Scattering ashes

I am to do this on my dad's birthday, what would have been his 77th. I have decided where to scatter him and I think he would be pleased, but I do intend to keep some of him too and put him under the tele as it was a great pleasure for him to watch and will be of comfort to me too to have him near. I am glad others have said that they have split the ashes, as this will be the case, so that puts my mind at rest a bit. I will be doing it alone, at night, privately and peacefully, nothing illegal, just less people around for me to be at one with my thoughts.

Luckygirl - what a beatiful poem. I'm sure your mother (who read poetry) would have loved it!

Annsixty - my mum made it known she was wondering if perhaps we'd "like some of dad's ashes" to go in the garden, just by the spot we buried our old cat. Well, they did get on quite well. That did not happen. However, we recently attended a lovely walk in the woods, to a spot amid the bluebells, for the scattering of a beloved dog's remains. Was beautiful, quiet, joyful and not at all as silly as one would imagine. Yes, his person read a short poem and we all listened and shed a tear or two.

Whatever feels right to you is how this should go. So sorry for your loss!

When my daughter aged 25 died, the undertaker arrived that night to take her away and discuss the funeral arrangements. We decided on a cremation so he asked what were we going to do with the ashes and did she have a special place for them to be scattered. My other daughter piped up ' how about the changing rooms in Top Shop as she spent a lot of time in there!'. Although it was the most awful time of our lives, we could still find this funny - I know my daughter would have too.

That is a very sad Poem Luckygirl, very sad indeed. It makes me think what is life all about, no matter what we do, your Mum reading poetry for example. If we are happy or sad people, kind or unkind we all end up pretty much the same way. I feel quite upset now. I am off to bed but I doubt I will sleep

I'm glad I'm not the only one who found the procedure comic or bizarre. We were staying with family in New Zealand and joined in the scattering of my uncle's ashes at various stages up his favourite mountain.
The evening before my cousin had sat down measuring out the ashes into small plastic food bags, saying "That's probably the weight of an arm, that's about the amount of a leg etc." It seemed a bit weird, but as the family are mainly doctors, including my uncle, I guess it was all perfectly natural and fitting for them!

Thank you so much, all of you, for your experiences and thoughts.

I now have a much clearer idea of what to do. It will be very open and probably windy, so we shall take care. And as someone said, the ashes are very heavy, even though the undertaker transferred them to a special cardboard container. I have known the exact spot for years as it was the only thing DH was clear about when considering his mortality. My DF was much more helpful, and his funeral was easy because I had talked it all through several times. Mind you, he was 94 when he died, so it seemed reasonable to discuss it!

I realise now I have arrived at the top of the family tree that it is helpful for family to have some indications about how we want to be dealt with. So as well as the Will and Lasting Power of Attorney Health and Welfare, I have said that I simply want to be planted under a tree in a woodland burial site, no frills and fuss. I am a great believer in recycling!

And we shall warm our backsides in a local pub after the farewell to DH, just as he would have done. Great idea, that. Thank you.

I am glad you said that about watercourses, as my parents both died ten years ago, within three months of each other, and their ashes went in the Humber near the bridge.

I agree this should be very personal and what is best for you. My dad's ashes traveled around in my brother's van for weeks before the family got together to scatter him at his favourite fishing pool on the river. We had a lengthy walk across fields avoiding cowpats, and we all thought our own thoughts as he floated away with posies of flowers from his garden. We then skimmed stones as we had done as children and have done many times since with grandchildren he never met. At the time the hawthorn was in full bloom and the scent still reminds me of him.

A few years later my mother joined him as she had requested. When her sister died her ashes were returned to the family grave in Ireland and as we had none of my Mum's ashes we took some soil from the garden to sprinkle there. We added their names to the gravestone so she is with both parts of the family now.

The course of the river has changed so that they would probably not recognise it now but 'plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose' and I know they would understand that being lovers of nature.