My beloved child

Thinking of you today Annie

Awful night, little sleep, will sleep today on sofa, become almost daily now. Thank you all.

Can't go to the town service for rememberence Sunday, other side of the bridge

Rest when you can Annie. You are in my thoughts.

Rest when you can Annie. You are in my thoughts.

Oops don’t know what I did there, sorry

That does pass Annie you will go through many stages of the grief process with so many tormented thoughts peace and acceptance although hard won will come ...one day at a time you are in my thoughts every day xxxx

Still in my thoughts Annie. One day at a time.

Is there anyone who could help you across the bridge?

Nothing and no one can help me over that bridge, I can't help it, I do not want to walk where she stood before she jumped, it's a narrow footpath , I cannot , she stood there alone at five in the morning , what were her thoughts, did she feel unloved, I don't know, I never, ever will. All I know is I want to hear her laughter , I want to hold her again , I never,ever will.

I’m so sorry Annie I didn’t mean to add to your distress.

Annie I understand that desparate longing and the "no go" area, and the questions in your mind that will never be answered, my heart goes out to you as you learn to live without your beautiful girl,any death of a child is hard to bear but when they take their own life the experience is so much harder for those left behind.

Also the anger at them as well as the rest of the world ...please dont hold it in please come here and share with us or PM me sending you virtual hugs it is such a surreal time and so public too in one way a comfort another a curse xxxxx

baubles, oh you didn't add to my distress my love, it was a sensible question and perhaps one day I will consider it, you were helping me and I thank you x

I'm so sorry Annie, I didn't grasp the significance of "the bridge" as an obstacle when you first touched on it, of course you wouldn't want to cross it. As always of late I always check your thread. Just sending love and best wishes and most of all a good night's sleep x

Dear Annie,I've only just dared open this thread. There are really no adequate words for this. I will light a candle for you and your daughter at the cathedral.

Terri, I am so sorry I didn't explain clearly about the bridge , there is one footpath to cross it,as it's only a few feet wide.. even driving over , the wall where she jumped can be seen clearly, I just cannot go near it. I cannot go to the funeral because I cannot cross that bridge. I know I am being stupid but it would be too much to bear .i just want to stay in my bungalow and shut the world out. Sorry all x

I have no doubt at all that she knew she was loved. Your love for her has always shined through your posts. I known that when you are severely depressed you cannot process the idea that you are loved, because all seems black - but somewhere in the background is this germ of an idea that love is there for you.

Please try not to miss the funeral - you have put so much into it; and this is your chance to see your dear girl honoured as she deserves. Would your friend and priest pick you up and take you a different way round?

Such hard times for you just now; but so much care and warmth on here that I hope will help to lift you as each day passes.

You can not even consider or think of the bridge or crossing it. Not for a long time. Don’t worry about trying to attempt it. Think of living without the need to do so. Is there a way around? Even a long drive.

Also, your DD will know you loved her, but the Blackness was too big. Never doubt that she knew how much you cared.

Sorry Luckygirl I’ve echo’d you but not so well put!

(Annie what have you had for breakfast?!)

Oh Annie so very sorry I can quite see how you would find the bridge insurmountable, is it your only route into town and church or is there a long way round? I'm sure wanting to shut the world away and hunker down in your home is a very natural reaction to heartbreak. I wish you could have some therapy, someone who could hold your hand and talk you through this understandable no go area. In the meantime can we all offer you a virtual hand holding if that helps. x

I must get myself together. Many have written to me or phoned me, they didn't know her as a child or her early teens, they speak of the woman , I am remembering my child , does this make sense ?

I’ve also been hoping there is another route other than over that bridge annie. Of course you must do what is right for you but I wonder if it might be harder to have missed your beloved daughters funeral. Your good friend and priest might be able to arrange transport if it’s possible to go another way round. I’ve been reluctant to voice these thoughts in case they add to the pressure you are under. If so, my apologies annie. I would never wish to cause distress. To go back to your post, you most definitely are not being stupid, please never think that. You are in the shock of early grief. Your reactions are more than understandable. Once more sending love, just wish I could do more.

Oh Annie I can feel your heartbreak and just wish there was something to ease it. You need comfort and TLC like never before.

I really hope a way can be found for you to go to the funeral - it just may help you a little. There must be a way across the river even if it is a long way round? Please ask one of your friends - the priest maybe - if they can take you. You will regret it if you don't. My DH could not go to his Mum's funeral 57 years ago and it still causes him pain now.

I think of you every day and hope you have managed some rest. Pray God you will find some peace.

Annie it’s so sad to read how you feel you can’t go to the funeral. Many practical suggestions have been offered. There will be another bridge further up or down river, one that won’t recall this awful tragedy. Perhaps the priest, your friend, or someone else you are close to, could arrange this. People are always happy to rally round and I’m sure you will have several offers. Your reluctance will be understood too. The funeral car surely wouldn’t mind a detour, even if it’s a long one? Even if you don’t organise this yourself, just tell someone and they will do it for you. I feel in time to come you will be glad that you laid your daughter to rest. Not to do so would just perpetuate your sadness. Love and compassion dear Anniebach.

Annie, I have no words, just my prayers for you. God bless, and may He bring you the peace you so deserve x