I'm not a hotel

We have one couple, long standing friends, come to stay. They are no problem, make no demands and generally fit in. We go to their home too. It’s worked wonderfully for many years, however their last stay left me exhausted. If they want to come again, and I suspect they will, I’ll reduce the stay by a night and see how that goes. If it gets too much I’ll simply tell them, they’ll be disappointed but not argue or be offended. In fact they will probably laugh as they are older than me and have far more energy.

Another couple have been told quite directly hosting them would be too much. Instead we meet between our homes for a day. We’ve also stopped going to their home, it would feel unfair to do so. Other people pass through for a meal or a motorway break. We manage those by honestly, if it’s convenient we say of course, if inconvenient we say so.

Family come at the most three at a time for the odd night. That’s entirely different. They very much find us as we are and muck in with whatever needs doing while not expecting to be entertained.

There are many suggestions here exdancer, gentle honesty feels a sensible way forward.

Had exactly the same problem twice now once when lived abroad and once when in a lovely part of this country. Tried saying we would be away ourselves but some people said they were flexible and when could we accommodate them so that didn't work. Relatives we hadn't heard from in a very long time crawled out of the woodwork to visit when we were abroad. never heard from most of these people when we lived in a less 'desirable' place. In the end said to one lot of rellies that we'd had a full house most weekends the previous year and just needed time to ourselves instead of running a hotel - haven't heard from them since!

OMG I’ve invited myself to my Sister’s house. Very convenient for trains to London. Should I cancel?
She and her DH spent last night with us so I won’t.😂
I will take my duvet and pillows (so she only has to wash a sheet) wine and cheese. Plus last but not least - my scintillating conversation.
Maybe it’s OK to use each other if it’s reciprocated?

Just tell them you can’t put them up but will meet them for a meal or at a place of interest one afternoon etc If you need an excuse (and you shouldn’t) then:
1. Sorry, not up to hosting anymore
2. I’ve other plans that week - but could spare a few hours to meet up
3. We are doing away with our spare rooms and are decorating - just awaiting confirmation of dates

Etc etc

It's your home so just say NO

Mostly I visit people very often via Travelodge accomadation . We can do what we want and they don’t have to worry about bed changes , food etc. we usually stay at our boys and vice versa . My sister started to try to get off at Stansted airport after a cheap flight and get on a bus to where we live landing at ridiculous o clock am to save taxi fares then go back on the bus and returning home after a few hrs or days via very cheap train return to Cambridge. Then bus pass . Can’t stand it ! Grr 😠

My adult children and grandchildren visit very frequently but they always help out. Daughter and son do vacuuming, cook, load dishwasher, waterjet the patio, buy some shopping, etc, so they are a great help. My nephew who is more like a son to me visits and stays occasionally, as do other family members, but it's only once a year usually. I'm happy with that atm.

Agree with Charlie girl, I am in a similar position living in southern Ireland.
I just had to say I can't manage to put you up again but would love to see you if you visit this part of Ireland

My brother had a similar problem, but if anyone suggests visiting, he says quite simply, " we dont put visitors up, these days, it is enough managing to look after ourselves, but of course if you are in the area we would like to meet you for coffee somewhere (or quote a cafe you have used previously) It is said in a simple way and yet it works , because it is the truth. Those of a similar age will recognise the situation and may be glad to do the same themselves. Those that dont have no empathy and are being very cheeky. If someone writes to you saying they plan to come down send them a couple of addresses of camping or b/b and again say you hope to meet for coffee if you are free. Dont offer anything else and it will be much easier because you will only have to do it once, and dont need to make up any excuses. If you are in company and you fear that someone is about to plan to land on you, bring the conversation round to saying your friends up the road are in the same boat as you now and dont have anyone staying but that they do enjoy meeting up at a cafe or whatever sometimes. It is not at all unreasonable. I can understand with families, in a way. I have always been very independant and drive around etc , but my son suggested us meeting at somewhere we used to do quite a lot, and I had to remind him that we were going there 20 years ago and now at aged 80 it was a bit far , and he did say that , to him, I dont change much and he forgets how old I am. So being charitable some of your visitors may not think about that , but you will soon find out the ones who care, who stay somewhere and meet up and the ones who were just on the scrounge may fade away but you wont miss them.

JulieAT

I have the perfect solution. There is no bed in the spare room .

Perfect

"It has been so nice to have had you stay over the years but we are no longer in a position to accommodate guests. Would you like us to give you details of hotels nearby?. Let us know when you are in the area and we can meet up for a coffee"

I have the perfect solution. There is no bed in the spare room .

It would be lovely to see you for coffee etc but we can’t put anyone up anymore. We do look forward to seeing you. What are your dates and we can arrange something.
This worked perfectly for me. They did understand and we did meet up. Hope it works out well for you.

Just politely say that you have had to make the decision to stop having guests stay at your home, and that so many people were coming to stay it was just exhausting.
Say if you let them stay everyone will expect to stay. It's your home

My friend who lives in a very nice flat in Edinburgh finds friends come out of the woodwork every year at Festival time.

When he grumbled about them we told him it was his own fault, he should just say no but some people find it very hard to say no.

Just another quick thought. If you find it difficult to say ‘no’ when put on the spot, could you buy a pack of notelets with spring flowers on the front and write a note to your friends just to say now spring is here everyone’s thoughts are turning to making plans for the summer. Just to let you know that sadly we will not be able to offer stays with us in the future as …whatever reason you decide. If you are in the area we would love to meet for lunch one day, in the meantime hope these spring flowers cheer your day.
If you act quickly enough, your opening message inside the card could be ‘Happy Easter!’ f followed by the above. This might be easier if you struggle to say no in ‘real life’.

When my brother and his wife bought a rundown gìte in Normandy and their friends found out, my brother swears their eyes lit up with the unspoken words "free French holidays!"

And thus it eventually proved.

It's far easier with a second home because you can show friends the website with the going rates, and say they can have a discount out of season. Provided they also pay for the cleaning.
The OP can't really do that at home. It would seem churlish.

‘We have really enjoyed having people to stay over the years but, sadly, can do this no more as we find it just too tiring now and feel rather uncomfortable with other people staying in the house these days, not sure why but there we are!’
Or;
‘I’m sorry, we have a lot on these days and our plans are too uncertain for us to able to offer you any dates for a visit.’
Either can be followed with ‘If you do decide to stay in the area and we are available, it would be lovely to meet up somewhere for lunch one day if you can fit us in.’
I wouldn’t offer meals at your home, neither would I suggest places to stay, they can look those up for themselves.
The other alternative, of course, is to do and say nothing and carry on as you have been doing.
Nothing will change unless you change it. Good luck!

I think it's different if it's a second home to where you actually live.
My parents had a lovely caravan parked in a field on a farm. It had it's own piped water and a loo and they were very happy for friends and family to use it whenever they didn't intend to be there themselves.

It would have seemed a bit mean to not let it be used when they weren't there.
Why not let people you love have a break?

I feel very differently if it's your actual home. Then they need to be mindful of how they might be a nuisance, even if you love them.

We bought a cottage in Wales over twenty five years ago. We invited our family to see it and straight away it was suggested it would be hide away for all the family.
I made it clear from the start it was our property and ours to enjoy only. We worked hard to earn our living. I was therefore not prepared to give anyone a free holiday. Family can take you for granted and don't often give anything in return.

Point them to the nearest Airbnb and tell them you’d be very happy to catch up for a meal out somewhere (split bill).

TerriBull

I don't think you need to give any excuse other than to say, "I simply find hosting too much now, life moves on!"

Exactly this.

Why do you have to explain? Just say no!

You could just tell them you can no longer offer the same hospitality as before. They will need to cook meals, go shopping and make up and strip beds both ends of their stay.

We live in a lovely part of Devon, and friends do visit quite often. This year we're doing a good deal while we're abroad for 2 months where people can stay as long as they like in the house as long as they feed the cat. 🐈