Not sure how I feel yet.

from me too phoenix. Hope the daylight hours bring you some comfort, take care of yourself. Try not to worry about things you can do nothing about is something I'm always telling myself.

So sorry to hear this news, phoenix, of course you don't know how you feel, why would you? Please give yourself time, take all the support you can get from kind and loving people around you and maybe for now at least don't try to understand or focus on the recent past. Just be as you are. Sending and so many hugs.

Very sorry Phoenix but you've nothing to feel guilty about, just sad about what might have been and the relationship you two could have had, but for her behaviour.

Don't try too hard to make sense of this all, best to leave the pieces on the floor and move on

Completely understandable to not know how you feel. I'm sorry for your loss.

I am so sorry phoenix. You have obviously tried hard to make amends. You may in the fullness of time be able to forgive her for not doing her part to mend the rift. Try and focus on the good times you had together and the fact she fought so hard to keep you as a baby. Hope you find the funeral service helpful. Do you have any siblings?

Oh phoenix this is so hard. I think the mixed emotions are entirely understandable , it was not easy being a mother, even less so the daughter of a mother with what are currently known as "issues" but right now is not necessarily the time to unpick the tangles of that relationship. I send every sympathy not only for the loss of your mother but for the loss of the relationship during the years when she had stopped speaking to you.
I hope there are lots of shoulders among your family and close friends and that they are broad enough to help you through this hard time.

Big pyjama hug from me . You'll be mourning not having had the life with your Mum that you wanted , how sad I feel for you .{flowers}