Help I’m becoming obsessed after bad event

Injustice always rankles - for and years, sometimes for generations.

Especially when you are silenced and are not allowed to speak the truth. I am on my wayto a meeting this morning where I will have to be in the company of a man that oversaw a great wrong and silenced me when I tried to speak about it. So your post really resonated with me

You are still in the throes of this and maybe there are still decisions to be made and things that can happen, so I think it’s natural that it is very much on your mind.

It may help to write it all down and then allocate a time each day when you are allowed to read what you have written and think about it, perhaps even share it with trusted friends. And then at other times consciously turn your mind to other things when it resurfaces.

And after this meeting which will stir it up for me, I will do my best to take my own advice🙂

Have you considered how you may feel when this 6 week ban is over and you're reinstated Avalon?

This article written by you has resulted in what must be a humiliating and rather public ban from the organisation, and yet you're instructing your temporary replacement. You're also saying that if you don't quietly accept what appears to me to be a gross injustice, that will make things bad for (your) club.

In your situation I would find another club.
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Not

Whilst I completely emphasise, I too would be looking for another club.

I can only suggest something like meditation to try and reduce the “obsession” . If it starts to be “all consuming” then something like CBT might help

I think the journalling suggestion is a good one- and one I use now because I find it effective.

I also include lists of things I am grateful for in my life- which are many.

However, sometimes it is a good idea to move on from toxic environments and find calmer places to be...

Smileless it is not my club’s fault. It is the governing body who have taken exception. Had I hit someone and called them an effing whathave you, I would have got less. Only a few people know. Those that do think it’s ridiculous and have even given me the wink to help my temporary replacement which is just on the mechanics not on policy. So I am being punished but all I feel a sense of the futility of it and ultimately resentment. When I’m back holding the reins I will certainly be very careful so silenced by the woke. Now I know why people in work kow tow to all sorts of things these days.

But that’s just background really. I need to control this obsession before it controls me. Lathyrus is very helpful and I am writing in a journal but not every night. I did last night and ended up obsessing all night.

Good luck today Lathyrus.

I think the thing for you to do is think long and hard whether you actually want to return to the club after the six weeks is up, or find another one.

You certainly shouldn't be expected to support the person who is doing your role while you're banned, you're either banned or not surely 🙄

I can tell you're doing your best to limit the damage to the club during your absence, but is it what's best for you?
A clean break for a while might help you decide what you want to do in the future.

For your own well-being I would advise you to step back. Obviously this has really stung, I can imagine how upset you must be, but stressing like this will take its toll on you and life really is too short.
Find something you really enjoy ti do and find calming until this whole process is over.
All the best

V3ra you misunderstand. I can’t wait to get back in the saddle. My committee is solidly behind me. I obsess about what I am going to do when I get back. How I am going to write to those who have removed me telling them I have served my time and now I can go back on. How I will never admit how much It has stressed me and how I stand by truth - carefully worded of course.

Babs03 I so agree with everything you say. I know you are right. It doesn’t help I can’t step back completely. I still get texts and emails which I cannot reply to but forward to my temporary replacement who happens to live in the same house. Like Alice in Wonderland or was it Through the Looking Glass, Who gave herself very good advice but seldom took it.

25Avalon sorry for my misunderstanding.
If your committee are supporting you and you want to return then that's good, as long as the end result will be to your benefit.
Voluntary roles really shouldn't be this complicated should they!

Wel, well, Avalon. Here I am at the meeting. There was no badge for me on arrival, “You didn’t say you were coming”(I did and then confirmed) and “the man” had already gathered his end of the table about him, full of bonhomie.

I have presented full of confidence and smiles to the others there and now look very busy, dealing with an important matter.

Just thought you might be interested 😬

Go for it Lathyrus.

Are you able to give the general nature of what happened? I'm imagining it's something that wouldn't have happened in the 1970s/1980s for instance - and someone is being very overly "politically correct" and obsessing about "hurty words"?

I should think quite a few of have had something similar somewhere along the line - I know I've had my own thing (ie sacked from two voluntary positions since moving here to Wales). I had loads of voluntary positions back in England - and no problem at all. So I know it's not my fault.

I guess that's all you can do - assuming that's the case - ie know in your own head that it's not your fault - it's just the "politically correct" era we live in sometimes.

Journalling....telling a trusted friend etc all have their uses.

Distance fades the hurt. So, as time passes, it softens/you come to see how ridiculous they were being (assuming it's one of those "politically correct" things that has happened). Time and distance sometimes provide a way to prove the phrase "Revenge is a dish best served cold". At the least one can talk dispassionately about what happened and compare notes with others who've had similar things happen to them and you do get the confidence to "tell it like it is" about what happened publicly.

Maybe it could be an idea to mentally stand back a bit and say to yourself "Do they actually deserve the work I've been putting in on their behalf? Do they deserve me helping them out again in the future? Could I find another organisation or something that does deserve my help?"

I know this isn't what others do but if the governing body is not behaving I think it's a bigger matter than just your club to be honest.

Is there a complaints procedure?
Is it a sport?
I'm afraid I'd probably take it further.

...I do know that's not what you want to hear but I feel strongly about injustice.

I would definitely collect "good things" in my head all day though - things that are positive
Reflections in water, raindrops on a window pane, a good cup of tea, a hug from a friend, clean sheets, the smell of toast...
Small gratitude always improve how I feel about life. The more you look the more you find.

Cariad I don’t want to be identified as that could get me into more trouble but you have pretty well summed it up. The governing body don’t have to follow the laws of the land just their own rules where the woke rule. I’ve searched and others have been treated similarly to myself for nothing really. My club are not the bad guys here and they do deserve my help. Everything else you say resonates. Just got to get through this best I can. Maybe I should treat it like a panic attack - it will pass and I will still be alive.

So sorry to hear about your bad experiences. I guess it’s life and these thing’s happened but not nice at the time.

NotSpaghetti I could have appealed but just to a higher woke section with the risk of “punishment” being increased and by the time it got there I would have served the 6 weeks anyway. It’s very frustrating and you have to police yourself not to do anything that could be found out apart from the things you can no longer access due to removal.

And then these organisations complain about the lack of volunteers nowadays?
People on the ground can only do their best. Sometimes that's no longer good enough 😐

Well done Lathyrus, that takes real courage. Let us know how it goes; good luck .

I guess one has to see the lighter side sometimes.

The "political correctness" thing of - was it the 16th century? - was "What are you? Catholic or Protestant churchgoer?" Thinks - take a quick check at what the monarch of the day is and think "I'm whatever they are" and lie and say that. Otherwise you might be in for severe punishment of the beheading or something variety. Sighs - but I suppose things have moved on marginally since then.

Another "lesson from history" - being any nasty little person (probably female) who disliked a lone other woman could shriek "Witch....witch...she's a witch" about some perfectly innocent woman that Mrs Nasty didn't like and get the lone woman into all sorts of trouble (up to and including being murdered).

I suppose our century is a bit more civilised - it doesn't murder us just because of some harridan that doesn't like us shrieking at us......

We've just got that political correctness stuff and/or "Agh! We've just interpreted the perfectly okay thing Cariad has said as 'Agh - might affect our funding in this area - as we get a bit of it for saying all what are deemed to be the right things currently here' and they fall over themselves to hit you just-in-case (when I don't suppose the "sky would fall" for a second for saying what one has perfectly well been able to say until the last 10 years or so).

I've learnt by now that - in this area - I look over my shoulder before saying perfectly ordinary things I've said for darn nearly all my life to date and no-one thought a thing of it. Here - I check out who is within 10' of me to see whether to lower my voice in case of getting "bashed one". Full relaxation time is back where I'm from and talking to my own agegroup and then I speak exactly as I have always done ....as we're back to the convention of "Your personal opinion is your personal opinion - and you're entitled to it - of course".

I do so sympathise with you Avalon. Remember that it is the minority idea that is usually right.

The admin of the sports club was probably being defensive.

One thing that can help is a quick body reset: press your thumb and middle finger together, take a long slow breath out, then look for five blue things around you. It sounds simple, but it can calm your body and slow down the racing thoughts.

Another idea is a kind of private psychodrama — imagine the person who suspended you sitting in a chair opposite. Then say, or even shout, everything you’d like them to hear. Let it all out — anger, hurt, the lot. You don’t have to be polite; it’s for your ears only.

It can be a real release, and it helps stop the feelings from going round and round inside. 💙

Cossy

Whilst I completely emphasise, I too would be looking for another club.

I can only suggest something like meditation to try and reduce the “obsession” . If it starts to be “all consuming” then something like CBT might help

I agree

I certainly wouldn’t be doing any more work for the club after something like that either.

I am the club. It is not the club. It is the woke governing body. I will be running the club again in a few weeks time. I just need to cope until then.