How do you cope

Guilt and bereavement go hand in hand ,unfortunately nobody can tell us when in the cycle it will hit,but it will.Nothing anyone says will help,it will have to come from you when the time is right.I know I lived with awful guilt for years after my baby died at 4 days old.Doctors told me it wasn't anyones fault but it took time for me to believe them and come to terms with what had happened .You will get there ,it just takes time .Try not to think of the bad times and put happy memories in their place and remember that he loved you and wouldn't want you to feel this way .I hope it eases for you and that you can find something else to focus on and that will give you some peace .

Dear Totally Lost so sorry to hear how you feel. There is nothing wrong with being so grief stricken. I am sure you are a kind and thoughtful person yourself and it sounds as if you have gone through a really awful time and taking blame on yourself.
Do you have any family or friends to talk to? Is there a bereavement group nearby that you can get in contact with?
Please try to talk to someone or your doctor.
There are others here on this forum who have gone through lots of what you are experiencing.
Be gentle on yourself I am sure that is what you DH would have wanted.

I'm so sorry totallylost, such a hard place to be. Each day must be such a struggle. I can only agree with others, please do consider Cruse, no worries there about outing yourself and someone to share your thoughts and feelings with. Please don't be afraid of judgement, you will be accepted just as you are.

Luckygirl is right, guilt seems to be a part of bereavement for the majority of people if not all. Its easy to look back and think what we didn't do, if you can please look back and remember what you were able to do. Caring for someone is exhausting physically and mentally and you are allowed human reactions.

I do understand your worry about outing yourself but please do come back and let people here support you as much as is possible. You don't have to give details, no one will ask.

I am so sorry that you are overwhelmed with these feelings at the moment, and hope that you might be able to take up the suggestion of contacting Cruse - you need someone to walk beside you at the moment.

We all feel guilty when someone dies, because none of us are perfect and cannot always think or feel the things that we wish we could have done.

Please come back on here whenever you want - there are many here who have walked this path before you or are struggling with the same emotions and can help.

I'm very sorry for your loss. What you are describing is absolute grief at the moment and it's very hard to bear. Guilt is usually felt over something that we regret even if it wasn't our fault. Good people feel guilt because they care and these feelings are a huge part of grief. Would you consider contacting Cruse in your area and speaking to someone? They are a nationwide charity for bereavement counselling and support so hopefully there is a branch quite near you . I volunteered for them for many years. Caring for someone is exhausting and I'm sure you did the very best you could . Be kind to yourself and take things slowly 15 months is not very long at all.

Sorry for your loss, I didn't want to 'read and run'