My Wife Died

I’m so sorry for the loss of your wife and the loss of your old life caring for your wife. That’s so hard for you. To be truthful, your sons sound like they have been wrapped up with their own lives and families for a long time and realistically they aren’t going to change in my opinion. And frankly I think you have little of anything else to think about beyond this, resulting in this increasingly angry person today. I’m going to suggest that you write it all down, your hurt and bitterness until you can reach empty and forgiveness, and then burn the letter. Every scrap. Watch it burn and let it go. Forgive them and release yourself.
Next, and ideally alongside, is to get out and meet new people. Volunteer at a charity shop, join U3A, join a local lunch club, take up a new hobby that you didn’t have a chance to do with your caring duties, act as a befriender or a sitter for other carers. In other words please try and get out every day with people. Lastly make an effort to see your grandkids every few weeks at least. You can have a fun, rewarding and lasting relationship with them if you make the effort and then just accept that your sons as they are, not what you wish them to be. I wish you all the luck in this new world and accept changes are hard but anything worthwhile always is.

So sorry, Peewww it's early days so you'll still be going through the process of mourning - which takes time. Don't rush any decisions. If your relations with your children weren't close before then it's sad but it looks like they won't change now. IME sons seem take on their wives' families and forget about their own.
I'm sure you've learned to become self-reliant over the years and this will stand you in good stead. Have you thought of volunteering for any charities? This can help to get you out of the house and meeting new people - when you're ready. All best wishes.

Good advice from pamhill4

Non of us know what kind of relationship you had with your sons previously.

One thing that strikes me (and forgive me if I am wrong) is that you 'expected' certain things. Ideally, yes! Realistically people rarely behave to any kind of order or expectations.

Please don't let this fester. Keep yourself busy with other things. As you were a carer for so long you have probably forgotten what your interests are? Join as much as you can. Get involved in your community. Fill your time so much that you haven't time to dwell on how you bad you feel your sons have been. Eventually you will have so much going for you and realise you are actually enjoying this new life. Doesn't mean you won't miss your wife or forget; its just the next chapter in your life.

I wish you the best of everything. You sound like a lovely caring man. Don't let bitterness spoil it.

So sorry to hear your story and offer my sincere condolences on your loss. I am not very good at giving advice but I have read all the above from the wise people on this site and trust that it will help you. I lost my DH in February and have gained much comfort from these threads. My best wishes that you will find peace.