Paying family to clean

Usually if they can't reschedule for some reason then my daughter does 2 weeks on the trot ( as she does the cleaning fortnightly)
This time because of reasons I can't go into this wasn't possible.
Over the years it's very apparent that my parents were extremely careful with money even though they didn't need to be. I have sooooooo many examples
I am so unlike her. If my children need a helping hand if we've got it they can have it.
I have so much going on in my life at the moment that is c* this has just really really hurt me.
You can't take money with you so if you can help family out why wouldn't you ?

Yes

I pay my cleaner (not a relation) if she is ill or on holiday, so of course I would do the same if she were a granddaughter. If I felt exploited I wouldn't do it, but I don't - the cleaner is rarely ill and has a couple of holidays a year, plus Christmas and Easter, so it's usually 4 weeks (depending on how Christmas falls - sometimes there are 2 weeks off then) plus an occasional illness. If she needs to cancel because of an appointment or similar we reschedule the clean. If I am away or don't want her for some reason, I pay her then, too. She is a one-woman outfit, and needs to rely on a regular income.

It's no more than any employee would get. I tend to look on it more as weeks I do my own cleaning (if I do it) than as losing money. The fact that the house is kept going with a weekly clean (stairs vacuumed etc) means that skipping a week doesn't mean it necessarily needs more than a quick going over.

In your shoes, I would have a word with my mother, but much depends on the relationship you have with yours - it may be better to keep out of it.

I am very much in the minority here. It wouldn't even cross my mind to pay someone for the day they couldn't come to do a job of that frequency, family or not.

That said, as a one-off, I might give my grandchild a similar amount and call it a gift, rather than payment for a job that hasn't been done.

Why couldn't she reschedule this time?

My DD3 has a cleaner every week she is very happy to pay even when they are on holiday!

Good cleaners are hard to find and can easily be lured away to better paying jobs.

So as a Grandmother she should pay to support her own family.

I would but I would make it conditional that she did an extra hour the following week to make up for it. That may sound a bit harsh. I would quite happily give my GD anything as a gift, but if we make an arrangement I expect her to keep it, no matter how much we love each other.

When she goes out to work I want her to understand that she gets paid for what she does, not for what she says she's going to do.

Yes.

And unless the rich are mean and unkind of course they'd pay.

I wouldn’t pay family to clean. I’d hire a cleaner.
Such arrangements, most often, end in tears

Yep....I've not got grandchildren....but, if it was indeed a very valid reason (eg too ill to go perhaps? or important exam to sit?) then I'd go with the "holiday pay" idea and pay anyway.

Imo she's being very mean - given that she herself admits she's got more money than she knows what to do with.

Though I'm someone who tends to err on the side of generous paying anyway (assuming a reasonable job done) and, if I think someone is charging too little (a very rare occurrence as it is!!) then I will pay them what I think is fair - and make the money up.

Partly there's method in my madness - ie I want them putting me first for coming back again when I need them.

Yes absolutely

Exhausted01

She has been cleaning for my Mum for about 4 years now and it has worked well. My Mum insisted that she pays her and my daughter has never let her down. Like I say it's a very informal arrangement she has a set day she goes but if for some reason it doesn't suit one of them then they just reschedule and it gets done another time.
My daughter had a very valid reason for not going this time so i'm just disappointed that my mum didn't pay her anyway.
She knows the reason behind her not going this time . I just wish she was a bit more thoughtful. X

This sheds a little more light. I hope it is one-off but maybe there are other cleaning jobs available if it causes problems in the family.

I would just wait and see...

My parents paid me to clean their bungalow when our children were young and I wasn’t working out of the home . Mum’s mobility and motor strength was compromised, Dad was working. I didn't expect to be paid if I wasn’t there, Mum never offered, if she had I’d have refused. We were both content. Different times maybe.

She has been cleaning for my Mum for about 4 years now and it has worked well. My Mum insisted that she pays her and my daughter has never let her down. Like I say it's a very informal arrangement she has a set day she goes but if for some reason it doesn't suit one of them then they just reschedule and it gets done another time.
My daughter had a very valid reason for not going this time so i'm just disappointed that my mum didn't pay her anyway.
She knows the reason behind her not going this time . I just wish she was a bit more thoughtful. X

Yes. But if it becomes a regular habit, maybe a conversation with her, to see if she has taken on more than she can cope with.

My garden helper bills me monthly for the hours she does. She doesn't include days she's not come so I don't pay.

Her parents are friends of mine. I think I pay quite a lot for the service I get as she's slow. However she is thorough and trustworthy and reliable. She has a qualification in horticulture so does know what to do.

I host volunteers who do big garden tasks which I wouldn't expect my girl to tackle.

Absolutely yes

Employing family isn’t easy, as long as they are making a reasonable effort to do the work, that’s fine.
Otherwise best they stop and find the cash elsewhere.

Oh dear, I’m not surprised you’re hurt. It’s really difficult to change that mindset now but maybe you could talk to her about your daughter having a small number of paid ‘holidays’ off before it happens again. Particularly, as another poster pointed out, she will have more work to do next time. If DM disagrees it might give her something to think about that your daughter would want to look elsewhere for a job, with paid days off, if/as soon as she’s old enough.

It's always awkward when you have a financial arrangement with a family member.
As long as the excuse is genuine - then yes of course .

As a grandma I would and do, knowing my DGC will reschedule if they can’t do it e.g. the ground’s too wet to mow or they have sports commitments.
As a Mum I didn’t.
The pay was for the work and unless the reason came with a reschedule, then it meant I was doing the job and paying for someone doing it.
Having read all the yes above, maybe I should have done, but my DC were happy with the arrangement.

My arrangement with my cleaner is I pay her for the weeks she does. I can say I don’t need her one week and likewise at very short notice she can say she can’t come. It seems to work.
I am not at all surprised that your mum only wants to pay for the service she has had, the big problem is that it is family and I wonder if your mum half thinks she should help her for nothing

justwokeup

Maybe she just didn’t think about it. I can be thoughtless and then I’m mortified when the penny finally drops.
Is your Mum the sort of person you could talk to about it? After all, most employees are entitled to holiday pay. And DM might be pleased you raised it if she just hadn’t thought about it, she’s not a mind reader after all.

100% she would have thought about it. Shes just VERY careful with money ( tight would cover it well )
Its something they started when my Dad was quite poorly and my Mum needed help.
It suited my Mum as she didn't have to have a stranger come in and she liked the fact it helped my daughter out too.
My daughter has always been emrrluable. Rescheduled if something came up and she couldn't go etc
Just hurts me that my Mum thinks like this as i'm nothing like that at all.

Yes.

Maybe she just didn’t think about it. I can be thoughtless and then I’m mortified when the penny finally drops.
Is your Mum the sort of person you could talk to about it? After all, most employees are entitled to holiday pay. And DM might be pleased you raised it if she just hadn’t thought about it, she’s not a mind reader after all.