Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

I'm a bit stuck! What would you do?

(2 Posts)
Grandmafrench Fri 26-Jun-26 12:16:18

We know that life changes for everyone, all the time, and we often face situations which are unplanned. You say you had a 3/5 year plan when you moved away to be near a Daughter who is now married and has her own life.

You say you love your current home and local life then also that it used to be wonderful ...... but not so much now?

Your feel that since your Dad passed away, your Mum now needs more support and you'd like to see her more regularly since she also cares for your diabetic (and depressed) brother. But you don't want to move back to where you grew up.

Any future plans or ideas for your Mum will undoubtedly feature your Brother. Is he likely to influence or pour cold water on future plans if they are to involve him? Will this cause stress and uncertainty for your Mother since she doesn't have the clear run that you do?

IMO I feel that since you are so uncertain as to what to do for the best at present, it would be best to do nothing. Not now. Take the freedom from work this summer and think carefully about your own future wants and needs. Maybe make a list setting out what is going to make you happy. Reflect on whether you do actually want to move or whether your concerns for your Mum are affecting your judgment.

You say she's two hours away. So why not, with the benefit of some free time and longer days, make a plan to visit her regularly. Say, every two weeks. Go and stay and see how 'it' makes you feel, how she feels and how you think she is coping. She may be perfectly happy where she is at present but it may be that she could happily be the one to move (along with your Brother?) to somewhere nearer you. That might make you feel less responsible or guilty that you're not helping her more.

Take the time whilst you have the time. It would be sad for you to literally make a wrong move which you come to regret.

Daisy25 Fri 26-Jun-26 11:18:26

So I moved away from my family home a few years ago....2021 to be closer to my adult DD. She is now married and doesn't need me...but my Dad since passed and my Mum, as much as she is well, late 70's looks after my diabetic/depressed brother...and obviously misses my Dad.
I love my house, and local life, but feel terrible for not being closer to my Mum to support her going forwards. I miss seeing her on a regular basis. (live 2 hours away).
I have no ties to where I live now, but don't really want to move back to where I grew up. I'm really struggling to work out what is best to do for the future....both for myself and my Mum.
The housing market is so slow atm so feel I'm making that an excuse atm.
I'm not working atm as had a break after my Dad passed.
I can afford to take the Summer off.
I just feel really undecided about what to do for this next stage of my life....When I first moved here 5 years ago it was wonderful, but tbh like I've said I only planned to be here for 3/5 years. So not tied and my DD is married now and leads a very busy life. So she doesn't mind whether I move or stay.
Just looking for advice, if anyone else has been in this scenario.