles away for a few days? The distance somehow lends perspective.

You could write a letter to the governing body telling them how you feel and exactly what you think of them. Don't hold back!
It might make you fed better.

But don't post it!!

Then you can shred it when you are reinstated.

Are you sure you don't just want to "stick two fingers up to them" and leave them to wallow in their own mire? It could be that they are not up to the job of keeping it running - in which case "On their head be it".

I'm a bit puzzled by the way you refer to the club as "yours" - though maybe it's a similar situation to a commercial firm - eg one of the founders of Ben and Jerry's icecream brand has had to stick two fingers up to what was his own firm (ie it got taken over by a big company) - as he has devised an icecream commemmorating Palestine and they refuse it to allow it to be produced (because it refers to Palestine)!!!!! So he's going to do so himself - under his own sorta sub-company he set up subsequently.

It is galling to have one's own "invention/project" whatever not being acknowledged as one's own initiative/wouldnt be there without you and no-one even says "thank you" (yep....been there....done that) - but these things do happen sometimes. There's a worldwide scheme that could be/probably is mine - but there's no way to get acknowledgment/thanks for it and that's the way things go sometimes.

It's a sorta compliment/sorta insult type situation - and cynical thought does cross mind as to whether there would be acknowledgment if it was a man behind it...rather than a woman....

Easybee sadly it doesn’t work like that. They make the rules. A court of law says what I wrote was fine. They disagree but can’t explain why. Told me they weren’t interested if it was true or not. A guy got suspended elsewhere for posting a photo of him on holiday in the States holding a gun - Maybe not the best of ideas but 3 weeks out?

That’s how it is. All of us Clubs suffer it and all are run by volunteers not paid unelected bureaucrats. I will rise again despite them. They will not beat me. Just got to get there.