I'm not a hotel

This is bringing back memories: I was 4 months pregnant with #4 when DH agreed to host a teenage weekend in our house, through our church.

I moved out with the youngest to stay with an understanding friend.

I came back at the end of the weekend. DH was hospitable to everyone whereas I am much more selective .

A cousin of his, who has since his death become a close friend to me comes from USA each year for a fortnight. She books into an Airbnb despite my having lots of space. She comes to me most days and we do fun things together. But I wish she would stay with me.

Another friend comes often when she visits her DC in Edinburgh. I like her company and don't resent it at all. She will shop and sometimes cook or pay for a meal out.

If I felt I was being used as a hotel I would say so PDQ.

I have invited myself, or rather taken up offers from several people in the past year.

You have made me think though if I am being a nuisance. Ex dancer
I think you must tell people that it's not easy for you anymore.

Ex Dancer, please come back and tell us, the people who come and stay, do they invite themselves ? or is it a situation that has evolved over the years?

Better to be truthful , you're getting older, blood pressure a bit on the high side, GP said to rest, not overdoing things. and stick to it or they'll want to come back the following year..

Richard Tete😂

TerriBull

I don't think you need to give any excuse other than to say, "I simply find hosting too much now, life moves on!"

Tho I would add ‘ but there are lovely b&b’s around here to stay in and you can have a meal here with us onMon/Tue’ or whenever day they will be down there, and also say it will be lovely to see them and catch up with news.
That way you sound welcoming and are providing one meal but making it clear that in future hosting is too much for you.

Just been over on MN, there's an outrageous thread along the hosting lines. The original poster, a mother to be, difficult pregnancy who will be 35 weeks pregnant and still working when guests of her French husband, more his friends than hers, arrive from France, comprising of husband and wife and their two very young children with them for 5 nights The husband likes to entertain in the manner of long leisurely 3 course dinners, fresh flowers on the table and then the family want their hosts to take them up into London around 30 minutes away every day. The general consensus served up by MN in their inimitable way, "ya husband's a dickhead luv, get him to do the lot, don't lift a finger and book yourself into a hotel" after 11 pages he'd gone from saying, he'd dismantle all the things they had in the nursery to accommodate guests, much to her distress, it wont be that difficult even though the children are fussy eaters and don't got to bed at regular times, he'd take on much of the arduous work, by the final page he'd capitulated, I'm wondering if she, the wife, had shown the responses and whether Richard Tete has the same resonance in French Anyway, he'd suggested to friends they book an Air B&B.

Result! 1 nil That's MN for you

😂😂😂

Where my children learned to swim. They never failed to make gagging noises every time we went there 💩
Then there was the open air pool, renovated and opened by Duncan Goodhew. I never did get to swim in that one.

Yes, we could have met for lunch at the Tiltyard!

You lived sooooo.........near me once Allira, shame! I think we could have met for coffee, our paths probably crossed somewhere, maybe at the pool, you know the one, with the missing l off the end of "pool" conjured up visions of floaters not what you want to meet when one does their front roll turn in lane swimming, not that I could ever do one mind!

We've lived near the coast, we've lived near you, Terribull (I recognise those haunts!) and we've entertained guests here too.

But no longer. No can do.

Because of our business we tend to have lots of visitors - collecting orders and workshop visits. In 2019 after 9 visits I said I am having a year off. Didn’t see anyone for over 2 years due to covid.

We do get friends ask if they can stay, they do say not to go to any trouble and they will help but I haven’t seen anyone clean the shower or wash the floor!

I've had people ask to come and stay, more when we lived in Greater London, fairly touristy near Hampton Court, Richmond Park easy access up to central London. I did take all that in my stride once, being younger, not any more. Now it irks me a lot if people, other than family ask to stay, as a couple have and I don't have any compunction in saying no!, particularly when its along the lines of "I'm visiting the area to see such and such". I have to zip my mouth, because what I really want to say is "we're not a bloody hotel" it takes time, effort and money to put everything in place to host.

I've also had this happen, one guest with us four nights, breakfasts, several meals at home, final night out to dinner when the bill comes, he didn't automatically offer to pay, my husband being an overly generous person, picks up the bill, I was furious, "split it at least" o/h "well there were two of us, so he'd be paying more" "paying more, he should have paid the bloody lot!" was my riposte

fancythat

Tell them you have done it for years, but are getting too old now.
The reasonable people will quite understand.

The unreasonable ones..well, they are unreasonable, so wont.

Absolutely be as honest as you can and simply say sorry, no!

TerriBull

I don't think you need to give any excuse other than to say, "I simply find hosting too much now, life moves on!"

Completely Agree, honesty being the best policy and all that.

I can’t believe that people invite themselves . Unless it’s family . Myself, my sister and my brother have an open invitation to each others houses . My brother lives in Ireland , so he’s always welcome, as we are at his.
I’d never invite myself to a friends house .
I’d be honest and say it’s all getting too much and say you’d love to see them during their stay and suggest local accommodation.
Good luck

"It would be nice to see you for a cuppa/restaurant meal but Im afraid hosting visitors is just too much for us these days. I can suggest ....B&B and ...hotel as comfortable alternatives for you."

I couldn't imagine anyone asking to stay? And I live somewhere touristy.....I have asked people ...but no one has ever asked me...that would be rude....you must have very cheeky friends ...

What you don't want is for them to stay at a B&B but expect a full three course meal in the evening supplied by you.

I agree with "it’s inconvenient, "age has crept up on you, and you can no longer do it" and "you have been told to rest more".

You need to be completely honest with them. If you go about it half hearted they might think it's just a one off and want to visit again next year so it needs to be made very clear that you can't do this any longer. It will also weedle out the friends who actual want your company rather than looking for a freebie break. Time to put on your big girl pants. Good luck.

"I am really sorry but I am not in a position to put you up this year as...........(provide excuse suitable to your situation without tempting fate) because we are having work done on the house? Or, you may have a big project on? Or, you could be doing an online course which will take up a lot of your time? Or, you are volunteering somewhere and are needed just for the days they suggest?

Agree TerriBull honest and to the point.

Cook horrid food and provide nasty accommodation. That should separate the sheep from the goats.

I don't think you need to give any excuse other than to say, "I simply find hosting too much now, life moves on!"

If you have a brother or sister or grown children or nieces or nephews or grand children who live in another area of the U.K. or The European Union, you could "white lie" and state that you and your hubs are visiting them this year or a univeristy reunion or secondary school reunion ..

Best wishes.

The next time someone proposes coming to stay simply reply ‘oh dear, that doesn’t work for us but here’s a list of nearly hotels, guest houses, Airbnb, etc’ for you to choose from. And leave it at that.
Be strong, have the conversation!

Would not invite them and if they invite themselves say you are feeling your age recently and suggest a nearby B&B they can book with the offer to meet up for sightseeing or meals out now and again.
All the best.