Surviving Grief - where I am at

I cant add anything to that,how can others understand what we are going through we dont understand it ourselves.Be gentle with yourself ..sums it up,you have to travel through all the phases of grief ,to come out the other side ,and you do, bruised and battered but alive because the strength of the human spirit amazes you with that tiny little bud of light that appears to lead you back to life.I always thought if anything happened to my children I would cry and scream and become hysterical..my god that would have been a relief ...I became numb and cried inside and could find no release at all,the first time I cried was just recently when my partner became ill with depression and I thought our relationship had finished,the floodgates opened for cheryl,katy,dad,mum,my failed marriages,I was a person who didnt cry I dealt with the practicalities and held the others up..I had been strong for far too long,now I am healingxxx

I can identify with that. If you are a mum or nan in a supporting role you do put your own grief on the back burner. I have only really, really cried fit to break twice - once about three months after and the second time , strangely, when /I learned /I had become a granny. I sobbed all morning and /I didn't know where the tears came from except that they were connected to Evelyn. I swa a dear friend yesterday, whom /I haven't seen for ages and I was telling her about this. I said that the new little life in our midst is bringing me comfort - not healing - but comfort that I know I need. xx

imperfect new life is like spring it gives hope to the spirit that the cycle of life goes on,the hard part is when young lives are finished abruptly by their own hand,accident,their way of passing is hard to deal with,sudden with unanswered questions,illness would at least be something that would explain the reason they have gone...all we are left with are questions.
Enjoy your new little life,fresh clean and untainted innocent.I was lucky kates legacy to me was her daughter although damaged through seeing Domestic violence and being present when Kate died,she has been my focus for so long,her needs paramount ,my partner has been my rock whilst supporting my ex husband and my son and he helped me as a carer when my mum became ill,my ex husband is a friend as we have shared so much and as parents we care for our fractured family even if we are not together,it would be so much worse if we where a family at warxx

My ex-husband was driving the car. We had kept things civil after he left me, but that was all really. When Evie died, I felt so much compassion for him. By then he was in a long-term relationship, but he came to stay with us for a time - we both needed the rest of our the family around us. Since then we have always got on better and we recognise that we are the only two who carry the same grief. It is good that we can keep anniversaries together.

I have hesitated until now to read this thread. I haven't experienced the kinds of devastating losses that posters here have been through, and I was afraid that by reading all of your stories I would be intruding on your grief without being able to give anything of value in the way of understanding.

All of your stories are of unimaginable suffering, grief beyond words. I don't know how you have held your lives together and kept going.

Love and blessings to Imperfect, Downtoeart, Regalo and all who are living with the heartbreak of such tragic loss.

Thank you Indinana.

I have wanted to post here because I know how overwhelming and scary it can be at first, but my message is, we can and do get through. Life is never the same, but it does become do-able again. It is different for each of us - no two losses are ever the same and the time it takes to feel we are managing again varies, but the saying 'it is always darkest before the dawn is very true and the days of wrenching loss do give way to a more manageable calm over time.

xx

thank you Indiexx
I also believe that life goes on,it has too,it is surprising what you can endure if you have no choice,and the cliche "what dosent kill you makes stronger" is also true,life becomes enjoyable again,you laugh,you have fun,and you also have your memories that become a comfort as time goes on xxx