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Are all Scams Online

(30 Posts)
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FranA Sat 01-Aug-26 19:33:10

The reason I wonder is this. About 6 months ago I was just starting my usual aqua class when a young foreign lady joined the class. I am a bit of a loner. Although I know nearly everyone in the class and they know me I most often just prefer to do my own thing and not join in the conversational groups. The young foreign lady decided she would join me. I am very polite and would also try to make anyone new feel welcome. I chatted to her telling her all about the class but decided asking against asking her any personal questions more than “Are you new”. After that I couldn’t get rid of her. She was very pushy wanting to join me in everything I did. I politely declined to have her follow me into my other activities. That was quite hard to do as she was very pushy wanting to join me for coffee or anything else I was doing.
I have never seen her again until today. I have changed my appearance due to illness in the intervening six months. Today in the pool I was swimming in the fast lane. I am activity trying to get fit and spent about one hour just swimming lengths. The same young lady started swimming in the lane next to me and trying to start up a conversation or match my strokes. And waiting at the lane end and trying to start a conversation. I found it quite unsettling. The gym has a sauna and a jaquisi where people who want to chat can easily start up a conversation. It felt quite odd to me that someone would try to start up a conversation with an old lady who was obviously into trying to swim lengths. She swam very few lengths but was just standing at the end of her lane and obviously hoping that I would stop and talk to her. She would try to talk to me as I was doing my turns. Can anyone offer a plausible explanation to what I find to be rather strange behaviour.

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MawsRosie Mon 03-Aug-26 12:23:50

And if you engage, it might be difficult to disengage later.
Also, if you are the type of person who values their privacy and their own space, it's not unkind to politely let the other person know that
I cannot however understand how OP appears to lack the social skills (and life experience); to do just that.
If swimming - ignore the other woman, turn around and swim away, don’t let yourself get cornered in the coffee shop or if all else fails enlist the help of another friend to be deep in conversation when this young woman pops up.
However I find it depressing to think that what may be innocent and kindly behaviour should be seen by so many as suspicious.
If we grow less tolerant and grumpy in old age no wonder isolation or loneliness can be such a common issue.

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Crumbly159 Mon 03-Aug-26 12:46:19

butterandjam

*It could be that she has no family in this country, is looking for a mother or grandmother figure.*

Ideally, a quiet elderly lady who lives alone in a comfy warm house and has a spare room and a healthy bank account.

Don't part with money.

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karmalady Mon 03-Aug-26 12:48:11

Trust your gut instinct *FranA*. It is there for a reason, to protect you. I instinctively feel that you are right to be suspicious

Many scams take place by enticing people into friendship groups, hobby groups etc as explained to us by a representative giving a talk by Actionfraud. First they suck you in and then the scam happens

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MawsRosie Mon 03-Aug-26 13:00:59

Don't part with money

Talk about adding 2+2 and making 10!
Nobody has mentioned money!
Perhaps because I am a naturally friendly person and now on my own - although deep down shy- but I regularly strike up a conversation with eg another woman on the train, sitting beside me at the theatre, at my elbow in a gallery or if we have to share a table at a coffee shop. I have met some truly interesting people that way especially where there is an interest in common, as has happened at Book Festivals.
Perhaps next time they will run when they see me coming, but I hope not! Usually the time of day or an innocuous remark about the weather/traffic/play we are there to see/the author of a book who is speaking to us ,or whatever, - I am rarely if ever “brushed off” , sometimes we get quite chatty .
I find it one of the upsides of going to things alone and hope that other women on their own are equally happy with a little social interaction.

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