How can I help my 11 year old gd recently diagnosed with ADHD?

Alison333

In my job I come across many children who have been diagnosed with ADHD but quite a high proportion are also autistic.

Everybody seems to know about ADHD because it's more obvious but autistic children, especially girls can be very good at masking their problems at school or when visiting other people, then they come home and have meltdowns because of the stress/anxiety caused by trying to behave 'normally'.

I even wonder if ADHD and autism are part of the same spectrum.

Funny that you should ask that but there has been research which suggests that it could well be. However, it is difficult to tell as there are so many crossovers in the two conditions. One of the things that can happen is that once ADHDers are medicated, their autism starts to become more noticeable because they are not being masked by the ADHD.
They are currently investigating the genes and neural pathways to try to determine where there are correlations. We all have varying levels of Ehlers-Danlos in our family and there is a strong relationship with both neurological diversities with that too.

Goldenage, thank you for your kind comment. I will take your advice and talk to my gd about her feelings around it and how she would like me to structure the day.

I am learning so much from you all, I’m so glad I asked for your advice.

Is an appalling sense of direction part of ADHD? Does anybody know please?

I was absolutely always losing things as a child, very clumsy and uncordinated and dreadful attention span. I've wondered if I may be ADHD, not that it matters much now.

sixandahalf, it isn't part of the diagnostic criteria but an awful lot of ADHD people do suffer with difficulty with their sense of direction. For my own part, I am distracted by a lot of things so I don't really take in the essential components to find my way around easily. I am also dyspraxic which I am told is more likely if you have ADHD and have the attention span of a gnat!

Of course, a lot of people have traits of ADHD and ASD but you need a proper assessment before you know. I was diagnosed through the NHS. If I'm honest, it hasn't made a lot of difference to my life except to make me feel that I have a reason for being as I am and that, to a certain extent, I can't help it. I have always felt such a failure that I don't seem to manage to do the things a lot of women seem to be able to do with ease. I can remember asking a therapist years ago why I struggled a lot because it made me feel so hopeless. He had no answer. At least now I know.

sixandahalf

Is an appalling sense of direction part of ADHD? Does anybody know please?

I was absolutely always losing things as a child, very clumsy and uncordinated and dreadful attention span. I've wondered if I may be ADHD, not that it matters much now.

This sounds more like dyspraxia. I was diagnosed with this over 40 years ago. It is part of the range of conditions that come under the umbrella term 'neural diversity' and those who have it uite often have ADHD or other conditions (autism, dyslexia, discalculia) as well,

Poor sense of direction and difficulty telling left from right also come within this group. I have immense difficulty knowing which is left or right when people give me verbal or written instructions. I have to work it out, although my sense of direction is not bad.

However DD has no sense of direction at all and manages left and right by looking at her arm. One arm was badly damaged in an accident and she can remember that it was her right arm she injured and she looks at it to check! We give her directions by saying 'arm' meaning her damaged arm, and non-arm which means the other one. A bit ghoulish, but ti works.

teabagwoman

Thanks for your advice M0nica, I’ll try to make sure there aren’t any surprises. I have to say that I wish my gd would hyper concentrate. She flits from one activity to another and I’m left wondering how to occupy her and try and keep her off her phone.

One activity at a time, which you can share with her ( dominoes, happy families, snakes and ladders, drawing and crafts). Emphasise that you really want to play the games you used to love but will need quite a lot of help from her because of your sight and hearing problems. She might need to explain things to you, remind you which dominos to match etc. Slow things down, helps to hold her attention

Only one stimulus at a time. Don't have music,radio or TV playing at the same time you are chatting, playing, eating a meal, or colouring in etc.

Now that you know the diagnosis and are happy to ask for help, you will find your own best way.

Thanks for your useful replies to my question. I distinctly remember coming out of my Primary school at about age 8 (?) and not being able to remember which direction to take. It was a tiny village with one road.

That same feeling follows me now. I dread going to Physio because I can't find my bearings when I come out. It's a fairly simple corridor.

I'm sure I have dyspraxia, possibly other things. My parents and school were so cruel to me, I coudn't catch a ball or play sport. It was and is a neurological condition. On the plus side, I worked incredibly hard to overcome it.

Butterandjam, I’m not sure if it’s possible to slow dgd down! I’ll give it my best shot, it would be great if my problems could actually do some good if you see what I mean.

Sixandahalf, like Monica I have dyspraxia. Appalling sense of direction and takes me ages to learn a route. No co-ordination which was a drawback in a family of needle women. A diagnosis came far too late to help my education but it did mean that I stopped cursing myself for stupidity and accepted that I had to find different ways to do things. I get some odd looks at times but I just say “works for me”.

teabagwoman

*Butterandjam*, I’m not sure if it’s possible to slow dgd down! I’ll give it my best shot, it would be great if my problems could actually do some good if you see what I mean.

Sixandahalf, like Monica I have dyspraxia. Appalling sense of direction and takes me ages to learn a route. No co-ordination which was a drawback in a family of needle women. A diagnosis came far too late to help my education but it did mean that I stopped cursing myself for stupidity and accepted that I had to find different ways to do things. I get some odd looks at times but I just say “works for me”.

I'm not bragging here but my brain must have been on overdrive making adaptations to cope. Perhaps there is something rattling round in there after all!

teabagwoman I think your GD is very lucky to have a nice safe place to stay and the chance to "chill" as they say!

sixandahalf

Thanks for your useful replies to my question. I distinctly remember coming out of my Primary school at about age 8 (?) and not being able to remember which direction to take. It was a tiny village with one road.

That same feeling follows me now. I dread going to Physio because I can't find my bearings when I come out. It's a fairly simple corridor.

I'm sure I have dyspraxia, possibly other things. My parents and school were so cruel to me, I coudn't catch a ball or play sport. It was and is a neurological condition. On the plus side, I worked incredibly hard to overcome it.

In previous generations these things were simply not known about. My diagnosis of dyspraxia came out because my DS and I were part of a very early research project that described and defined the problem. We were part of that because I was looking for help for DS who had severe handwriting problems.

Like you I was hopeless at sport for the same reasons, that and needlework. However my DD, a superb needlewoman, reversed the saying 'if a thing is worth doing it is worth doing well'. She said 'If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing, even if you cannot do it well.'

With that in my mind, I am once again a needlewoman and better than I thought, now that I only get encouragement and not criticism.

Having worked in special education for some time my suggestions are one or two things that might be helpful.

So you could speak to her parents and ask for any suggestions that they find helpful, such as possibly keeping to particular meal times , using similar table ware etc.

Also to be aware of the sound levels around her. You probably have to have sound levels higher if you have hearing loss and it may be helpful to have periods of silence from tv or radio or to turn it down quite a bit, as there is probably a difference between the levels she hears at home and the levels you need to have.

Could you plan for her to spend sometime out in your garden which may be relaxing for her and she might enjoy learning how to plant seeds and plants, as once she has learnt how to do it, it is quite a calming peaceful job, which would allow her to relax and give her a way of taking "time out" where she doesnt have tobe on the alert to other people.

I am sure that your accepting her ways and being there for her in a simple way is a help and rather than wanting someone to be rushing about and doing many different things she may find it soothing that your ways at the moment are allowing her to have some idea ofwhat you will be doing and cause her much less stress. I hope all goes well for you

needlewoman is a great word.

Everyone with ADHD is different especially in females. I find music playing helps me and funnily enough although I’ve never been into classical music when it’s on it makes me feel better, I can’t explain why. Especially Vivaldi. Screen time is not good for us although we love it.

icanhandthemback

Alison333

In my job I come across many children who have been diagnosed with ADHD but quite a high proportion are also autistic.

Everybody seems to know about ADHD because it's more obvious but autistic children, especially girls can be very good at masking their problems at school or when visiting other people, then they come home and have meltdowns because of the stress/anxiety caused by trying to behave 'normally'.

I even wonder if ADHD and autism are part of the same spectrum.

Funny that you should ask that but there has been research which suggests that it could well be. However, it is difficult to tell as there are so many crossovers in the two conditions. One of the things that can happen is that once ADHDers are medicated, their autism starts to become more noticeable because they are not being masked by the ADHD.
They are currently investigating the genes and neural pathways to try to determine where there are correlations. We all have varying levels of Ehlers-Danlos in our family and there is a strong relationship with both neurological diversities with that too.

Wow! This is really interesting. In my family we have autism, attention deficit conditions and Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, two close relatives have all three conditions.

It's beginning to look more and more like a spectrum rather than lots of separate diagnoses....

If I was a science/medical professor with lots of resources (and money!) I'd research this!

Alison333, AI says:

People with Ehlers-Danlos Syndromes (EDS) or Hypermobility Spectrum Disorders (HSD) are significantly more likely to be neurodivergent, with studies suggesting they are over 7 times more likely to be autistic and frequently diagnosed with ADHD. Research indicates up to 30–50% of people with hEDS/HSD meet diagnostic criteria for autism.

That is significantly higher than the normal population.

It also says: Researchers suggest the connective tissue differences (collagen issues) in EDS may affect brain development.

It doesn't surprise me knowing how many of my family are HEDS and neurodivergent.

Ehlers-Danlos, like everything can be everything from slight to severe. Our DDiL is hyper mobile and has other associated problems. Our daughter is also hypermobile and our DGS has disautonomia, associated with Ehlers-Danlos, and also has ADHD.