How can I help my 11 year old gd recently diagnosed with ADHD?

As someone who has ADHD and with a son and grandson with it. I would say that the most important thing is try to have a stable routine around them, for getting up, going to bed having meals etc. I am very aware in retrospect how fortunate I was in a previous era, to have a clear framework around me that helped stabilise me. I could be erratic as I liked but that framework was so inexcorable it took a lot of the randomness out of my life and made it easier to function.
and remind The other thing with many people with ADHD. Do not spring surprises on us. If you are going shopping or out for the day. Tell her clearly. 'We will be going out later this morning and remind her regularly If you have a clock tell her what time and perhaps ask her regularly what the time is as you cannot see it. Make sure she does not get stuck into some book or jigsaw just before you go out.

One of the problems we had with DS and DGS both having ADHD, was DGS would get stuck into a game or something and would be hyperconcentrating then DS would rush in on a whirlwind, saying right we are off into town now to do this that and the other, expecting his son to immediately deconcentrate and change tack ready to go out. The shock and sudden disorintation always led to a tantrum.

I am not an expert but I do recognise the complexities of ADHD. Just be there for your GD and your love will shine through. Her parents will appreciate you taking care of their daughter, it will give them much needed respite. Our almost 8 year old GD is being assessed for ADHD, there is definitely something not 'right'. She is now playing up in school and has dreadful meltdowns at home. Like your GD she tries hard when in my care but kicks off on returning home!
I do worry but remain positive . Your GD has a diagnosis- we wait.
I hope someone here will be able to offer you support and advice.

Thanks for your advice M0nica, I’ll try to make sure there aren’t any surprises. I have to say that I wish my gd would hyper concentrate. She flits from one activity to another and I’m left wondering how to occupy her and try and keep her off her phone.

Shelflife, I hope you don’t have to wait too long for a diagnosis.

My grandson is older but has difficulty concentrating on more than one thing at a time so distractions need to be filtered eg if your granddaughter is eating with you try not to talk or make conversation. Our grandson dislikes eating with the family because he says people keep talking to him while he is concentrating on eating. He also doesn’t like his driving instructor talking to him while he is driving but he will have to learn to cope with that one. Try not to over-stimulate your granddaughter. Let her call the shots.

We are not diagnosed, but my son and I have all the traits.

The hardest thing with my son was getting him to finish a task (that he found boring or uncongenial). He always needed to go & start something else before finishing the last thing.So I would say where you set goals for completion of a task (tidying something etc) make them achievable by breaking them down into short components that he can be praised for completing, & then come back & continue later.
For me it was the fact that I was continually losing things because I found it very difficult to keep my thoughts on what I was doing.(still do). My mum always used to say I didn't try to look after things, which was probably the reverse of the truth, if I said I was trying she just said "you need to try harder". I used to get very upset, but it didn't help my brain function differently.
Routine helps me because then I can do things on "autopilot" when my mind's elsewhere (as it usually is)

valdavi I so recognise that 'need to try harder' bit, especially as I have dyspraxia and there was the belief that because my handwriting was a mess, I was not good at needlwork or anything reuiring good fine motor control, it was because I needed to concentrate and try harder.

I also find I need uncluttered (mental and physical) surroundings to concentrate on anything needing concentration, as distinct to things I hyper concentrate on bcause they interest me.
Routine is also one of my constant aims, because, as you say, things can be done on autopilot while thinking of something else.

I've not read the other comments.

I have ADD (not ADHD), may not be applicable. Mum well understood the differences to my older sisters and kept life as calm and stable as possible for me.

She attempted to keep me on a schedule, including eating on time, play time, tidying, studying. The nicest Nun (Catholic School) understood I needed help paying attention, she'd tell me to concentrate. I'm better if people ask me politely.

As an adult, I concentrate better in calm quiet. I eat a lot of protein, I exercise and walk daily, drink lots of coffee (stimulants help calm, strange I know).

teabagwoman

Thanks for your advice M0nica, I’ll try to make sure there aren’t any surprises. I have to say that I wish my gd would hyper concentrate. She flits from one activity to another and I’m left wondering how to occupy her and try and keep her off her phone.

teabagwoman
Hold on in there. We all went to hell and back with my granddaughter.
Eventually she was expelled from school.
Fortunately there was one teacher in that school who recognised her He recognised her symptons.
He spoke to a school who at the time was rated as 3rd in the county by Offsted
They accepted her on probation, and because of her exceptional exam results.
Her and I were out shopping one day when we bumped into her maths teacher. My granddaughter walked off. I asked the teacher how was she doing at maths: her answer: she’s better than me!!!
She is now a prefect.
One teacher. That’s all it took.

Thanks Petra, we need all the encouragement we can get. Dgd can be such a lovely girl, kind and considerate, and I hate to see her struggling like this. Her self esteem is so low.

teabagwoman

Thanks Petra, we need all the encouragement we can get. Dgd can be such a lovely girl, kind and considerate, and I hate to see her struggling like this. Her self esteem is so low.

Tell her to look up all the Nobel Pize winners who had ADHD. All the people on these lists achieved what they achieved because they have ADHD not despite having it.

Here are 2 lists to start with
www.additudemag.com/slideshows/famous-people-with-adhd/
www.adhdcentre.co.uk/successful-people-with-adhd-superpowers/

Encourage her to be herself and take pride in her difference and not worry about what other people think. I have had a really good life, and I think, much of what I have done or achieved has been because I have ADHD, not despite having it.

Thank you M0nica, that’s very kind of you. The assessment report inevitably lists all the problems dgd has so it’s good to be made aware of the other side of the coin.

Teabagwoman:
I haven’t had a lot to do with my grandchildren who have ADHD as we live a long way apart. Granddaughter drove her father mad as she was growing up, he exasperatedly said “ she has the concentration of a gnat!” She now has a First from Oxford, so don’t despair over your granddaughter. The boy not only has ADHD but Tourette Syndrome as well, though it’s mildly. He left school with straight As and is now doing music at one of the London music schools, I can never remember which. He seems quite talented at it, has had several pieces published, but to his grandmother the sounds he produces could be bettered by a cat fight! It takes all sorts!!

Just like autism, different people respond differently to others with their ADHD. Her parents will have ideas as will your grandaughter so maybe talk to them.

My experience with teaching children with AHDH is that they need a fairly structured day. Not lots and lots of rules, just some few sensible ones.

Remind her gently if she forgets one or other of them, along the lines of "Let's just hang your coat up on the peg".

We colour-coded the timetable for our ADHD pupils and asked their parents to mark textbooks and jotters in the same way. For instance all maths books have a blue label, all English ones a red label and so on. This makes it so much easier for the child to find the right book, and makes it easier for the grown-up helping to pack the school-bag.

AuntieE that sounds so sensible and as an ex ADHD adult, I would have found it so helpful.

, we all have it love

In my job I come across many children who have been diagnosed with ADHD but quite a high proportion are also autistic.

Everybody seems to know about ADHD because it's more obvious but autistic children, especially girls can be very good at masking their problems at school or when visiting other people, then they come home and have meltdowns because of the stress/anxiety caused by trying to behave 'normally'.

I even wonder if ADHD and autism are part of the same spectrum.

One of the reasons children 'act out' when they get home is because they are exhausted from 'masking' all day at school, trying to fit in.
It helps when you understand this.

Crossed posts

teabagwoman - you ARE the ideal g.parent - you're caring about your gd and seeking advice. So well done. If your gd. tries hard to 'behave' for you, you try talking to her about her feelings, and about how hard it might be for her to mask the discomfort she's experiencing. Tell her also that for every 'deficit' she might think she has, you can see many other wonderful additions that she brings to your and other people's lives. Just let her know that she doesn't have to fit into a mould that genuinely causes pain and anxiety.

I have lots of experience of ADHD, ADD and ASD within my family but also as a therapist. I don't think it's been mentioned on this thread but there are correlations between hypermobility and these 'disorders' and often people don't understand that the fidgeting and/or unconventional writing is a result of something physical and not a lack of concentration.

Apparently, children with ADHD are more likely to have magnesium deficiency, so supplementing with Mg forms like glycinate, malate, or L-threonate were suggested in an article I read. It was also suggested to reduce EMF exposure, sugar, gluten and chemical pesticides, artificial sweeteners, monosodium glutamate (MSG), cleaning products, detergents, perfumes and food additives (also colourings and benzoate).
People have had positive experiences using essential oils, especially vetiver, but also cedarwood, rosemary, ylang ylang, frankincense and lavender.

AuntieE

My experience with teaching children with AHDH is that they need a fairly structured day. Not lots and lots of rules, just some few sensible ones.

Remind her gently if she forgets one or other of them, along the lines of "Let's just hang your coat up on the peg".

We colour-coded the timetable for our ADHD pupils and asked their parents to mark textbooks and jotters in the same way. For instance all maths books have a blue label, all English ones a red label and so on. This makes it so much easier for the child to find the right book, and makes it easier for the grown-up helping to pack the school-bag.

Brilliant.

monami

, we all have it love

That's a very dismissive statement. You obviously have no idea about why the figures have shot up; for years and years everything has been based on a male presentation. Now they realise how females present differently, more women have been diagnosed. All the areas where I suffered at school, throughout my life and still suffer are classic presentations for females.