Grandchildren woes

Yes. Any point in contacting Social Services?

Yes I d be very concerned
The 9 year old sounds quite underweight to me I believe that any parent needs permission from the absent parent before taking children out the country even for a holiday
Can you have the girls if she would let you ?
This sounds very wrong to me I d seek advice

I would contact social services. Your daughter is not putting the children's welfare at heart.
I would be very unhappy at the thought of her travelling with her boyfriend, and home schooling.
The 9 year old is seriously underweight. I'm sorry to say this, but she sounds rather feckless.

Yes I would be very concerned too. I think you do need to tell your daughter how worried you are, even if it will mean that she will take offence. Tell her that you are concerned about your GDs weight and that both girls are unhappy with the current situation and her future plans. Be calm but positive. If she won’t listen to you and goes off in a huff then I’m afraid you will have no choice but to speak to Social Services even if it does mean a falling out with your daughter.

Sound advice here. Please act on it , contact Social services and do it tomorrow. Tel them exactly what you have told us. Your daughter is not making her girls her top priority- so please take action. Something very wrong here , I recognise how distressing this must be for you , however your Grandchildren are the most important priority. Be brave , please keep posting people on GN care and will be supportive. Needless to say ' yes I would be very concerned indeed'
Well done for contacting GN, your first post too! You are clearly very anxious about what us happening. follow your gut instinct. Good luck and keep us posted if that helps. 💐💐

Is there any way you could physically help out with the children? Even if you only had them sleep over at your house from time to time. You could adhere to the vegan food if you have to but make sure there’s plenty of it. A big plate of chips is vegan! Your daughter sounds as if she is so besotted with the boyfriend that she can’t see what she’s doing to the girls. Tread gently as you don’t want to fall out with them. Only you know how to approach your own daughter but you tea do need to say something.

Social Services really do need to be informed……either anonymously or openly. I would have concerns about the girls sleeping on mattresses in mums room when this boyfriend is staying there too.

Surely, your daughters needs the agreement of the girls’ father to be able to take them abroad to live and the 9 year old does sound to be very underweight although you don’t say anything about her height which might be relevant.

I have contacted them before, but things have escalated with my daughter leaving the children so often. I think I will.

Your daughter is living like a single woman, as your GCs only advocate it is incumbent upon you to alert social services especially with regard to your underweight GC who could possibly be malnourished.
At best your daughter is simply not thinking straight for whatever reason - does she have mental health issues or do you suspect substance abuse which does include alcohol - and at worst it is neglect.
Am so very sorry this is happening to you and your GCs 🌹
Thank goodness they have you.

I hasten to add that of course your daughter needs help too, her behaviour does not seem right to me.

Good grief, from what you’ve said it sounds like your daughter has forgotten she’s a Mum and it borders on neglect. Both girls are old enough to choose what they eat, they should sleep in proper beds in their own room and have some say about their own futures or at least be properly included in planning.

This is child abuse.

That is severely underweight.
Do the children go to state schools.
If you have an i put there with fetching them could you gave a word with the safeguarding lead.
Or report directly to social services.
I wouldn't say anything to her at this juncture or she may flee taking the children with her.
They are the absolute priority here.
You need to act. Now.

I wouldn't contact social services. If the children are in school then this would be my starting point, although some schools won't talk to grandparents.
Also can you contact the father at all?
Contacting social services can be a minefield and may well backfire on you- just speaking from experience.
If you do ring remain anonymous.

GD is 4ft 2”.
I have contacted the Family Worker at the school. I try and help as much as I can, and regularly have them at weekends. The father unfortunately had a court order preventing him from seeing the children and even though he’s now in a settled relationship, he’s never wanted to go through the courts to see them.

I have now contacted the school family worker.

You've done the right thing Forgetmeknot. Please let us know how things progress .

Absolutely agree that you have done the right thing, Forgetmeknot. School liaison officers will be an excellent resource for your GC and yourself.
I hope that things start to resolve themselves soon.

Yes, glad you went through the school.

It is sad about their dad too, but with a Gran like you they'll be ok.

Well done.

Keep posting Forgetmeknot, you are doing the best for your gcs. I have worries about two of my own. The children have to be a priority if parents' parenting is not up to the mark.

Ditto You MUST contact Social Services.

This might be naive of me, but do your daughters have to sleep on a mattress in your room because her boyfriend is temporarily occupying their room? Otherwise, why are they sleeping on a mattress on the floor at all?

If it was me, I’d try to talk to her. Your gd is a little underweight unless she is very small framed. But actually your daughter is entitled to feed them a healthy diet even if it doesn’t make sense to anyone else….as long as the children are healthy. Equally, homeschooling, travelling, etc…may not be our way of doing things but it seemingly is hers and unless she neglects them, there’s not much anyone can do. It may be a good move to contact the school but their safeguarding team may also be powerless. I understand how distressing this must be for you. Our adult children sometimes don’t live lives that we feel are right, and it’s even worse when our cherished grandchildren are involved. I hope things improve soon.

Sadly there are a lot of feckless parents around these days. For the sake of the children you should contact social services and take them away from such selfish parents.

Please take action before your daughter removes the children from the UK.