Photos of casket at Crematorium posted on Facebook

paddyann54

Any crematoria I,ve been to the coffin disappears through the curtain at the end of the service…..how did he get back in to take pictures

At the funeral I attended only a couple of weeks ago, the coffin remained on the plinth until we’d all left. It was a particularly tragic occasion, though - a young person who’d died very suddenly after a long illness she was supposed to be recovering from. 😰

The last funeral I attended ( this year) the coffin was left on the Plinth too. Various family members touched it as they walked past.

He felt it was acceptable, you didn't. You have equal status, both opinions are valid. I hope you won't fall out over this. RIP Mum.

BlueBelle

Notspaghetti not in Ireland they still have the open casket in the home for viewing and saying goodbye.

Mine look Victorian
I am assuming they are relatives!

When you say plastered all over Facebook does your brother not have restrictions eg family, friends or is the whole world able to access his posts. When anything is Zoomed, it's usually seen by those invited to view. Nothing you can do to chsnge his actions other than ask him to remove the posting. Sorry for your loss.

i saw travellers and hispanic putting photos of their dead children on the bookcases top of the tv etc
like victorian photos
allthatsinteresting.com/victorian-death-photos

I’d be angry and upset too Foxglove77 and if he were my brother he would be feeling the sharp end of my tongue!

Why do people have to be so insensitive…….I have even seen photos this week on SM of someone’s stillborn baby…….by all means, have photos for personal use but don’t plaster them all over ! Don’t get me wrong, I genuinely feel for the bereaved parents and relatives but why….????

Having worked at two different Crematoria as both Chapel Assistant and as Administrator, I have to say that it is unusual for someone to be allowed back into the Chapel after the service, however maybe the Brother had asked permission beforehand and was allowed to stay behind or re-enter. Unfortunately, photography and even videography are quite common place now at funerals, my belief is that since Covid restrictions caused a lot of families to miss their loved ones services and therefore Crematoriums were offering live streaming for those, people are taking it a step further. Sadly there is no right or wrong in cases like these. I would like to point out that by far the majority of Crematoriums in the U.K. do not allow open coffins at services so it would up have been a closed coffin that photos were taken of. I personally would not feel comfortable with someone, relative or otherwise, taking a photo of my loved ones coffin, but some people do find it helps them get closure on the situation. For the OP, maybe tell your brother how upset his actions have made you feel, he may not realise that it has affected you so deeply.

I mean by today's standards it seems it pretty normal to take photos at funerals, I've seen people actually posing next to coffins 🙄

For me it's disgusting and anyone doing it at a family members funeral would get a shock because I'd make sure they were immediately deleted.

But we don't have to go back too many years (Victorian era) and it was common place to take photos of the dead, they'd dress them up in their finest clothes and pose them, sometimes alone but often with husbands or other family. They even had specific photographers for the job, so at one time it was perfectly normal to do it.

I think this is extremely disrespectful and your brother sounds like a real nob. I would be deeply upset.

Do local. Councils allow people to take photos of coffins inside Crematoriums?

If they do. It should only be only limited to one photo and taken by a chosen senior member of a family and supervised by staff. Not idiots.
Or perhaps by the Funeral Director.

I know times have changed. But Facebook seems to take the biscuit in trashing privacy.

Is nothing sacred?

Every single event in some people's lives. Not matter how private or menial, has to be clicked and posted.

This is very sad for our Society whereby people don't seem to think any event has happened to them unless it is on Facebook.

The Ultimate Performative Society?

Witzend I am from the UK. I refer to the coffin as a casket as it was a willow casket. Mum was claustrophobic and had a fear of being nailed in a wooden coffin. We chose an oval willow casket so it did not resemble a coffin and was only held down by toggles.

It was a lovely service and this has upset me. There was no streaming of the service requested by anyone not there.

my partners daughter took photos of her holding her dads hand after he died, she put them on facebook, she also took photos of him in his coffin and asked if i would like them sent to my phone, she wanted to show me how handsome he looked in his suit, i found it disgusting, thankfully she never put them on facebook. showing your mums coffin is crass, he could have just put a photo of her instead.

Am so sorry you had to witness this Foxglove. In my opinion he should not have done that, it's disrespectful .If you all as a family were in agreement, that's a different matter. Someone mentioned that funerals can be seen on Zoom or whatever, but usually family and friends who can't attend request a code for that , it' s not in the public domain.

I’m sorry OP that must have been very upsetting.

Let's start talking more about death, end of life and consequences and perhaps what we would like after death, maybe?

Sorry for your loss Foxglove. I agree it is not a good thing to have done but please let it go. No point in falling out over it

Foxglove77

I am so angry right now. We had a lovely funeral service for our dear Mum yesterday. My eldest brother has gone back into the Crematorium after the service and taken several photos of our Mum in her casket on the plinth and posted them on Facebook.

I know you can't see her body but even so, its so disrespectful. Poor Mum would be devastated. It's not like she was able to give her permission.

AIBU to be furious with his actions?

Absolutely you are right to be furious.
It shows a lack. of respect for your beloved mum and it also shows a huge lack of maturity on your brothers part .
It shows his basic lack of decency if anything.

ExaltedWombat

He felt it was acceptable, you didn't. You have equal status, both opinions are valid. I hope you won't fall out over this. RIP Mum.

Exactly.

I do think it was a very odd thing to do, but Foxglove explaining that it was a wicker coffin could have been why the brother took a picture.
When we went to my brother’s funeral in Brighton we met outside what had been the marital home, to find his estranged wife directing a professional photographer, as if it were a wedding, demanding photos of ( mostly) her by the hearse, but then with her siblings, parents, and friends. His children were horrified, but didn’t want to cause a scene.

I agree with ExaltedWombat. He must have written something to accompany the photo's and not just put them on FB with no explanation.

I took a photo of my mother-in-law's beautiful British willow coffin decorated with the flowers (garden and wild) that she loved.
It was taken respectfully just ahead of the woodland burial in a quiet moment between the "service" and the committal as the rest of the family were still arriving.

It looked sort-of "settled" and was in fact quite beautiful.
It felt like a final recognition of her choices on this earth and is there for her family in future.

I am sorry you are upset about your brother - I would have been unhappy to see that someone had shared the photo online too.

Why would anybody want a picture of a burial casket ever? Odd.

Because they were unable through age or infirmity to be there.

I am sorry for your loss.

I would not have wanted similar photos posted on Facebook myself, but your brother felt differently, and I am certain he meant no disrespect to your mother, but felt he was honouring her. She was after all his mother too. Presumably, he did not realise that this would hurt you.

Try not to upset yourself over this. He is your brother, so try not to take it out on him that you and he think differently about this.

I was asked by a younger relation to take photo of my husband before his coffin was closed, as she was not able to attend his funeral. I dutifully asked the undertaker if he would be kind enough to take the photo, which he did and then the young woman turned round and said she had reconsidered and did not want the photo.

Frankly, I would rather not have had it taken, or have had to see it, as the undertaker e-mailed it to me. But there it is.

Immediately after the funeral everything hurts. As time passes, I hope you will find, as I did, that this no longer rankles.

Could OP confirm the casket was closed in the photographs posted? That's as l read it and l think the casket being closed or open is significant.

My condolences Foxglove.