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death of an old friend

(37 Posts)
TriciaF Tue 01-Aug-17 18:20:35

I mean "old" as from the past.
I was really shocked to hear today (from DD1 who keeps in touch with everyone) that a close friend from our years in Hull has died. After a short battle with womb cancer.
I've just spoken with her husband , son, and daughter and their families. The daughter sounds just like her Mum, who I was so fond of.
They were long conversations, and among other things confirmed my thought that family peace and support are so important. Even though I know this family has had big problems in the past, as we all have had. They've stayed together.
RIP Judy.

Luckygirl Tue 01-Aug-17 18:26:17

Sad news for you - so sorry to hear this. It is a strange feeling when people from our past die.

nanaK54 Tue 01-Aug-17 19:06:13

I am sorry for your loss flowers

geeljay Tue 01-Aug-17 19:19:34

Just sorry for your loss of a good friend. R I P Judy

rosesarered Tue 01-Aug-17 20:51:22

It's always a shock when one of our friends die, isn't it? Sometimes we are expecting the bad news, and sometimes not.
TriciaF it's good that you had a conversation with the family, things like that can mean a lot to the bereaved.

TriciaF Tue 01-Aug-17 20:55:22

Thanks for the replies. We had some fun together (don't ask.)

varian Wed 02-Aug-17 03:55:25

We just heard that one of our old friends died two weeks ago and the funeral has already taken place. If we'd known sooner we might have tried to go although he lived about four hundred miles away.

We were really close in our teens/ early tweties and went to each others'weddings but then, because of moves around the country and abroad, hardly ever met whilst our families grew up. It was just an annual update on a Xmas card for many years. In the last twenty years or so we exchanged one or two visits but the last was eight years ago. In spite of this minimal contact we still felt he was a good friend and it is a shock to discover that he's gone. We must make more of an effort to get together with folk who've become just names on Xmas cards. Tempis fugit.

kazziecookie Wed 02-Aug-17 09:38:44

Last week my niece organised a hastily arranged 67th birthday party for one of my sisters who has terminal cancer. Although sad because of my sisters illness we had an absolutely fabulous time. My family are now spread over England and Wales and it was difficult for some to get there (I had to leave hubby at home as we have a guest house and it was a 3 train 7 hour journey) but it was so worth it.
It made me think how sad how we all lose contact and we should show more love whilst we can.
I am 61 on Monday and in the last few years have noticed so many friends and acquaintances passing and last year lost my lovely Sister-in-Law.
They say we are all living longer but I don't see much evidence of this.

Jojo243 Wed 02-Aug-17 09:48:42

So sorry for your loss. It is strange how some folks keep in touch and others drift apart. Despite being a senior I use Facebook and last year dis covered some old school chums from 50 years ago. My own family are the worst for keeping in you find that? One or two of us write regularly and I mean know pen..paper...stamps...but otherwise it's weddings christenings and funerals. As for funerals I like to think they are really for the living...those left don't worry if you didn't find out until later on...a card and letter even a year later often has a more profound impact on the bereaved as they have time to digest the sentiment expressed.? I mean not deliberately of course but because you just found out? Although remembering after the event is good too as so often a year on it's just another date except to you. I hope you enjoy the happy memories of your friend for years to come. That is their legacy. To this day I cannot make a cup of tea without thinking of my friend always telling me to boil the kettle with fresh water for every cup. A lasting memory that cascades many others. Love, Jo x

Rosina Wed 02-Aug-17 09:57:57

How sad; I'm sure your phone call meant a lot - so often people don't call or phone as they don't know what to say. From reading these posts it seems that many of us don't speak or write or email as much as we might with family and friends. A salutary lesson TriciaF; and enjoy the happy memories of your friend.

Sailingnana Wed 02-Aug-17 10:16:25

Hugs to you, death even when expected is always so shocking, live every day as they say x

Lupatria Wed 02-Aug-17 10:16:39

in the past four or five years i've lost too many friends. a few deaths were sort of expected [but still a shock] and some were a complete shock.
one or two of these friends were on facebook and we didn't meet up very often - but emailed regularly.
while i wasn't able to get to some of the funerals [distance was one factor] i still miss all of them.
however i suppose i'm now getting to the age when i should expect to be losing friends - not all have died on the dreaded big c [only three of them]. but the one which affected me the most was my best friend who flew off on holiday only to unfortunately collapse and die the following day very unexpectedly.

KatyK Wed 02-Aug-17 10:26:44

Sorry to hear this flowers

Imperfect27 Wed 02-Aug-17 10:52:49

Sorry to hear this flowers

radicalnan Wed 02-Aug-17 11:03:40

The loss of an old friend is the loss of a bit of one remembers me now when I was young and and fit. I have made other friendships but they only know me as a lump old woman.

I am glad you were able to speak to Judy's family they will want to talk about her and know how she was loved.

I am sorry for your loss.

TriciaF Wed 02-Aug-17 11:14:27

Such lovely replies - thanks to all smile

tigger Wed 02-Aug-17 11:23:44

The loss of an old friend earlier this year was a real body blow, we all thought he was indestructible and would see us all out. Didn't realise how much you value friendship until it's not thee any more.

downsized Wed 02-Aug-17 12:14:19

My condolences to all who have lost friends and loved ones. flowers

Rolande Wed 02-Aug-17 13:01:50

So sad to read this. Feel the same as Radicalnan. It's like the loss a bit of yourself. My friend of more than 50 years has Alzheimer and it breaks my heart every time I see her.. I'm loosing her "little by little" ;-)
I'm glad you had a chance to speak to her family a least

Diddy1 Wed 02-Aug-17 14:54:56

I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

callgirl1 Wed 02-Aug-17 16:31:58

So sorry TriciaF

dorsetpennt Wed 02-Aug-17 19:05:00

TriciaF losing an old friend is heart breaking . Two and half years ago a very,very dear friend died suddenly of a previously unknown heart disease. We met in 1984 , I was newly divorced with two small children and she had a son the same age as mine. As we were on our own we did an awful lot together with the children and each other. This carried on after our children were grown up. I was utterly bereft . I'm still not over it. Then another old friend died of cancer last month. It's something we must expect as we get older.

Theoddbird Wed 02-Aug-17 22:58:47

Her soul flies free x

maddy629 Thu 03-Aug-17 06:11:47

So sorry to hear this TriciaF flowers

M0nica Thu 03-Aug-17 21:23:13

I am sorry, but I think it is the age many of us has reached. I gather that, medically, all deaths before the age of 75 are classed as 'premature', but average life span is calculated using both the ages of those who die prematurely and those who live into their 90s and longer.

I have attended the funerals of quite a number of friends and cousins who have died 'prematurely', while having 2 of my aunts still living. Both in their 90s, both living entirely independently, fit and healthy in mind and body. Both have lost children, who died in their early 60s.

Perhaps this is a sign of the declining longevity we have been hearing about.