Not sure how I feel yet.

I am very sorry for your loss, Phoenix. I know what it is to have a difficult relationship with one's mother. I always thought mine was a nightmare until I realised, later in my adult life, how little enjoyment she must have got out of her marriage and how it shaped us all. When she died it took a long time for me to mourn her, but when I did I don't think I have ever shed so many tears. I adored my father but I have never ever shed a tear in mourning for him and, to this day, I don't know why. My heart goes out to you.

So very sad. Thinking of you

I'm so very sorry for your loss, Phoenix.x

Such a mixture of grief and regret for what you wish had been.

I truly do understand this - although my mother did not cut off contact with me, like yours did, she was a very difficult person to be with and we had a very poor relationship; so I know that sense of might-have-been, could-I-have-done-more.

I can only say that it will pass - but that period of confusion is one I recognise well and I am walking by your side.

As others have said grieve for the might have been and treat yourself kindly .

A huge virtual hug from me too.

Phoenix, I am so sorry for the loss of your Mum, please don't feel guilty but take time to grieve.

So sad phoenix, mourning for the shared times you could have had and the loss of your mother. Be kind to yourself and remember the better times

I'm so sorry to hear how you're feeling Phoenix.

We always want that storybook relationship with our parents don't we. When my father died ( he divorced my Mum and I had not seen or heard from him in 20+ years)I felt cheated too . I had so much to say and now no-one to say it to.

Eventually I wrote it all in a letter that I burnt.

I hope you go easy on yourself and take the time to process your thoughts.x

phoenix, ((((hugs))))and . Thinking of you today. Mixed emotions are hard to deal with, but guilt need not be one of them. x x x x

So sorry to hear of your loss Phoenix

I am so sorry for your loss Phoenix.

(((hugs))) phoenix. Was your mum ill? Was it expected or very sudden? Will you go to the funeral?

Be gentle with yourself and give it time. We are here if you need to talk. I hope you got some sleep.

So sad for you, Phoenix. But I reiterate what others have said: do not drown in guilt.
Mourn and then look back and write down what you know about your mother and her life, but in due course.
Hugs.

Phoenix I an sorry to hear that. As you have had a really tricky relationship with your mother I am sure it makes it feel even worse for you. Big ((((hugs))))

Sad for you Phoenix

A double whammy Phoenix. Sadness (for what might have been), guilt (for no reason), and anger (because now you'll never know). My cousin felt the same when her mother died last year. She too will now never know why her mother refused talk to her. We all tried to get to the bottom of it but I think, in the end, my aunt didn't know either. But she still wouldn't talk. (((Hugs)))

and hugs.

phoneix. So sorry to hear this. Emotional clarity often goes out the window at times like this. Take care

phoenix Your feelings are completely understandable, I felt the same for my dad who left when I was in my teens. You will be grieving for the relationship you should have had with your mum. Look after yourself and don't worry about how you feel.

A lot of wise words have already been said that I don't think I can add to other than your mixed feeling are very understandable.

I'm sorry for the loss of your mum

and {{hugs}}from me as well. You have come to the right place to unload a bit. There will be lots of helping hands reaching out.