Is it the end of a long friendship?

I couldn't get upset by out of date chocolates. They usually last a long time anyway, even if they are labelled out of date.

If they were truly old, they would have a silvery grey coating on top.

Unless they looked very old, I would have eaten them.

Your friend is being overdramatic and insensitive.

I would give her the benefit of the doubt.
She may have felt you thought so little of her that you found some hot chocolate that had been in your cupboard for ages and gave as a gift.

It's another way of looking at it as she sounded very hurt and went on the attack.

I wonder if this friend has the beginning of dementia.
I've noticed that as dementia develops tempers become frayed ,
Irritability and impatience set in and so does paranoia.

Apologise and just it go .

When you are ready get in touch with your friend in a casual way. Never mention the chocolate again, if she mentions it don’t respond. 40 years of friendship must count for more than one present!

Esmay

I wonder if this friend has the beginning of dementia.
I've noticed that as dementia develops tempers become frayed ,
Irritability and impatience set in and so does paranoia.

Apologise and just it go .

Yes- I have come across this in a couple of people I know. It’s a consideration. It would be more normal for someone just to keep quiet in this situation or make a bit of a joke of it.

I think I would send her a new (in date) box of hot chocolate with a grovelling note saying you feel terrible and you certainly wouldn’t have sent the out of date one deliberately and you don’t want to lose your friendship over it. I would then leave her to get in touch and hope she forgets about it. If she doesn’t then I’m afraid you will have to assume your friendship has ended.

To be honest if I had received this gift I would have just thrown it away as I am very OCD about using things out of date and would never have mentioned it to my friend as would not have wanted to offend her. Just thanked her for her lovely gift. I think you have apologised it was a genuine mistake and it is out of order for her to keep going on. I would distance myself.

I bought a very dear friend a Dcuk company cyclist Dcuk for his 70 birthday last week. He and my DH go cycling weekly together and I thought he might like it. No he didn’t thank me and when I asked if he had liked it he said what do I do with it a bit pointless really!!! I was hurt as I thought it was something a bit quirky and different to give him alongside a bottle of good red wine. I will just put his comments behind me and move on but think very carefully what I buy him next year😂

nanna8
One of my oldest friends is not 60 and for the last three years has become "strange " and frankly at times - not very nice.
Two of her friends and a relative have complained about her to me.

I've worried about it .

Her family laugh about her forgetfulness.
They aren't a loving family and are always at odds with each other.
She says that her memory lapses are due to her menopause.
Texts are not finished .
Or they don't make sense .
She's late for everything.
She's lost several jobs.
The last one lasted a week.
And she's taking sick leave from her new one.
Impatient ,intolerant and irritable with me -I don't enjoy her company .
She's absolutely obsessed with a new friend and seems to be happy when she's with her.
On one occasion , crying because she was unable to spend the afternoon with her having slept over at her house.

And finally, my Christnas gift was returned as unsuitable!

She seems slightly 'paranoid'. Keep in touch with her regardless----she may improve , or revise her ideas.

I’m a fan of Options hot chocolate and have it at least once daily. So I buy the plastic jars in bargain half-dozens online, which means I’m probably nearly always drinking past the ‘best before’ date.
Never felt fitter!
Join a book/crafting/walking group OP and make some newer, less troublesome, friends.

I wonder if she thinks that you’ve re-gifted a present that you didn’t want.

Sounds to me as if she is becoming ill, is she elderly? It does sound like things my Dad would do when he was ill.

She is utterly over-reacting. If there is no underlying condition or worry that is causing her reaction (ask her), it might be over.
I'd have a heart to heart with her, be honest and, if no resolution, take a step back and see if she gets it and tries to make amends.
The trouble with doing nothig and ignoring it, is that it will still stick in your craw I think? And she might think unreasonable behaviour is ok if aimed at you.

I think she's definitely over-reacting ! However If you wanted to make it up to her I'd buy a plant and write a nice card & drop it off & leave it up to her now how she progresses. Good luck xx

M0nica

A good friend would have noticed the sell by date had passed - and not said a word to you. Just consumed it anyway or thrown it away.

That is what a good friend would do. Reach your own conclusion

I agree M0nica.
I wouldn't have said anything either.

How sad and upsetting this has happened. But it was clearly a mistake. Had you had noticed the expiry date I’m sure you would not have purchased it. Remind your friend of your long friendship and that it was an honest mistake. Also remind her of all the years when gift exchanges had gone well and that to ruin 40 years of friendship over expired hot chocolate makes it feel like it wasn’t a friendship at all. If your friend values your friendship you will hear no more about it. If not, then perhaps you value the friendship more than she does.

My friends & I all decided long ago that we would no longer bother with gifts, as we all have everything we want & it’s too much trouble buying stuff. The only thing we do is treat each other to a meal out for birthdays.
But if one of us had inadvertently sent someone something that was past its best before date, it would simply have been a cause of amusement & hilarity.
The last thing any of my friends would do would be to accuse the absent-minded gift-giver of attempted poisoning.
I’d ignore your ‘friend’ until her sense of humour returns & if it doesn’t, you’re better off without her.

You need to tell her that hot chocolate has so much sugar in in that although the taste might have been compromised a tiny bit it would of in no way poisoned her and that she is being very over the top. Either that or tell her to feck off.

Smileless2012

TBH I wouldn't want to upset a close friend I'd had for 40 years by telling her that the gift she'd bought me was out of date, when it was clearly unintentional.

Exactly this!

I’m amazed I’m still alive!.

Silly overreacting friend. Tell her to move on and to stop talking about it and buy her a bar of chocolate. Just be sure that you check the date this time.

I would just say once again that it was a genuine mistake, and then ask her to please stop bringing the subject up as it is upsetting you

Wow that’s a bit of an over kill. As a good friend she should have known you would have never done that deliberately. If one of my good friends had done that the last thing I would do is tell them they were out of date.

Definitely an overreaction on her behalf. Perhaps you can give her the same exact gift but one that is in date or a replacement of something else. Let her know that it was the store's fault for selling outdated items and you had no idea that it was out of date. If that doesn't work, she may just want to be angry, and unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about that. Good luck

I am famous or rather notorious in my family for eating out of date foods and raw milk to their horror..and as I always say, and yet here I am at 78 never had an upset tummy or squits…or coughs and colds come to that…

It can be hard to understand why someone else reacts strongly to something we ourselves would not give a second thought to. The human mind is mysterious! From my perspective, this is not worth losing a good friend for. You and she might both feel the loss if you break off your friendship. You have apologised - maybe do one of the things suggested in this thread to show the sincerity of your apology, and let it go. I hope it can soon be water under the bridge. Living by being ready to understand seems to me to be happier than judging - none of us is perfect......