Funeral wishes

My direct funeral has already been paid for, the funeral director, the Coop, will pick me up from wherever I happen to die, they will arrange a cremation with no mourners, no service etc and my ashes will be sent to my children. I have no religious beliefs and do not want my funeral to be a financial burden on my children. Whatever I have left will be distributed as per my Will with a certain amount being earmarked for my 'party' at a time suiting them.

First, OP, my deepest sympathy. To my mind, attending a death bed is harder than arranging the funeral.

I totally understand your MIL's wishes, as I don't see any point in paying for an expensive coffin. I too have stated the cheapest coffin and shroud.

I hope your MIL passes peacefully, and that you and your DH and other family will be able to see her life ending well.

Cherrytree my DH was diagnosed with Terminal Cancer & receiving palliative care, this was 6 years ago, he was given about 8 months but only lasted 2. I was faced with finding a Funeral Director in an area we had only lived in for just over a year. I sought advice from from friends & went to meet a local well established Funeral Director, Family Company.

I discussed what I wanted for DH as we had discussed our Funeral Plans, cheap cremation, coffin, hearse & one car, family flowers only can't bear a naked coffin & donations to his desired Charity. I could not have wished for a more attentive Funeral Director & DH had Insurance Policy to cover the cost. We had a Celebrant but only one Hymn & lovely Eulogy written by DH's closest friend. DH's ashes are in the Crematorium Garden as he didn't want a grave for us to visit.

DM has left instructions both with me & a close friend as I live 300 miles away, again using a local Funeral Director, she will be buried in her local Chapel Graveyard with my Step-Father. My DF died many years ago & was Cremated (his wish).

My DD knows I want to be Cremated & my ashes scattered at my Football team's Garden of Remembrance.

Apologies for such a long post. My thoughts are with you

So sorry for your impending loss. Most coffin handles now look like brass but are in fact a special plastic. My mother wouldn't discuss her funeral arrangements even though she knew she was terminally ill but she had always commented on how she thought the amount spent on funerals was ridiculous so I chose a simple coffin with flowers inner favourite colour. I also wore her favourite colour lilac to the funeral. I have told my husband I want a coffin made of cardboard there are some gorgeous ones but the wicker ones at beautiful too. Many people seem to be opting for a small immediate family funeral with a memorial service or get together at a later date. The last one I went to was a simple service with just an officiant recalling family memories with favourite songs and no wake as the person who had died sounded like your mother in law.x

Please look at ‘Simplicity Cremation’.
Being of no religion and no extended family, we have decided on this very thing: body taken to mortuary, no funeral, then taken to be cremated, ashes returned to whoever. You can have if you so wish a small number of people to say goodbye before the coffin disappears.

There is a company called 'The Coffin company' online. I also do not want a lot of money spent on fancy wooden coffins etc which will be burned/buried. I have chosen an eco coffin, very pretty and have printed off a picture and have included it with my will etc, the coffin is only £299 at the moment and that is quite enough to spend. have a look at the site, it has all sorts of coffins to choose from.

My condolences to all who are bereaved but you may want to be sure this doesn’t happen to you. “No frills” funerals can have their disadvantages when things go wrong.
I wonder if they are as carefully regulated as the “traditional” sort?
This horror story must have caused immeasurable distress.
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2163891/Channel-4-Dispatches-funeral-firm-Families-horror-Co-op-funeral-firm-piled-naked-bodies-like-TVs.html

I left instructions for simplest/cheapest body disposal available at that time, no service or funeral of any type. But I will be dead so whoever the responsibility is foisted off onto will no doubt do what they want. I see absolutely no point in a funeral for myself, waste of money.

Cherrytree sorry to hear about your current situation, a sad time for you. Just carry out your MiL's wishes, you will be so glad afterwards.
At end of January we organised a joint funeral for my husband's mother and father, who died in hospital within 6 days of each other. They were religious and wanted cremation. We knew their wishes, MiL had requested that the coffins rest in the church overnight before their cremation. The vicar did a short service for just my DH and I and the two grandchildren at 6pm after they finished work. We were able to say our good byes in private so to speak. We learned later that there had been bell ringing practice that evening, my MiL would have liked that.
They were both 94 years old and my FiL had said recently that there was no one left to go to his funeral, he meant any of his generation, which was sadly true. There was still a good turn out of family and neighbour's.
We are comforted by knowing that we had ascertained their wishes and carried them out, which were mainly what your Mil has requested.
Hope this helps. ?

I’m pretty sure there’s still a company in Bristol (can’t remember the name - sorry) which will make your coffin (and lid) for you, then fit it with shelves so it can be used for books, ornaments, whatever else until you need it. I also, for long time, had a lovely piece of white marble which I bought as an ‘off cut’ and used as a pot stand/chopping board with the intention of it being eventually used as a memorial plaque. Sadly had to leave it in the UK. An old aquaintance once told me she was going to have some of her ashes put into a large egg timer so that her children would still be able to put her to use!

My sister and I became widows within eighteen months of each other, I just had a basic wooden coffin for my husband as we had agreed, like many others on here, that anything more would be a waste of money. This particularly as it was a cremation. At her husband’s request, my sister got him a wicker coffin because he worked with wood and could not bear the thought of good wood being burned. What surprised me was how more expensive the wicker one was.

I told my husband to put me out with the bins!

I'd quite like a Viking funeral but I don't think Health & Safety would approve. Put in a little boat and sent out to sea after it's set on fire (the boat).

My view is that a lot of the cost of a funeral is unnecessary expense and is sometimes only to impress others. I have been involved in a conversation where it landed into a comparison of costs, almost a competition on who spent the most. Basic is all I have asked for, humanitarian service, no flowers (limited space at crematorium anyway) but voluntary donation to charity. I feel burials take up much needed space in this little island, the maintenance costs of graveyards are horrendous and go on forever. Just scatter me on a hillside.

My mother was never religious and didn't want an expensive funeral, but she loved France and anything pink, so we all wore pink, played French music and sat around talking about happy memories of her. I feel much more at peace about that then if we'd foisted a service on her. She had the most lovely passing though, she was 89 & very poorly but in her last few weeks in her mind she went back to the life she had in her early years. They always say someone from your past comes to meet you, & I think that was true for mum.

Cherrytrees 59. My thoughts are with you at such a sad time in your life
It matters not what others think, say or would do.If what
you have informed those of us on GN is what your MIL wanted then honour her wishes.

My mum died last year. She was very specific that she thought spending a lot of money on her funeral was wasteful. She said she’d be perfectly happy with a cardboard coffin ! So that’s what she got! £99.

My father always said he'd come back and haunt anyone who wasted money on flowers for his funeral.

Since she rather wished he would, my mother did put a small posy on his coffin. She was disappointed that he never carried out his threat, but she did swear years later that he came to her just once, shortly after an accident which had written her car off.

My mother's funeral was simple, but we did have some lovely favourite hymns of hers, plus her youngest granddaughter's beautiful soprano solo of Panis Angelicus with her school choir, which we had on CD.
I'd quite like that at mine, too.

MadGrandma hugs and
You are having a tough time. May you get some peace now.
Cherrytree59 wishing you all the best at this difficult time.

Teetime. We've said exactly the same!!

I don't particularly care about the how it is done - I would like it to be done in whatever way gives comfort to my DDs - if indeed the need comforting! But I very definitely do NOT want funeral directors or their staff poncing around in black suits and top hats etc. - at my Dad's there was a huge women so dressed - and blooming silly she looked too!

Strangely, I have recently been reading about a Cremation without Ceremony which the Coop was advertising. The body is picked up, cremated and you have the choice of keeping the ashes or they will scatter them. No fuss and it’s really cheap compared to the alternatives. This really appeals to me.

DH and I had both written our funeral wishes a while back. We then had the experience of arranging my mother's funeral in November last year. Everyone said we gave her a good and suitable send off with a religious ceremony and a nice afternoon tea for the relations. It really brought it home to me that I neither found this a consolation or something that honoured her true spirit. it was also a long and protracted ordeal to arrange and participate in. DH and I have now decided that when we die we want a "pure cremation" with no ceremony. We will leave a generous amount of money for all our friends and relations to meet up and have a splendid lunch a few months later when they can all get p****d and remember the good times. My recent experiences have taught me that you need to decide what you want, put arrangements in place and not go into old age with a house full of clutter if you want to be considerate to your children and give them a relaxed opportunity to grieve.

My mother absolutely adored flowers and was adamant that there be none at her funeral -‘flowers are for the living, not for the dead,’ she used to say.
So when she died, my father respected her wishes and banned any floral tributes. But her coffin looked so very very bleak that I begged my dad to just let me put a single flower from the garden on it. He wouldn’t let me. But I KNOW my mum would have been OK with this if it helped to ease my grief which it certainly would have done, Even now, over 30 years later, I feel a pang when I think of the lonely, joyless box she was put to rest in.

We have discussed this with both my daughters and they are in agreement with our wishes. H and I will be taken straight to cremation, no casket, no service, no cars etc. They will be given ashes at a date suitable to them and if they want a 'wake' there will be funds available to give everyone a chance to say bye. Coop is cheapest but still not available to pre pay, but DDs are willling to arrange this on our demise.

That should have read 1st March NOT April of course!!!