Gransnet forums

Bereavement

Forgive me yet again

(165 Posts)
Anniebach Mon 15-Jan-18 20:33:11

I so need to talk.

We applied for disclose of statements from the coroner before the inquest into the death of my beloved daughter. They arrived today, I have been dreading them every day .

I don't understand the toxicology report. Mils in a litre of blood etc,

A man tried to save her , he gave his phone to a woman who was on the bridge to ring the police whilst he tried to talk to my daughter. I would like to thank him , who ever he is, I have his name, would this be the wrong thing to do?

I am so distressed because she took some photographs with her to the bridge, the report gave a full description of them and I know which they are .

One of her three children.

Her and her husband on their wedding day.

One black and white of three adults and a baby, I know this was her christening, I took a photograph of her, her darling daddy, her paternal grandfather and paternal great grandmother ,

One black and white of a female sitting on a sofa , arms around two little girls, one on each side, me and my daughters, my husband took it. We were so happy.

Why am I saying all this? Not for sympathy, because I am devasted and so turn to you yet again, so sorry,

Annie x

midgey Mon 15-Jan-18 20:35:10

Oh Annie there are no words that can help but I think of you often.flowers

Baggs Mon 15-Jan-18 20:44:09

I am imagining you imagining those photographs that you knew so well, Annie. All those loving moments will wrench your heart. Your daughter was remembering them too, I think, even through her pain and distress.

Marydoll Mon 15-Jan-18 20:44:27

Annie I always think of you. You know that so many people here care about you.

Bathsheba Mon 15-Jan-18 20:48:09

Annie, this is so distressing for you. Those photos, the memories they represented, were clearly so important to your daughter. She knew she was loved. I think of you such a lot flowers

Bathsheba Mon 15-Jan-18 20:49:54

And there's nothing to forgive you for x

MissAdventure Mon 15-Jan-18 20:51:03

I would want to thank the man who showed your daughter such kindness, Annie. I presume it wouldn't be prohibited in any way? I can't begin to imagine how it must hurt to have the details laid out in writing. I'm at a loss, really, to know what to say.. as per usual. X

debohunXL5 Mon 15-Jan-18 20:58:26

I don't know the ins and outs but reading between the lines I so feel for you x

BBbevan Mon 15-Jan-18 21:11:43

I think everyone on here thinks of you a lot Annie Nothing to forgive .

chelseababy Mon 15-Jan-18 21:15:12

Nothing to forgive.

cornergran Mon 15-Jan-18 21:25:18

Of course there’s nothing to forgive annie. You needed to share this, there’s no doubt your daughter knew she was loved. It sounds a natural, human instinct to want to thank the man who tried to help your daughter, trust your heart. Sending love x

Luckylegs9 Mon 15-Jan-18 21:26:37

Annie, your grief is so raw, your beloved daughter wanted the photos of all those people she loved and made her happy. I cannot advise you whether to contact the man who tried so hard to save your daughter, but perhaps it might be better to wait a little time before you do anything. If you want to discuss things you don't understand about the statement, ask those that issued it. I wish there was a way to ease your pain. You are in my thoughts. God bless you.

Alygran Mon 15-Jan-18 21:28:27

Annie my heart goes out to you. Nothing to forgive. Sending a virtual hug and flowers

Marelli Mon 15-Jan-18 21:29:41

Those photos were of her loving and loved family, Anniebach. To have them with her may have comforted her greatly and perhaps in time to come, you may feel this way, too.
Please, always know that you can talk to us here.
Xx

BlueBelle Mon 15-Jan-18 21:36:29

Annie everyone needs to find whatever way they can to deal with these deverststing events and if talking can help even a fraction keep talking my love
I think it would be lovely to acknowledge the man who tried to help your daughter, he was the conduit, and it may give you and him a tiny crimb of comfort to connect
By having the photographs she had with her the people that meant the most to her in her last moments she was with you all, she was not alone
Xx

Anniebach Mon 15-Jan-18 21:39:54

Her second born , her elder daughter is 21 tomorrow , all a bit much to accept really. Been thinking when she was in labour in the hospital with this daughter she said - I want my mother she always takes my pain away , her husband said - but that's when you have migraines not a baby, she got rather cross and said - you have never had a migraine or a baby I want my mother .

Charleygirl Mon 15-Jan-18 21:43:42

Annie as others have said, it is all so raw and this has opened it up again. My heart goes out to you.

gillybob Mon 15-Jan-18 21:44:13

As others have said there is absolutely nothing whatsoever for you to be forgiven for Annie You are grieving for your daughter and I cannot begin to imagine how you are getting through every day.

Maybe your daughter took the photos to the bridge to help her remember the good times, the happiest times of her life, before things changed . Might the kind man who tried to save her be able to give you a little peace of mind if you spoke to him? Maybe in time when you are feeling a little stronger you could contact the man and ask the questions that might be playing on your mind, or maybe just thank him for being there. I don’t know. Sorry for rambling .
Thinking of you Annie xx

lemongrove Mon 15-Jan-18 21:46:49

We are always here in Gransnet for you to talk Annie sometimes just the simple act of typing out your thoughts can help.
The police should be able to tell you the name and address of the man who tried to help your DD and it must be a comfort to know that a kind stranger did try to help, and that your DD was not alone at that moment in time. X

Matriark Mon 15-Jan-18 21:52:49

Thinking of you Annie. It must be a little comfort to you knowing that those photos will have brought her thoughts of love. I don’t know how you can deal with this in any other way - you just have to get through each day, and you are so strong. My kindest thoughts and virtual hugs go out to you x

ffinnochio Mon 15-Jan-18 22:14:49

So sorry for your pain, Annie. Your daughter held you all close to her heart. 🥀

Niobe Mon 15-Jan-18 22:25:07

Annie, your daughter was loved by , and loved, you all. She was not alone at the end and is at peace now. You have nothing to apologise for , you are a mother in grief and we all wrap our virtual arms around you.

Anniebach Mon 15-Jan-18 22:25:11

I don't understand why she was on so much medication , I know she was on the same for quite a long time but didn't know what

Luckygirl Mon 15-Jan-18 22:34:03

I am sure that those photos brought her comfort and memories of good times and a loving home.

Annie I think your instinct to thank the man who tried to help her is a good one. It may also help him, as I am sure he feels distressed at his inability to save her. To know that you understand, are grateful for his efforts and do not place any blame on him for what he may see as his failure could be enormously helpful to him

Can you talk to her medical advisors about the medication? I am sure they will understand why you feel the need to have this information.

We are all thinking of you - flowers

Anniebach Mon 15-Jan-18 22:34:11

Diazapan. Nor diazapan. Paroxetine. Paracetamol.