Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

How do I bring this issue up with our neighbours?

(55 Posts)
AskAlice Mon 27-Apr-26 19:00:34

Our neighbours, both in their 80s, are very pleasant and we get on well with them in a "pass the time of day" way when we see them outside in the garden or at the front of our house. They moved in about 4 years ago. However, over the last few weeks we have noticed that their TV noise is much more noticeable in the evening and is becoming a distraction. We are semi-detached and their house is attached to ours with the living spaces attached.

I can only think that they have bought a new TV, or that they have re-sited their TV or bought a Sound Bar or something like that. Or their hearing has deteriorated and they have turned the sound up on their TV to be able to hear it more clearly.

How do I bring up the subject to tell them that the sound from their TV is now much more intrusive in our living room in the evening wihtout causing offense?

NotSpaghetti Mon 27-Apr-26 19:04:29

Just ask them nicely if maybe they have changed the sitting room round because their TV is now rather loud?

Do they have family visiting?
Maybe speak to them?

MayBee70 Mon 27-Apr-26 19:08:06

Oh poor you. I’ve just had a huge argument with a neighbour after living here argument free for nearly fifty years ( and I was just doing something I thought was helpful). I think you’ve got to say something but think very carefully how you word it. I bet they’ve bought a tv that now goes on the wall? Better to say something now rather than wait until a time when you’re at the end of your tether over it. I don’t like that wood that people are putting in their houses now but I think it is a way of soundproofing a room so maybe you could soundproof your central wall? Difficult situation all round. Good luck…

Tenko Mon 27-Apr-26 19:14:53

Just mention politely that you can hear their TV through the walls. My mum lives in a retirement apartment complex and a few years ago she bumped into the neighbour above her. This neighbour mentioned that mums tv was quite loud . Mum hadn’t been wearing her hearing aids because they kept falling out .
So with your neighbours , it could be hearing issues .

SparklyGrandma Tue 28-Apr-26 13:40:56

Suggest they use the subtitle function maybe. I put the sub titles on when I’m watching TV very late. I can put the sound down low.

Angelafeet Tue 28-Apr-26 13:41:50

If you feel really awkward bringing it up. Try turning it round…ask if they can hear your Tv…that you were worried that they might….conversation can then continue

Ameliaw Tue 28-Apr-26 13:44:31

Send them a letter.
It can’t usually be taken the wrong way.
And they can’t pretend you’ve said something you haven’t.
Sorry for your troubles, we are having problems with a neighbour who allows her boyfriend to park obstructively.
A word didn’t seem to work!

Alison333 Tue 28-Apr-26 13:55:44

Angelafeet

If you feel really awkward bringing it up. Try turning it round…ask if they can hear your Tv…that you were worried that they might….conversation can then continue

Good idea!

jakuss Tue 28-Apr-26 14:02:14

Just tell them, why beat around the bush, they probably dont realise if they are deaf and will be horrified they disturbed you

Schnackie2 Tue 28-Apr-26 14:02:55

Well, whatever you do, I'm sure it will be more tactful than my neighbour was when I was turning my telly up too loud. He called the council and I received a letter basically threatening me with an ASBO! I will concede that we are in flats and have different entry points so he probably wasn't sure which flat was mine, but I would have been happy for him to knock on the wall and tell me to turn it down!

jakuss Tue 28-Apr-26 14:03:34

I dont think many 80 year olds put a tele on the way, they are deaf and dont realise it

MayBee70 Tue 28-Apr-26 14:07:53

Ameliaw

Send them a letter.
It can’t usually be taken the wrong way.
And they can’t pretend you’ve said something you haven’t.
Sorry for your troubles, we are having problems with a neighbour who allows her boyfriend to park obstructively.
A word didn’t seem to work!

I think I’d find a letter more upsetting than my neighbour knocking on my door and tactfully mentioning it.

knspol Tue 28-Apr-26 14:09:10

Is it possible you're hearing it more as you both have windows open in the warmer weather?
I would just be straight with them and say in a friendly way that you've recently started hearing their TV through the walls and you wonder if it's possible for them to turn down the volume a little. It depends how much of a problem it is for you I suppose.

AshleysGran Tue 28-Apr-26 14:13:38

Angelafeet

If you feel really awkward bringing it up. Try turning it round…ask if they can hear your Tv…that you were worried that they might….conversation can then continue

Yes, is it possible THEY can hear YOUR TV and have turned theirs up to drown YOURS?

Aldom Tue 28-Apr-26 14:17:24

jakuss

I dont think many 80 year olds put a tele on the way, they are deaf and dont realise it

Rather a patronising comment,if I may say so.
My television is wall mounted.... and I'm an octogenarian++++++
We're not dinasores you know. grin

daughterofbonniebelle Tue 28-Apr-26 14:21:28

Speak thoughtfully & tactfully. Don't write. They could be, like many of us, a bit 'hard of hearing'.
Older people are often a bit more amenable and reasonable, and more likely to discuss, rather than respond defensively or aggressively. Try at all times to see their point of view as well as your own, and hopefully you will come to some sort of arrangement. Do listen to what they have to say!

nexus63 Tue 28-Apr-26 14:23:55

my elderly father was very wary of upsetting the neighbours with his tv, he got headphones and plugged them into the back of the tv, i do not watch tv so i was happy to read a book or do a crossword and he was happy.

crazyH Tue 28-Apr-26 14:31:27

jakuss that’s rather ageist - my Tele is on the wall . And, I’m neither deaf, nor blind

Juicylucy Tue 28-Apr-26 14:37:01

I companion a lady of 95 who’s hard of hearing and has good hearing aids but she has to still have her TV on 47 it’s very loud. She’s in an apartment and the upstairs Neigbours asked her to turn it down she was mortified that she was upsetting someone so was happy to turn it down but she does have to be reminded as she does forget now and again.

Gwyllt Tue 28-Apr-26 14:40:22

Send a letter. Go through an intermediary. Unless I was completely dolally I would be very hurt not to say offended that they didn’t talk to me directly.

Greciangirl Tue 28-Apr-26 14:52:58

Definitely hard of hearing.
I am 80 years old and have to turn the tv up quite loud sometimes.

But I usually put the subtitles on. That’s the only way to understand what’s being said.
I do this because my neighbours wall is directly behind our tv.

How you approach it is another matter.
But do mention to them that their tv is a little loud.
And see what they say,maybe.

jocork Tue 28-Apr-26 15:16:37

My ex used to play music very loudly so I was always glad we lived in a detached house, apart from a few months in a flat when first married. Unfortunately semi-detached houses often have fairly thin walls! i've been in houses where you could hear your neighbour putting a plug in the wall!
When I lived in a flat I had a neighbour below me who was very noisy, with loud TV in the early hours. I didn't know him at all as he was renting while most of the residents owned, so I put a note through the door and the noise stopped immediately so he clearly didn't realise. However if you know the neighbours I think it's best to speak to them directly. I'd be mortified if I thought my TV disturbed the neighbours, but I'd still rather know so I could turn it down.

Wyllow3 Tue 28-Apr-26 15:25:29

Angelafeet

If you feel really awkward bringing it up. Try turning it round…ask if they can hear your Tv…that you were worried that they might….conversation can then continue

I like this approach.

Technically I believe you can get sound level measuring stuff and there are limits,

But a simple approach is to sound record on your mobile their TV noise so you have evidence (date, time, what was on TV) to mention in conversation if appropriate.

Nomadica Tue 28-Apr-26 15:41:47

Yes I agree with others - ask if they can hear your TV because you're thinking that because you can hear theirs they may be able to hear yours. Hopefully conversation can indeed continue from there.

AskAlice Tue 28-Apr-26 15:53:18

Thank you all for your suggestions, I will have a gentle word with the lady next door. I think her husband is rather deaf and is also fond of DIY so has probably put the television up on the wall, or at least directly against it. We did hear some banging and drilling a couple of weeks ago on the party wall, so maybe that was what he was doing!