Unexpected gifts.

Perhaps the gift you received cost the giver nothing. It could have been an unwanted gift, so don't feel guilty.

'What is wrong is that so many people cannot afford to give, and lots of the ones who can overdo it and make they ones who can't feel really bad not thankful.'

So true! Apart from family I only give a gift to one old friend with whom I've always exchanged gifts. I limit what I spend as I am struggling financially and suspect she may be even worse off than me so don't want to embarass her. When working I did secret santa but the whole team did cards and there were over twenty of us so that was time consuming!

Many of my friends are trying to de-clutter and most of us don't want or need more 'stuff'. My family prefer 'experiences'. Being taken out for a nice meal with my family when I go to stay is much better than something I don't need. My son told me not to get to get presents for the grandchildren as they have too much already. In the end I bought a small Lego kit for my grandson plus some clothing and all clothing for my granddaughter. As long as they have something to unwrap they seem happy enough! The most excited I saw my grandson was when he unwrapped a set of felt antlers along with a flashing red nose which I got from 'The Works' for the princely sum of £2! I bought a set for my granddaughter too but she was less impressed - I thought if I just bought for the older brother they might fight over it, but at £2 each it doesn't matter if she doesn't love it. When the battery runs out in his flashing nose he can steal his sister's! He spent much of the morning's church service galloping round the church with nose flashing! Fortunately the congregation are pretty tolerant of exuberant children!

I am one of those people who love giving....not extravagant stuff but the sort of thing that's home made or something I saw that made me think the person would enjoy it. On the other hand I really don't expect anything in return for those adhoc gifts. It's just a gesture. I have no idea if people feel beholden but that's not my problem. I absolutely dont see gifts as transactional (apart from DH! Of course).

Every Christmas we take a big box filled with biscuit packs to our local fire station for the staff to enjoy. We’ve been doing it for around 7 years now and makes us feel happy knowing that the ones who work hard for our community benefit instead of some overpaid charity CEO! Friends have now started doing this for their local fire station too.

My daughter’s mother-in-law has given me gifts, plural, costing far more than necessary, every Christmas. Quite unnecessary. This year as we exchanged gifts, she said she wouldn’t be doing it any more. I Congratulated her on her wise decision. I wonder if she will stick to it?

The best gift I received this year was unreciprocated and from my next doo4 neighbour. I felt no requirement to return the compliment by rushing to get something in return.
I felt it was a generous act of kindness.

I too don’t reciprocate. I give cards and presents to close family and friends, otherwise, I feel it’s meaningless.

tbh I never feel the need to return gifts or Christmas cards. A friend with whom I exchange Christmas cards this year left me a present with a kind message. I was totally surprised and very intrigued but when I opened the present on Christmas day I understood exactly why she'd given me what she did. Her present made me chuckle and I was touched that she had remembered a conversation that we'd had several weeks ago .

Magenta8

When I was still working, we used to do a Secret Santa at Christmas and it was agreed that we would spend no more than £5.00.

We used to draw the names at random beforehand so we knew who we were buying for in advance.

One year I received a Bodyshop selection which must have cost at least £15.00 and it made me feel bad as I had bought a keyring costing £4.99 as my contribution.

I know how you feel. I always feel guilty that I haven’t been generous enough to others compared to what they give me. It happens every year. Mind you, if I had more money I would be more generous. This year a friend gave us an ornamental candle, some marzipan sweets and liqueur chocolates, and I hadn’t thought to give her anything. It is her 80th birthday early next year so I shall have to give her something nice, but I don't know what, especially as she is vegan and doesn't drink. I did give her a box of chocolates one year but she gave them back to me as they weren't vegan.

Can you not just be glad that someone cares enough to give you a present?

Mojack26

Very strange to give someone a present you've only met a few times! I would not reciprocate,sorry

I 200% agree.

Very strange to give someone a present you've only met a few times! I would not reciprocate,sorry

RosieandherMaw

Calendargirl

The neighbour of a friend who you have only met a couple of times

I really don’t think I would have given her anything.

So do you then get a box of chocolates or biscuits for her next year, in case…..?

And so the present giving churns on…

And what is wrong with that?
Christmas *is about giving*

What is wrong is that so many people cannot afford to give, and lots of the ones who can overdo it and make they ones who can't feel really bad not thankful. Personally I have stopped all this giving and getting, it is total madness. I give to my nearest family and that is it. I make it know well in advance that I do not give presents, but like their company so they are welcome to visit. I still had 3 bosses of chocolates and a sellotape dispenser this year from friends and acquaintances. !!!

It’s a gift - not a transaction!

I love these tiny tokens...
I love giving them most - but even a poinsettia (which is pointless as far as I can see) will be kindly received!

Small gestures are just like passing on a little of your own happiness.

Fudge, jam, a few snowdrops, narcissus, olives or biscuits...

Sadgrandma I didn’t think it was showing off at all
It was Grandematte who said
I suspect it’s a form of showing off further up the thread

Not me m’lord

Calendargirl

^I do wish she wouldn’t^

If she’s been doing it for 30 odd years though, I think even I would have a box of chocs or biscuits ready to hand over, however pointless it seems.

Calendargirl

not presents exactly, but a small church group I belong to, several of us said we not doing cards, one of them still sent a card to me, signed "fondest love" and then sent a text saying "thankyou for the Christmas Card" I can only assume being sarcastic? yes, I did say a church group

BlueBelle

Why do you think it’s showing off maybe she just wants to spread good vibes
I often think I like giving every bit as much or more than receiving
Let her have her give and take with good grace

I don’t recall saying that I thought she was showing off, far from it. She is a lovely person with a good heart. I now wish I’d mentioned it on here.
Happy Christmas

My Sister in Law is a shopaholic Calendargirl. I think she buys for everyman and his dog! She was very upset a few years ago, when I suggested reining in the spending, but now with 2 unmarried sons in their 50’s, she’s taken over buying all their gifts for them and even distributes them locally.

Lathyrus3

And I’ve.

No idea who Sandy is, but she can have some fudge too……….

I do know Sandy so I can pass it on to her if you like
Although I'd better taste-test it first.

Perhaps she's made tiny Christmas cakes, some mince pies or even fudge kircubbin which she likes to share.
Otherwise it seems odd.

Why do you think it’s showing off maybe she just wants to spread good vibes
I often think I like giving every bit as much or more than receiving
Let her have her give and take with good grace

Yes she has a lovely family. I just worry that it has become such a tradition for her that is probably hard to stop now.

I quite agree that a card would be sufficient Sadgrandma.

Does she maybe have no one else to buy for, so it gives her pleasure?

If she has others to buy for, however, I too, wonder why she does it.

You misunderstand me, I do always buy her something but I often suddenly remember at the last minute. She doesn’t just buy for us but for everyone in the close whereas a card would be quite sufficient.