Gransnet forums

Bereavement

Bereavement

(44 Posts)
Annray Sun 07-May-17 20:23:35

Anyone, stuck like me, cannot seem to move on, anyway after loosing my husband, of 48 yrs.

Tallulah57 Sun 07-May-17 20:33:36

flowersflowersflowers my heart goes out to you.

Luckygirl Sun 07-May-17 20:36:08

And me too - I wish I could help in some way - there are those on here who will be better able to support and advise you. I hope that you will find what you need here from kindly Gransnetters. flowers

thatbags Sun 07-May-17 20:36:53

flowers I'm sorry you are struggling with grief, annray. How long has it been since your husband died?

Annray Sun 07-May-17 20:49:33

It's 3years, but is still hard.

Annray Sun 07-May-17 20:51:20

Thank you for your kind comments, haven't, seen anyone all day. That's half the problem.

nanaK54 Sun 07-May-17 20:51:59

Annray flowers

Annray Sun 07-May-17 20:57:11

Thanks every one, just found this site, will be off now, good night to every one.
Speak soon, again I hope, I'm new to all this.

Christinefrance Sun 07-May-17 21:01:10

You were together such a long time Annray, it must be hard. Are there any support groups locally which could help. You have my sympathy flowers

Liz46 Sun 07-May-17 21:15:43

Annray, when I was living on my own I found Sundays were the worst so I used to go to a yoga class and then have a swim. Is there any chance you could do something like that?

jacksmum Sun 07-May-17 21:25:36

Annray , just wondering what area you live in ? maybe someone here is local to you and would love to go for a cup of tea somewhere local , xx

Grannyknot Sun 07-May-17 21:44:43

annray welcome to Gransnet.

I'm reading the book Grief Works by Julia Samuel. I bought it to learn how to help my sister who is mourning the loss of her son. The book is quite wonderful, and helped me to understand grief better. It is divided into sections that refer to losing children, siblings, partners, parents. Here's more about it, and the author:

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/mar/04/how-to-live-and-learn-from-great-loss-death

Perhaps it will help you.

Hm999 Mon 08-May-17 10:32:17

Really sorry Annray.
Part of the issue is the loneliness. I attacked this problem by getting a small dog. I live in a flat. I have to walk her, and lots of folk smile, other dogwalkers chat. Don't know if that helps. Good luck

Lilyflower Mon 08-May-17 10:34:23

48 years is an age and could not be got over easily. My heartfelt sympathies.

Molly2253 Mon 08-May-17 10:43:23

I too was widowed last year after 63 years of marriage and I too am finding the loneliness hard to bear....I now go to the theatre who show films on sundays have a glass of wine there ,gets me through the day.

IngeJones Mon 08-May-17 10:46:54

Maybe you don't need to move on as such, it may be that thinking you should "move on" is stopping you being satisfied with staying where you are with your life. You're surviving, right? Eating, sleeping, keeping house? So tell yourself you can stay right where you are, as a grieving widow, still missing her husband, but into that mix you can add a little more company as that seems to be something you do know you want. I don't know how old you are or how mobile you are, but you can join your local befriending service for elderly housebound people as a volunteer, which will give you regular contact with one or more other people. Or, if you're not up to that, you could join as a recipient of the befriending!

Tosh Mon 08-May-17 10:47:26

I lost my husband 2 yrs ago after being with him since I was 14 and he was 16. We married in 1969. when I was 21.
I too found Sundays the worst..even if I did see any family. Everything reminds me of just how much I miss him.
A few months ago I attended a Church with my friend ( as a one off !!!).... and it changed my life. I found peace with my inner turmoil and now I look forward to Sundays and all the new friends I have made.
I still miss Phil every minute of every day ...but cope better with my grief.

Bez1989 Mon 08-May-17 11:18:14

ANNRAY. ....I do hope you will join us on here and put down your thoughts and feelings. There are some Lovely Ladies on here who I'm sure can help you by their empathy and understanding.

I'm so pleased TOSH that you found some blessing from your attendance at a Church.
I hope it continues..

May God Bless all on this Forum who are grieving. sunshineflowerssunshine

Jaycee5 Mon 08-May-17 11:18:21

I don't think that 3 years is that long compared to 48 years. It took me longer than that just to get used to being retired.
Be patient with yourself and congratulate yourself on the small advances. That sounds clichéd and a bit patronising but unfortunately most things will do.
Make use of the internet to see what is available locally. I think it is more a case of adjusting that moving on really.

lovebeigecardigans1955 Mon 08-May-17 11:29:38

I was widowed after 30 years but had wonderful support from the MND Association and the hospice which is, I suppose the reason why I didn't have a nervous breakdown.
It's been over six years now and I still miss his presence but I have a quiet acceptance, he had a 'good death' I held his hand, he's not suffering now. I count my blessings - I can still talk, swallow, dress myself - things which were taken from dear hubby. It was heartbreaking.
I would say look out for the small compensations - you can do what you want when you want without having to run it past someone. Good memories, friends, a sunny day and hobbies like gardening or sewing, even something trivial like a cup of tea and a biscuit can be a small joy.

Solitaire Mon 08-May-17 11:48:36

Beigecardigan great post and such a positive outlook flowers

Sundancer123 Mon 08-May-17 11:49:20

It's 5 years for me and I find Sunday's difficult too. I have friends etc and try to keep busy, but the loneliness doesn't leave me.
Thank goodness for garden centres and Sunday opening in the shops.

I make myself go out and do find that helps change a kind set.
Sending cyber hugs to all those in the same boat.
💐

grannyqueenie Mon 08-May-17 11:58:43

Sorry that life is so hard for you Annray , there are no easy words to offer but folk here have made some positive suggestions. I hope too that just sharing your thoughts has made you feel less alone. There's such a pressure to move on, as others have said I think it's more about adjusting to a different kind of life than the one you had with your much loved husband. It will be different but can, in time, still be a good life for you although as I write that I realise that may not be how you feel right now. 3 years is the blink of an eye in comparison to all the years you shared together so it's no wonder you feel so low just now.
You did a brave thing posting on here about how life is for you on your own, I hope that same courage will help you as you go forward into life and maybe take up some of the ideas suggested here.
flowers flowers for all who are nursing a sad or lonely heart today after the loss of a loved one

Sheilasue Mon 08-May-17 12:16:40

It's not easy it takes time and sometimes you feel isolated and lonely, it comes over you suddenly. May be a piece of music, a meal you both enjoyed, some thing you both laughed about.
Having lost my son it has got easier he has been dad 10 years this September but it never goes away the sadness but you learn to cope.
He was very young your husband too.
Have you had counselling, it does help.

Rosina Mon 08-May-17 12:46:33

I can't imagine how hard this is for you, Anray, but I hope all these helpful kind ladies have given you food for thought, and you will know that you are not alone. xx