Should I go ?

You might like to go for your friend. I'd send a card to your friend and to his family. I'm there is no need to send flowers unless you'd like to give some to your friend later.

I have a bit of a similar dilemma with my sister in law's mother who is fading in hospital. I will go for sil and DN but not sure what else to do apart from sending cards.

I'm a big believer in sending cards to show you are thinking of someone who is rather more remotely connected.

Would your best mate welcome your support?

My friend is married, has her mum and children who would all be there; supporting each other. I just feel a bit unsure. I wouldn't want to be in the way or feel out of place. But at the same time I want to show that I do care. I'm such a worrier; just nervous about the idea of doing the wrong thing.

Speaking personally, I was touched by people who attended my relatives funeral when they didn't know her too well. I knew they were there to support me.

You could go to the service but not the reception?

I certainly have appreciated the presence of friends at family funerals and so in this situation I would go to the Church/Crematorium. While I wouldn’t send flowers I would add a little to a charity donation if that was the expressed preference. As kitty says a card to show you are aware and are thinking of your friend and her family is very appropriate. Go with your heart and don’t worry too much.

Your ‘best mate’s’ brother. Of course you should go.

I agree with OldMeg.

Yes!. How stupid of me? Of course I should go........thanks everyone for all your words of wisdom. ?

Not stupid at all. Just in a bit of a tizzy! ?

She will never forget you were there to support her. My experience of family funerals is that even if the nearest and dearest are very upset on the day and don't seem to be, "taking everything in," they are always told later by others who was there for them. It does bring enormous comfort.

I too think you should go. I have done something similar and know that it was appreciated.

My father taught me that if you want to go, feel you should go, then you go. However we have had a couple of instances in the last year where Friends have chosen to have a very small, close relatives only funeral and have asked us not to attend. I would suggest asking your friend if she would like you there.

Unless it's a private funeral, it's a no-brainer. You should go to show support to your friend. Even if you had never met him, this was your friend's brother and she will need you. And definitely a card too.

Everybody loves a wedding and will always go if a best friend invites them, but you really show how much you care for your friends by being there when they are unhappy.

She is your best mate, her brother has died. Go to the funeral.

Why would you not go? She will know that you are there and appreciate that you took time to mark the death of her brother, even if you don't have the opportunity to speak to her.

No I don't think it's hypocritical for you to attend. My close friend's brother may not be here much longer. I've only met him a couple of times but if the worst happens I will go to the funeral to support her. She has DH and DD but that's all and her brother was a loner so very small funeral.
I feel it will show I care that she is grieving. Just my personal feelings.

I would certainly go and pay my respects as this man has been part of your childhood memories.
I am going to a funeral next week for an old neighbour who lived opposite us for 20+ yrs with her family her girls where friends with my two eldest,we where not very close but she was always cheerful and there if you needed her so I feel I should go and remember those happy family days yrs ago.

Funerals are nothing to do with the dead person but are about the living. Your friend will feel comforted that you went even if she doesn't say so.

I would go,not for the person who has died but for my friend.

I agree paddyann it is a huge comfort when friends support at a funeral. I was hugely touched by some of DDs’ friends coming to Paw’s funeral from London and further afield, not to mention friends we had not seen for over 25 years.
I was similarly hurt when somebody who has known us since university 50+ years ago, and coincidentally lives only 3 miles away, excused herself by saying she and her OH were “both tied up, doing different things that morning”.
Not sure the “friendship” can come back from that.
So listen to your heart, and go.

I would say it's important to show support for your best friend.
But I know there are different attitudes to attending funerals in different parts of the country and in different faiths.

My son died unexpectedly recently and I was really touched by all my friends who came to the funeral to support me. A few had never even met him. I think you should go.

Look at it this way - would you have liked him to turn up if it was your funeral?

If you can make it, I agree that you should go. It's up to you if you go along to the wake, that will come out in conversation after the ceremony.