Paying family to clean

Yes if it was for a valid reason then I'd pay her. If I thought she was shirking and taking me for granted then no.

LaTroisette

I'd still pay. I paid my dog walker during lockdown. I was working from home and still earning, so I didn't see why as a self-employed person that she shouldn't be without an income too.

I fed my dog walker too as I was working from home and still earning.

Yes.

No I would t pay if the work wasn’t done

Nannan2

Exhausted- maybe your mum thought your daughter will just be rebooking for another day then,as usual, and will pay her then when its done?

That's not how I read it.

I read it as "My daughter has a fixed day each week she goes there. She can't do that day - mother has had to accept that. She can't do any other day that week either".

Maybe illness is the problem - but something that means it can't be rescheduled during the few days either side.

Got the distinct impression that grandmother will make excuses to suit herself for not paying until the cows come home. Lots of people tell themselves what they want to hear - even when it ain't so - and my suspicion is Gran is one of them.

hear, hear.

Exhausted- maybe your mum thought your daughter will just be rebooking for another day then,as usual, and will pay her then when its done?

That’s so kind La Troisette

I'd still pay. I paid my dog walker during lockdown. I was working from home and still earning, so I didn't see why as a self-employed person that she shouldn't be without an income too.

Yes I clean for my daughter - she pays me and sometimes if I can’t make it she still pays me - she knows I need it t. She also knows I will make up for it one way or another - that’s what families do ❤️

Absolutely no, but I might give her the money as a present but making clear it is not for the cleaning she could not do.
I too have the arrangement with my cleaner who has loads of clients that I only pay for what she does and she is free to say she cannot manage one week although she rarely does. Most cleaners are self-employed and do not accrue holiday pay.

My DD paid her cleaner throughout the covid lockdowns. Your DM is being mean

Yes. She is paid for her time, and that includes for her to keep that time free for cleaning for her client.

No. Pay for a job NOT done? No.

No. I wouldn't pay anyone for not doing a job I was paying them for.

No I wouldn't. She has to learn if you don't work you don't get paid.

Yes as she's your family and you say it's a good reason

My daughter in law does cleaning for me fortnightly. I pay her if she doesn't come as I would know if she had a reason..holidays, appointment or poorly.

In that case, I think you should try to detach from it as much as you can. Your mother is not going to change now, and in her head she will be right, and there's nothing to be gained by falling out with her. If she is treating everyone alike, it's better than if one grandchild is being singled out.

It's horrible when we see our children hurt, so you have my sympathy though.

I have a sister who she treats exactly the same.
And my sister doesn't agree with the way she is financially either x

Exhausted - I don't blame you for being upset - even though I'm not a "child person" myself. Think I recall you said your daughter has been doing the cleaning for some time (4 years if my memory is correct?) - so it's obvious she's basically being a reliable person then.

She's really rubbing it in too if she's making the comment about how much money she's got on most weeks. Rather tactless imo.

I guess you've put up enough of a mental protective barrier by now to protect yourself from her comments - as you've been brought up by her and I expect she was rather mean with you and you handled that - but seeing it going on down to your daughter really rubs it in rather.

Thinking ahead to the future - and I guess you've figured out not to have any expectations much ever for any of the family from her direction. It would be as well to be prepared for her treating you and your own family this way throughout - so you know not to rely on anything ever from her direction for any of you.

Do you have any brothers/sisters and, on from there, does your daughter have cousins? Is it just you (and your daughter) that she treats this way and she's more normal to any other offspring she has?

But it's their money and their choice Exhausted and TBH I wouldn't have expected my mum to pay our sons if they hadn't done what had been agreed upon.

I'm not surprised to be honest it's exactly what I now expect.
It hurts because I know other parents / Grandparents are nothing like that.
I have lived my whole adult life knowing they're tight and i'm just fed up being told most weeks ' I've got so much money i don't know what to do with it ' then she can't even find £30 to pay my daughter anyway. Knowing full well that this is a one off and a very good reason for it.

Yes

Why has this upset you so much Exhausted, you say your parents are extremely careful with money so are you really surprised that as your D couldn't reschedule, your mum didn't pay her?

I think this is a case for 'least said soonest mended'. Maybe your mum was worried about setting a precedent and this not being a one off.