Lost baby

I grieved with my DS and DIL when they lost their second, very much wanted child. I was the only person in the extended family who had experienced a miscarriage, mine was at 16 weeks and 5 days.
I tried to reassure DIL that she had been pregnant before and it would happen again but she said she feared she was running out of time being in her late thirties. She got pregnant five months later and she had a perfect baby at full term.

You are not being silly, it is a perfectly natural response.

I too would say it's a normal and natural response, of course it is. It's not something that you ever forget and neither should you as it was a life that had just begun but sadly didn't finish the journey. It's still a bereavement.

I agree with Gabriella it's not helpful to dwell on what might have been.
I had 3 miscarriages, at 6 months, 4 months and 3 months. With lots of medical support I went on to have 3 very healthy babies and never grieve over those I lost.
I wouldn't have the fab children and gandchildren I have now, had the first 3 survived.

But you might have done Solitaire!

I’m amazed at how comforted I feel due to all your kind words. Thank you all so much.
Of course I am filled with love for the new baby and determined to spoil him in exactly the same way I been spoiling the others for the last thirteen years.
And I do now feel much more able to talk about it, move forward and welcome my new grandson when he arrives.

GillT57
Do I care? Not at all.
I asked GN to remove one post from here which was on the wrong thread, which I explained.
I'm not interested in drowning people in sympathy, I'm a realist and, while some might bemoan the loss as mentioned by the OP, my view was/is that it could be viewed as a blessing in disguise, especially as neither parent had made plans for 1 never mind 2 children.
It's possibly a trauma for the mother but not really for the mother of the boyfriend who she wasn't in an LTR with...IMO.
I'm not dissing the vast majority who are relating their own stories along similar lines and writing sympathetic messages. I mean, sympathy for the mother of a man who's got (an)other child(ren) and who has fathered another to someone with whom he's not in a serious relationship?
I thought that I would bring some levity to the thread.
Thanks for your input but you are not the OP and the OP has not questioned my comment.

Wow!
If you don’t care and aren’t interested why are you posting?
Levity? I suggest you go take a look in the dictionary for the meaning of this word.
You are, of course, entitled to your opinion and I’m entitled to mine. I wonder what happened to you to make you so...... acidic. Happy Christmas!

Well said Mumsyface. Glad you’re feeling comforted. Enjoy the new baby ? smile

Mumsyface
THAT comment at 21:19 was to GillT57 not to you. Ok?

Initially, you asked a question. I gave my answer. If you are not prepared to hear from both sides of the divide, this may be the wrong platform.
There are numerous sympathetic messages and numerous stories of their own losses by other GNers. I have not dissed them and I don't expect my views to be dissed either.
IMO it's like someone saying that I can say anything I like, as long as it's what they want to hear.

A lot of als on here.

Is this an example of “trolling”?
This no longer feels like a safe place to be. So, thanks to all of those who offered kind words I’m out of here now.

this christmas i would light a candle for the unborn child.. a life is a life whether born or not. no you not being silly.i havent experienced this .but i do care for the children un -born. they are at peace.

I'm sure there's a better word than diss.

annep
Agreed, however, as the people posting on here are many and varied and in countries other than the UK, I deemed it a well enough known word for it to be understood by all.
At least it was the correct spelling unlike some comments where I have posted corrections and been roundly castigated for doing so

Strangely I sort of agree with GG I've had losses from 7 weeks and I can honestly say the earlier the loss was the shorter the grief.I'm not for one minute saying I forgot them and I could give you the dates of both the miscarriage and the due date if asked but I do think the modern way of dwelling on it isn't helpful.There has to come a time when you come to terms with an early loss and move forward.
Thats more difficult the further on in the pregnancy you are and I freely admit I still grieve for the baby lost 4 days after her birth...42 years later .I dont grieve in the same way for her twin lost at 11 weeks or for the other babies lost before 12 weeks either .
I do hope the OP's new GC is born safely and is healthy with a long and happy life ahead and thats probably what she should be thinking of and not dwelling on what could have been .

Sorry GG very rude of me. It just doesn't sound like a real word. I had to look it up to check the meaning.

Harsh GabriellaG.

Mumsyface, I have one wonderful grandchild and my son & dil are desperate for a sibling. There have been four miscarriages in the past two years. They’ve all been very early stage with the latest one at 3/4 months being very traumatic. I think feeling a sense of grief and loss is natural. I know for me it was as if I was totally empathising with their own feelings,along with feeling personal loss but we support and love them and I know it will happen one day.

mumsyface you have to realise that GG's consistently unpleasant posts are far from typical of the average post on this site. The supportive posts are far closer to the norm.
I suggest you try reading a few different threads and weigh up what you think.

Mcem, thank you. I have noticed this on other threads as well.

I am so glad that people talk about this these days. I am sure it helps a lot of people and I believe there is a charity for those who have miscarried and a place where you can put a memorial.

When I suffered with miscarriages and a dead twin some felt it shouldn't be talked about and my own mother blamed me.

I haven't experienced this loss as a grandparent but I think I understand it. All these years later and I still sometimes cry when I hear something on the radio which reminds me. I think you should allow yourself to grieve and be open to letting family talk about it if they want to but not to push it if they don't. Big hug.

mummyface you are not being silly at all. Grief is grief and people deal with it in different ways. My youngest daughter had a miscarriage at four months, it was dreadful, I got the call at work to go to the hospital, her dad was already there when I arrived. It was awful. She went on to have more children eventually, but that baby is never forgotten.