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Bereavement

One week

(146 Posts)
notoveryet Sun 10-Mar-19 07:17:07

A week ago my beloved husband died. He had a year longer than we had been expecting but it's still hard to say goodbye. He requested no funeral but we are going to have a celebration of his life with family and friends. I'm keeping going with the help of my two beautiful dogs who mean I have to get up and function. I've already had people tell me to get rid of them in case i can't cope (they're big and need lots of exercise) but they are going nowhere. Sometimes folk don't know what to say and that's fine but this sort of advice is hurtful.

Marycat2 Sun 10-Mar-19 11:09:51

So sorrt for your losss..
From experience keep both dogs if possable you wil fiind them a comfort animals do sense owners moods when I suffered a loss my 2 cats neither of whom were lap cats suddenly wouldnt peave my side for about 3 months.
Take care

Gagagran Sun 10-Mar-19 11:04:11

It's all been said above but I am sending you sincere condolences and best wishes for strength to cope. You are a brave lady and GN is always here to give support and encouragement if you need it. flowers

Nanny41 Sun 10-Mar-19 11:02:14

My deepest sympathy to you.Your lovely dogs will keep you going.Take care of yourself,sending hugs to you and your dogs.

Kerenhappuch Sun 10-Mar-19 10:58:24

I'm not a dog owner, but my impression from my friends who are, is that they can bring enormous joy into your life. It's completely crass to suggest you get rid of them as well as none of anyone else's business!

It's still very early days, and you must feel shell shocked, I'm sure there are plenty of sensible and kind people around you who will be more helpful than the ones who are suggesting giving up your 'emotional support dogs'!!!!!!

Lindylou57 Sun 10-Mar-19 10:58:14

My deepest condolences to you. Make no big decisions now, wait and see how things feel further down the line. Stay strong and take care of you.

Caro57 Sun 10-Mar-19 10:56:46

I am so sorry for your loss. You have and will have so much adjusting ahead - don't change anything in a hurry, you may regret your decision. Yes - your dogs may be hard work but they will give you much comfort and they, too, will be grieving; you are their family.
As and when the time is right - for you - you may find some professional support helpful.
Grieving takes as long as it takes - allow yourself to 'go with the flow' each day.

Legs55 Sun 10-Mar-19 10:48:12

I agree with others, do keep the dogs, they give you love & a reason to carry on. I was widowed 6 years ago, my DH had Terminal Cancer but died sooner than expected, I knew I would have to downsize & move closer to DD but I said "no decisions will be made for about a year".

You need to grieve & find your feet without your DH before making any life changing decisions. So sorry for your loss & ignore the insensitive comments. flowers

Annaram1 Sun 10-Mar-19 10:47:27

I am so sorry for your sad loss notover. I lost my husband nearly 3 years ago after his lengthy illness and descent into dementia. I grieved and still do for the loving man he was before his illness, After all this time I am recovering but I made some very stupid decisions at the time which I am still regretting, such as gambling on foreign exchange on borrowed money. Still paying it off. All to stop just sitting in a corner...
I wish you and your family well. Would love to have a little dog these days. They are such a comfort.

Jaycee5 Sun 10-Mar-19 10:46:31

Frankly, I think you should give people who tell you to get rid of your dogs pretty short shrift. What a ridiculous thing to say.
It seems to be human nature to want to fix things and so people make stupid suggestions. They mean well but they are being ridiculous. As CarlyD7 says, just tell people that you don't need solutions just a bit of support and company occasionally.
I am sorry that you are having to deal with this loss and of course the last thing you need is another loss. Even if they did get difficult to cope with, you can always pay a dog minder and helper.

Smiley4 Sun 10-Mar-19 10:44:50

So so sorry for your loss.
Your dogs love you. They will miss him too. you will be helping each other. So you keep them near you.

Sometimes people say the stupidest things in times of bereavement. We could all write a list on here. You just do what feels right for you. God bless. Xx

Teetime Sun 10-Mar-19 10:39:19

notoveryet please accept my sincere condolences. I hope you dogs give you comfort and company for a very long time. flowers

fran1311 Sun 10-Mar-19 10:37:18

I lost my husband five years ago and like you I had two dogs. They were a comfort and having to walk them made me go out otherwise I might have been tempted to draw the curtains and grieve. Of course walking them I met up with other dog walkers most of whom I knew and everyone was so kind.
It takes a good two years I would say before everything gets back into a routine. Paying bills etc which my husband always took care of. I would advise you don't make any rushed decisions about anything. Give yourself time until you can think clearly. I started joining in with things going on around me and things gradually get better. Love and hugs.

anitamp1 Sun 10-Mar-19 10:36:47

I'm so sorry for your loss. I cant imagine how lost you must feel. People really should be offering comfort and support but not advice at this very early stage of your grieving. They should certainly not be giving you drastic advice like getting rid of your dogs, who I imagine have been a big part of your lives together. However, I don't think people mean to be unkind, but are just thoughtless. Hope you find a way through your heartbreak with the help of those who matter to you.

jaylucy Sun 10-Mar-19 10:35:40

So so sorry to hear about your husband.
It's very early days and there are several parts of grieving to get through yet I'm afraid.
The main thing is, give yourself time. There is no time limit on how long you grieve or even how you grieve, but your dogs will help you through - even if only to make you get up each day, and they will take care of you too. It will be your decision and no one elses as to whether you keep them or not as they are and were part of you and your husband's life together.

ddraig123 Sun 10-Mar-19 10:35:22

Rather than getting rid of your dogs, if I was you I'd be sorely tempted to get rid of the people who suggested this to you instead!

farview Sun 10-Mar-19 10:33:51

...simply sending you a hug and caring thoughts ?

Pastel Sun 10-Mar-19 10:33:19

I am so sorry for you. My husband died recently and whatever the circumstances it is so hard . DON’T take any notice of those people who make stupid comments about your dogs. My beloved Labrador has been my saviour, he is what makes me face the day, he is there for me when I cry, he is someone to talk to and still makes me laugh. I take him everywhere I can. My husband loved him and so do I. I send you much love - you are never alone with a dog

Yorkshiregirl Sun 10-Mar-19 10:32:16

So sorry for your loss lovey. In my experience dogs are great company, and fabulous at seing us through difficult times. Why would you get rid of much loved pets, and cause yourself further grief.
If they are a struggle to exercise you could consider getting a dog walker.
Sending love.

Luckygirl Sun 10-Mar-19 10:31:46

Hugs and kind thoughts to you flowers

bumblebee34 - your post seemed to be to be spot on and I hope that notoveryet will take comfort from your wise advice and that of all the others who have posted with their experiences of grieving.

silverlining48 Sun 10-Mar-19 10:30:26

Venus flowers

Mamo Sun 10-Mar-19 10:29:10

NotoveryetI am so sorry for your loss. People do say some incredibly thoughtless things at this time. You just do what feels right for you in these dark days, and take each day at a time. thanks

CarlyD7 Sun 10-Mar-19 10:25:12

I wish people would learn how to comfort the bereaved - rather than rushing in to offer unwanted advice. Maybe it's important to explain that you really don't need advice at the moment - but you do need someone to visit, to talk to, to remember him with you? You're in the very early stages; I agree about keeping the dogs - you've lost your life partner; you dont' need anymore loss at the moment and living in an house devoid of any other heartbeat would (I suspect) feel much worse. Age UK do a very good leaflet "bereavement in later life" which you may find useful at some stage. Meanwhile, be kind to yourself.

Singlegrannie Sun 10-Mar-19 10:24:40

Notoveryet so sorry for your loss. Some people do day the wrong thing and give unwanted advice but you know what is right for you, so try not to get upset by it, you already have enough to be upset about.

sylviann Sun 10-Mar-19 10:24:20

Sorry for your loss it takes time to come to terms with loss of a loved one I'm sure your dog's will keep going through the hard times

Fflaurie Sun 10-Mar-19 10:23:13

My deepest sympathies, please don't get rid of your dogs, they love you and you need to bury your head in their fur and cry, they won't judge you nor give you time restraints 'to get over it'. Grieve, cry and rant, we are all here for you.