Forgive me yet again

Thank you all , every post has made feel I am not so alone x

Thank you .luckygirl, rather indulgent of me but it helped . I must get use to things which suddenly upsets me , I was sorting through a pile of cross stitching today, came across one i stitched of the All Our .yesterday collection, two little Victorian girls paddling in the sea, I stitched it because it reminded me of my girls paddling when small, upset my girl will never see it but these are thing I have to get use to.

I am so grateful for all the kindness here, those statements were so distressing x

It is lovely to hear your happy memories Annie.

Dear Annie, what a hard burden you have to bear. Please don’t apologise for needing to share it with friends on here. I hope you can see that no one minds and that folk want to support you through these tough times.
You’re trying to do the very best you can for your grandchildren and cope with your own sadness too. I’m sure they will bless you for your thoughtfulness in the years to come.
I read an article a few weeks ago and of course cannot lay my hand on it now. It was by a young woman who had felt so angry about her father, who took his life when she was a child, she felt he’d abandoned her and questioned his love for her. Someone supporting her suggested that he did love her and had never wanted to leave her for good but at that moment in time was just too unwell to be able carry on living.
Thinking of you xx

Just remember that you are and never have to feel alone and sad. You have been through so much heartache Annie. We are all here for you x

Thank you so much, I really hit a low last night , I am so grateful for so much kindness and understanding x

My love and prayers for you dear Annie x

And all my love as well Annie, I`m in tears reading your posts.

Sending all my love Annie ?

I echo the last comments

I'm in tears too Annie. As everyone has said to you - we are all with you and with everyone else who is coping with loss.

I am in tears Annie and it takes a lot to do that.
We will always be here for you to rant, vent, weep with.
I hope your faith is sustaining you and your church members are helping you xx

MOnica , I will do that thank you. She couldn't live in that dark place any longer , she left four messages in the living room wall.

I can't fight it any longer I'm too tired

The childrens names followed by - I have loved you since the moment I conceived and always loved Dad.

To her sister - please take care of my dogs,

I love you Mum

Dear Annie my thoughts and prayers are with you x

What a wonderful mother and grandmother you are Annie
After all you have been through, you are supporting and giving comfort to your family.
God bless you
I hope you get the answers to the questions that are whizzing around in your head.
They may not be easy to hear but hopefully will bring some understanding.

Thank you for sharing some of your lovely memories.
They made me smile.
It is a reminder to us all that making and sharing happy memories with loved ones is so important.
As that is what lives on after we have departed this earth

I wish you strength and pray you will find peace xxxx

I think writing down all the happy memories you have of her will be a wonderful thing to do, both for you and for her children (and for future generations too) to remember her as she was before the illness took over.

I am writing my memories of my daughter for her children, sadly their memories are of her when she was ill, her son, the eldest has said - I remember her when she was fun. The girls were only eleven and eight when the illness started and thirteen and eleven when she was self medicating and left the family home , I so want them to know her when she was well, I tell them how she loved them and left because she didn't want to cause them more hurt , she adored them even through the dark days . I understand they find anger easier to live with than emotional pain, they are happy, well adjusted young adults, but come the time I am not with them and they have children I want them to know the real person not the illness . They know their father never stopped loving her .

Annie, speak to the police about contacting the man who helped your daughter. After the inquest for my sister, I was able to write a letter to the man driving the lorry that hit her, He had done nothing wrong, just found himself in a situation where he couldn't see her until too late. I did it through the Coroner and sent the letter in an unsealed envelope, so that they could check the text so that they knew it was not abusive and they put the address on.

That your DD had those photos with her that reminded her of all those she loved and who loved her, means she knew you cared. I do not know her history, but, surely what brought her to her death was the inner pain caused by her illness, not rejection by the family.

One sometimes reads of people who have terrible physical diseases committing suicide. Usually the notes they leave says they do it because their physical sufferings are so bad and they can bear no more and that they want to spare their family from seeing them suffer. They do it for love of their families that love them. Is there much difference between them and your daughter? When people are in great pain, they do not always see that those that love them look at it differently.

Be glad your daughter had those photos they show she knew how much she was loved.

Annie - my thoughts are with you. It must be distressing to read all these details. I'm sure it would help you to write to the man who helped, even if the Police don't give you his contact details, you can write via them. Hopefully things will ease slightly once the inquest is over.

Annie I cannot possibly imagine how you feel, but just want you to know you are among friends here, and please feel free to offload here, any time, day or night, there will always be one of us 'on duty'. You are remembering special memories from your wonderful daughter, and also from the wonderful childhood you gave her, share them with your grandchildren, tell them how their Mother was, how quirky, affectionate, inquisitive, keep her alive with these stories. Sending love xx

Oh Annie I didn't know about your daughter,I can't begin to know your pain and heartbreak,I can't offer any advice...I just want to send you love and know that All of us,your GN 'family'....care.
Hugs to you Annie?

And this was her life with a mum like you, Annie. Every memory you have, so she had too, and that is a beautiful gift to have given her.

One more and then I will shut up, my darling daughter went with the stamp collecting club to an exhibition in London, she got grabbed by a police officer, she climbed over a rope and was happily taking photographs of a sheet of Penny Blacks, the officer lifted her back over the cordon gave her and the teacher a ticking off, she said - but i wanted my Mum to see them . Every school trip she would seek out a kiosk, phone me to say - love you , and rung off, I had visions of her missing the coach every time she did it ?

Both girls went on a barge holiday with the church youth group, phone rings- Mum I am in hospital a bridge hit me, rung off. I panicked , priests wife phoned, assured me my girl was alright, she stood up on the barge As it was entering under the bridge to see how much head room there was .

This was life with my beautiful girl , ?

What a lovely memory! How great to have an "irresponsible" Mum!!!!

My sisters believed their husbands came first and their children fitted in with that. They love their children though.

I suppose I didn't have to think about a husband but admit if he had lived the girls would still have come first, he and I thought the same. My sisters took their children sledging but didn't do sledging , I did ? One January my elder daughter asked - what's the sea like in winter , next day we packed a picnic, I drove to Pembrokeshire and we picnicked on the beach , boots, scarves and hats , saw lightening flashing across the sea, fantastic and their eyes were almost on stalks, one sister told my parents I was irresponsible!

Not even her death can take memories away can it